Monday, February 21, 2011

February 22, 2010 Monday

Oh this day... I've dreaded it since I started this blog series. I have read it, I have edited it, I have added to it, I've taken away... Please read it lovingly. Know our hearts behind each text, and remember that our worlds were crashing around us, but the Lord stood tall. Undefeated! We stood our ground circled around Jenny's bed declaring we would NOT serve another.....


My mom spoiled me on Monday's. She would come over early every Monday morning and watch the kids for me to do carpool, grocery shopping, and any other errands so I could do them alone. During Jenny's stay at the hospital, she helped out a bunch for me to go to the hospital, along with many friends. This Monday morning, mom was sick, so I chose to abort my plans of grocery and errands and would be staying home and shop later.

8:05 am Me to Jenn Ross: If you would like to bring your kids over today to play so u can go to the hospital, Emaline and Bowden would love it.

Jenn brings her kids over so she can go up to the hospital alone. We play, do a photoshoot (of course), and have a great time.

10:26 Julie: I am praying for sweet Jenny and I'm praying for you. I am here for you friend.
Me: Thank you

11:17 Wade S.: I've been asked if Malaya needs anything- rides to school, weekend activities etc. Let me know
Me: She's been going to J' aunts on the weekends in Mesquite. I will check and see what I can find out. That is so nice. Malaya has been staying at her house with aunt now.

11:51 Stephanie: Any news? What do u want 2 do 2nite?

11:55 me to Jenn: We r eating lunch take ur time

But, Jenn was almost to my house already. When she got here she had a great idea that after she got Malaya from school, and Parker was home, we could all go Chuck E Cheese with David. Love the idea. As they drove away.... I had an idea and text this:
12:19 pm: Another idea is JUMP4FUN, an inflatable place right by hospital behind QT on 1709. 2 and under kids are free and parents jump for free. They have an area for Jocelyn.

At the same time, and I mean the same time I receive a text from David at 12:20 saying :GREAT, He also called me. I thought he was wanting to discuss our activity.... oh how I wish. I could hear it in his voice....
Me: Hey
david: they just took Jenny down for an emergency CAT scan, she may not make it.
me: WHAT
David: I don't know....
Me: Okay. okay... I love you.. bye
( You may think to your self how I remember what he said to me... I had written a blog but never published it a month after she died. I still am choosing to write on here things I feel appropriate, but tell the story, leaving out some personal information).

12:21 to girls:Pray right now! Taking Jenny for emergency CAT SCAN PRAYYY!!!!

I remember crying in my kitchen. I remember screaming while texting the above standing next to my kitchen table....
I got into motion. I called my neighbor Sabrina and asked if she could watch Emaline and Bowden, that I needed to get to the hospital. I remember grabbing the kids and running next door, and I mean running. I told her I left the back door open if she needed anything. I kept trying to call Stacey, I knew he had gone to work out during his lunch break so I couldn't reach him. I remember grabbing a hat, running through my house screaming, begging the Lord. I started receiving texts:
Jami: Ok!! Let me know
Kimberly H: Already doing it!
Stephanie: I am

12:24 Carepages

So far it has been a somewhat quiet night and morning. Not much has changed since the last update. Doctors are coming in and out and we are waiting to hear from them. The seizures have continued although the duration of them is shorter.

Please continue to pray for the same things requested last night:
1. We pray for the lesions on the brain to shrink.
2. That Jenny responds to the antibiotics the doctors are giving her.
3. For the doctors to have clarity (or the God just do it for them and leave everyone with their job on the ground!)

Thanks for joining us in this!

I remember driving to the hospital... screaming on the silly loop around on 114 by Academy, calling out Satan. Next think I remember is stepping off of the elevator and receiving this text

12:46 David: She made it back to her room. We do not know anything

I quickly walked into the ICU waiting room, where I only recognized one person (ODD) although there were many there. I looked at Kim Q, and tried to show her my phone, the message from David, when another girl said:
are you Paige? go on back. Later I met this friend of Jenny's, Melanie.

