Sunday, March 28, 2010

You're awesome.

Thank you so much readers, who took the time to comment, pray, email, text, send a note, and even a CD! It was because of you that I sucked it up, took a breath, and continued in a functional mode. I am beginning to see a light. I know it is just the beginning of my grieving. I know that. Thank you for letting me be honest. Not judging. Thank you.

I am just getting around to registering my kids for the preschool I work at. I am late. They understand. I turned to one page, a form, printed from last year. It says: Emergency Contact, Jenny Bizaillion.


I can't cross her out and write someone else's name there. That doesn't seem right! Maybe I will just put a post it on it.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Beautiful Lord

When the storm is raging all around me,
you are the peace that calms my troubled sea...

You are the light that shines and shows me the way...

On the cross you showed your love for me...

awesome and mighty...


tender and holy....

Today was a tough day...REALLY...every day has been tough. JUST SICK! I am the only thing that can change. I can allow the Lord and HOLY SPIRIT to just live in me... LIVE IN ME LORD!
Help me when the kids are screaming....when I mess dinner up...when I excuse me (SUCK) at customer service in my business. I NEVER USE THAT WORD. But that is the word feels MOST appropriate. Forgive me Husband, for being testy. Forgive me kids. Forgive me friends. I am having a hard time dealing right now. I can't remember anything.

The words above that aren't my ranting and inappropriate use of language are from the song Beautiful Lord. I put it on my playlist after Jenny got sick and my cousin Susan made a playlist for Jenny on her blog. I had Stacey put it on my Ipod. That is what I have been listening to recently when I run. Today, I just skipped ahead of all the songs that I normally listen and to the ones that I never get to....hit play and started running. About 5 or 6 steps into it...the tears came. Maybe I should back up and say that my kids were....crazy until Stacey got home...even after Stacey got home. We sat down and began eating....he knew. I had already told him how my afternoon was (after our sweet playdate left, really, the kids were angels when he had company, she left and life fell apart). I had told him I wanted to go for a run. He looked at me and said these beautiful words:
Go get ready for you run, I will take the kids to the park. You come home, shower and go to bed!

Oh, how I have a beautiful husband.

Back to my run, 5 or 6 steps into it, the tears came. I just kept thinking about my friend, in that hospital bed, listening to me say I had gotten new running shoes so we could train together and run with our husbands. She agreed. We talked. She showed me with her fingers, us running. Absolutely. More tears. Then words would come on my ipod, I would raise my hands in praise, yes on Trophy Club Drive! People must think I am crazy. Then I would cry, then I would praise and smile....It was so emotional. I got close to my 1 mile, which I usually plan to stop RIGHT at 1 mile, then I heard my sweet cousin Gwen Ann (Gwenie) in my ear. I saw her yesterday at my great aunt's funeral, and she was telling me that the first mile is the hardest. So, I looked at my NIKE watch, saw the 1.00 and kept running. I kept singing...kept crying.... remembered what her fingers looked like...remembered what it was like to stand by her bed....what it felt like to witness each miracle...what her hair looked like in her Spice Girls pig she turned her head to me and our "moment". I ran....I finished strong! Then I walked home....listened to the music on my ipod. Listened to the words, which is different for me... Beautiful Lord came on...I held my hands up high, smiled, and sang OUT LOUD! Thank you Lord for being beautiful! For being faithful, even when I am tired, when I don't get it, when I just want to sleep.... Thank you for being faithful, for loving me, Thank you Lord for Stacey. Who is learning how to handle me, all over again, the new and different, injured me. Who is being patient. Thank you Lord....

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Jenny Bizaillion Benefit Necklace

A JENNY BIZAILLION NECKLACE benefiting the Bizaillion family! Carrie Holley Foster (fellow Kojie) created these with help from Malaya! Check out her design here!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Family photography

For my anniversary, Stacey got me a gift certificate to have our family pictures taken. You see, I have talked about this for about 3 years! The last time I had my picture taken professionally with my family was when E was 3 weeks old. YEP! Not even with BOWDEN! We attempted with a timer, but no so much. I was so postpartum, and drugged.... don't know what I was thinking! I met Matt about 2.5 years ago at a photography workshop in Austin and knew he would be the guy when the time came. His photography is incredible. I talk about him from time to time with Stacey, about photography, or will have STP even look at his blog, so when Stacey thought of the perfect gift, he knew just who to call!