You need to know that I tried to always respect the Biz/Ross families. I only went back when David, or Bev said it was okay or told me to. I walked really quick to the hand sanitizer, hit the open door thing with my sleeve pulled over my hand. I always did that. Passed Rick getting on his phone walking through ICU. David and Bev were waiting outside her room and the curtain was drawn. David saw me and said: Girl, it didn't take you long. NOPE.

1:09 Carepages
Jenny's blood pressure and heart rate dropped significantly just a few minutes ago. They immediately gave her a shot that helped her out. They are sending her downstairs for another CT scan.

1:34 Angie: how is she
Me: this is NOT good, NOT good.

The next hour is pretty much a blur, but so clear. Some of it, I want to keep private. I will treasure in my heart for ever. I heard the heart doctor telling Beverly what he read on the CAT scan, but that he wasn't the brain doctor. I heard Beverly ask about hope....

I went back out to the waiting room after talking to Jenny.

Finally got a hold of Stacey. He was on his way.

Stacey got there and went straight back to see David after I told him to go.

More family began to arrive.

I called Jessie.

Jessie got there.

I got to be involved in some extremely tender and raw moments with her family.

1:54 to the girls: Please pray for a miracle, please pray for a miracle for an absolute miracle

Of course after sending this out I got many texts saying they were praying and what did the CAT scan show....
One of my texts to a friend: The absess has grown. Waiting on brain doctor to see if they can do anything. Thinking braindead. (OH how that is so hard to type)

2:03 Kelli L.: what is happening??? we are all praying
I text Kelli to let her know... her reply: Have no words...

2:04 Me to Sabrina: Things r not good. We r waiting on dr to confirm brain dead. R the kids okay with you for a bit until I can work on something else?
Sabrina: I'm so sorry. Yes they r find here as long as you need me to watch them> Haven't napped.. but I didn't want to force it since they're in a different place
Me: It's okay

Dr. Kalipara (by the way, I know I butcher his name when I spell it, and am okay with it), arrived, which I knew he was NOT to be called because he had been up there all night. So, that scared me. Stacey came out, stood against the wall as the doctors walked back to talk to David, Rick, and Beverly. Stacey shook his head. He came to hold me. I sat. I bent over. I cried. The waiting room was so very quiet. SO VERY QUIET, except for sniffling and crying. As I bent over, others came to talk to Stacey. The family went back again from their little briefing room. Barbie came out and told me to go back.

2:49 Angela: Love you. Wish I had words. I know jenny loves u too!

A sweet friend called.. I sent to voicemail, then sent this:
3:08 me to Jodi B: Things are not good. Sorry I cannot talk. Don't put anything on Fb. Sorry.
Jodi: No sorry. I was just leaving u a msg that I know things are bad. No sorry... Just that I love u and am here if anyone needs anything. Didn't know what else to do but call u. I LUV U! I LUV JBIZ!

3:15 from Kim Q: B is here

We were gathered in her room, and were waiting on Jenny's grandmother to arrive. Jenny called her "b". I stood there, grasping hands with other family and friends and declared:


3:25 me to Lauren (my sister) and my mom: I just said goodbye to my dear friend. One of the hardest things I have ever done.

Oh the memories from that day.

I came back out and sat next to Melanie (one of Jennys's great friends from Mesquite who now lives out of state). A man came out and let us know that Jenny had gone to heaven.
A lesion on Jenny's brain had herniated, it was close to the brain stem, there was no activity.

Stacey was with David.

3:31 Jami: Heard anything from dr
Me: No brain activity. We said our goodbyes. They r going to take her off.
Jami: I am just sick. It doesn't seem real

3:33 Me to Angie, Kelli, and Stephanie: There is no brain activity. We said our goodbyes. Please wait until carepages to make this public.

4:07 pm I sent this text after David put it on Facebook: Jenny Ross Bizaillion went to heaven at 3:38 pm.
Of course, I received many texts back...
No words
I love you.
Thank u for letting me know
Oh my dear Lord

Angie: do you need me
Me: oh friend... I can't begin...

Stacey walked me to my car. He asked me if I could drive. I looked right at him and from somewhere inside me this came out: I AM NOT MAD AT GOD.

Which I wasn't. Odd. I think I was still numb. I was present, in the ROOM when my brother in law took his last breath. I was outside the door when my grandfather died. And there I was, in the room moments before my friend took her last breath, and right now, proclaiming that I wasn't mad at GOD. Honestly, I wasn't, and haven't been. Not mad. I may not understand it to the fullest extent, but I wasn't mad. Jenny's dream had come true! Her purpose.

4:12 Julie: Oh Paige! I'm so sorry. I'm here for you. What do you need/ I want to call you but I know you have a lot going on. I'm praying for all of you. I'm here for you.

4:12 Jodi B: I'm so terribly sorry. Can I do anything for you?? Do you need icecream? Can I take ur kids to chuckecheese? Just wish thee was something

4:14 Kimberly Holmes: I have no words but I love you and am hurting with you

4:14 Jami: I know from experience there is nothing ANYONE can say that helps

4:16 Kelli L: My heart is breaking. Thanks for letting me know. We r here for u and ur family as u work through this and minister to David and Malaya. I'll be back tomorrow.

4:24 Lane: Let me know if I can do anything for you guys. I will do whatever you need. Love u guys and we are heart broken

4:27 Krista: The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart: devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death Isaiah 57: 1-2. I am at a loss for words, but she was upright and has been spared our fallen world. I love you friend. What do you need? Krista

4:29 Linda: Sweet Jenny. She will be okay now

4:31 Amy: Oh my goodness Paige. I am so sorry. She is no longer in pain and she is in a beautiful peaceful place. I am so sad that I am not there to comfort you. My prayers are now for the family and you. Love you!

4:46 Angie: where are you
Me: At my house. They r bringing Malaya here to tell her so I am cleaning up a bit before they get here.
Angie: I'm headed your way call me

(Of course, I am keeping all of that time private)

4:50 Jaymie: Oh Paige. I am sorry. I love you so much

Linda: Do u need me to pickup kids or bring some food over?
Me: they are bringing Malaya to m house to tell her. P is with carpool girls. P and B are next door at Sabrinas. Everyone is okay now, may need you later

5:05 Carepages (but I think most people found out through Facebook)

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!

Jenny Bizaillion passed from this world at 3:38pm.
She was the most beautiful, wonderful friend, perfect mom, devoted sister, loyal daughter, and best wife a person could ever have.

We will see her again.

5:23 Mom: I love u Paige. Wish I could take the hurt away. Mom

6:15 me to Kimberly B: We are on way to get Parker

Angie: Finished eating in Southlake, how are things at your house?
Me: we are getting Parker to tell him
Angie: do you want us to head your way, or wait
Me: Head on over, if we don't answer we will be next door at Sabrina's

(From the unpublished blog 3/10, by the way, I went back and put all the blog from March green)
We went to get Parker to tell him. He did not handle it well. After he pulled it together, he said:
Now, I need to tell Emaline. So we let him. We went next door and got her, brought her over and we let him tell her. It was one of those times I hope I never forget. He was so gentle with her.

Our neighbors had ordered a lot of pizza for us. Some close friends stopped by on their way to Austin, another friend stopped by and we just all hung out at Sabrina and Grant's house. Another friend stopped by. and it has just about been that amazing. I can't tell you how the next days messages, facebook posts, emails, and texts meant. I am almost in withdrawl. I got so attached to my phone those few weeks. I need to go through some 5 step program to step away. I have this unusual need to NOT miss anything, a message, an email, a call.

One thing that I want to mention is how cool it was that so many came to know my Jenny. I loved talking about her at dance class, who knew about her, my preschool- oh my preschool! They were so awesome. That could be a post all by itself. The parents of my preschool class were praying, and they didn't know her! THEY DIDN'T KNOW HER! That was so much of the story wasn't it friends? She reached so many!

7:18 Anne: love you and praying for you
Me: thank you Anne

9:06 Kimberly B: I have erased this text 10 times. I just couldn't go without saying how blessed I fell to call you a friend. God knew what he was doing when he placed us down the street from each other. I have been thinking about praying for you always.
Me: You are so sweet. I feel the same. BTW Parker said he wanted to tell camille that Jenny died since she was praying for her. I didn't know if you told her or not, thought that was sweet.
Kimberly: I did. I told her he may be sad and that he may want to talk about it.
Me: He took it so hard Kimberly. My heart breaks for the fact that he got it and had questions we couldn't answer. So grown up. Oh the tears. He wanted to tell E.

Peptalk of the night:

Well friend, you did great. Absolutely great! BOY did you fight, and you fought hard. Your strength has taught so many, and brought so many to their knees. You know the impact you made on earth, and you have a front row seat to see what will come. AND it will be good. I want you to dance, show off those brand new legs ...of yours. Jenny, I am so proud of you. Remember when you told me that just a few weeks ago? I will cherish those words you said to me, "I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!" Thank you, friend. Thank you! Thank you for loving me.


Jaclyn said...

i fell in love with jenny as I followed her story, even though i never met her or her family. It is clear what an amazing friendship the two of you shared, and I am so sorry for this great, great loss. Your faith is inspiring and beautiful.

Susan @ Blessed Assurances said...

so I am reading this post with Itunes playing at random in the background, I was on the verge of a hotmess reliving this day with you when God is it True (Trust Me) by Steven Curtis Chapman (the Beauty will Rise Cd) starts to play--it is a GREAT song and a great one to read in the background today. I am still a Level Orange prayer alert for you, Stacey, Bizallions, Ross's, FB Friends, Running for Jenny, Kojies and everyone else who was and is touched by Jenny's life. So. I pray today that even though there is a huge void left by Jenny's death that you will fill joy & peace above all today knowing that she is dancing, running and singing in Heaven today. Sure does make us long for Heaven even more doesn't it?!? Okay and so now Itunes is playing Willie Nelson's Highway man, not as poignant but sure is a good song to dance a jig with your little men today & stop the tears from flowing. Love to you all!

Kelly said...

I've been reading them all and was dreading this one as well. Praying your healing continues. And thankful for what this is teaching so many about friendship.

Phillips Family said...

Paige, Paige, Paige...

You have shown so many things to so many people in the past 365 days. You have shown that it is okay to grieve publically, to acknowledge that one can love God so deeply and yet question life's situations so strongly. You have demonstrated that the bonds of friendship go much farther than the limits of life here on earth. I have been moved by each of these blog posts that recap Jenny's journey. Thank you for sharing and thank you for showing what it means to be a true friend.

Jodi said...

Ok, Lynley can WRITE! I would like to "ditto" what she said... I'm just some math major who babbles. :) But, thank you thank you thank you for all you have done to share with us your Jenny. To show us true Forever Friendship. I wish I was close so I could hug you. But have I told you lately that I love you? I love you.

summer said...

I can understand why Jenny loved you so much and was so proud of you, Paige. You are an amazing woman of God and His spirit dwells so beautifully in you. I have and will continue to pray for your heart to find healing, and for God's presence to be very near to you. Thank you again for sharing your journey and for being such a precious friend to Jenny.

Miranda said...

I have been reading your blog the past two weeks. I knew today's would be the toughest. I don't know you, but I know that Jenny was blessed to have a true best friend like you. I have been praying for you and your journey, and I will continue to do so. Can't wait to see Jenny in heaven one day.

Amy L said...

Paige, I've been reading your blog, and I just want you to know that I have been so touched by your faith and your friendship with Jenny. Although I never knew her here on earth, it is obvious that she was an AMAZING lady, and I'm looking forward to meeting her in heaven one day. Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss, and you are in my prayers.