I was SOOOOOO surprised, maybe even yelping a bit when I opened it. I knew I wanted to wait until after the first of the year to schedule. 4 out of 5 of us celebrate a birthday in the first 3 months of the year, so I thought it would be a great time. We picked a date for February. I scheduled our presession consultation for a week before our session.

I saw the dress I wanted Emaline to wear about January, bought it and then started working on everyone elses outfits. Parker's was easy. So was Bowden's. I knew Stacey's would be easy.

Then my friend got sick.

Matt called me the day before we were scheduled for our consultation. He needed to reschedule. Which was perfect because my friend was going to have her legs amputated the next day and I wanted to be at the hospital. We rescheduled for the next week.

Well, the next week Matt called me about our new date for our consultation and our shoot that Saturday. HE HAD THE FLU! I told him, no problem because my sweet friend Jenny had passed away and I just didn't think that I had it in me. We rescheduled for the next Wednesday and Saturday. He posted scripture on my Facebook. Cool guy.

We met. He asked me to describe the kids....
Parker-sweet, sensitive, a bit hard to photograph, due to his 'poisey' self.
Emaline- fun, creative, EASY to photograph, takes direction
Bowden- wear your running shoes
Stacey- well, I almost feel weird putting this up here! BUT, I said full of love for Jesus. A servant.
and then asked about me.... the first word I could think of was: hurt. I did add fun later.

My outfit came together on Thursday before my pictures! I was completely stressed out. I went into every store in the mall and most stores out of the mall. I grabbed E and we ran to SteinMart. Found shoes and green shirt. Already had white shirt and jeans. Perfect! WAIT! Accessories!!! Took 2 kids to Charming Charlies, one sleeping, to look for a necklace. I spent forever looking through the green section, when I saw the beautiful silver butterfly and remembered the sweet story that Caprock Elementary told Malaya when they gave her a sweet James Avery butterfly necklace. About how Jenny went to sleep, much like a catepillar, and the next time we see her she will be an beautiful creation, but in HEAVEN! I bought that necklace and was done.
I LOVED our session! It was so sweet. I loved being on the other side of the camera. My kids behaved...I had prepared them a bit. Of course Bowden was all over the place. I almost didn't want the session to end. That meant we had to return to our busy lives.

We scheduled our viewing for 2 weeks after. BUUUTTTT! he called me when I was in Paris and said that he was finished and could show them to us early! YEAH! We scrambled and I met Stacey in Plano, my kids played with my mom at McDonalds...and went to pick our images.

Matt did an amazing job presenting our images. I did cry. We were there FOREVER! Stacey and I had the hardest time picking our images. WE WANTED THEM ALL! I now know how my clients feel! It was torture.

Well, here is a link to our photos.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Pep Talks part 2

March 5th

GIRL! I did it! I ran 1 mile without STOPPING today FOR YOU! I had Emaline stand beside me cheering me on, yelling : YOU CAN DO IT MOMMY! I kind of told her to yell it at me, but hey, it got me to finish. My legs hurt. I miss you. I'm sitting here watching GH for the first time in over a month. The new intro is different, interesting, not sure how I feel about it. Going to bed early tonight friend. My weekends are different without you in them. Plus that mile, shewww, how do I think I can do a 5K which is obviously more than 1 mile? Our boys are running like 8 or 10 miles in the morning. They are nuts. Starting my garden tomorrow! Let's see how long I can keep it up!

March 7th

Friend. I. Love. You. I miss you terribly. Our hubby's ran like crazy yesteday, like 10 miles! I then fed them pancakes. I am good at feeding them, don't you worry about that. Attempted to make a garden, but who knew my backyard was full of rocks. LIKE the people before the people we bought our house from, must not hav...e had grass, they just had all these white landscape rocks like a foot deep! You should have seen Stacey's arms jumping all around trying to handle the tiller. A MAJOR WORKOUT after their big run! Now we have to plant the garden above ground. Oh the things we think will be easy. OH, David found something for me yesterday!!! I am beyond excited!! You know what I am talking about! I love you!

March 8th

I'm sad friend. Satan is powerful, but not as powerful as our God. I'm having to call him out too much. Tell him to back off. I wish you were here, but I know you are having so much fun where you are. Girl, you are amazing. I just miss you.

March 8th

SO my fingers are still burning! BURNING! You see, I decided tonight would be a night of Jenny Biz recipes. SOOOO, I made your enchiladas and homemade guacamole. I haven't worked very much with jalepenos in my life, and let me tell you, they BURN! My fingers are on fire and I cooked 7 hours ago! I have scrubbed and scr...ubbed and they still burn. How did you do it? Both items, JALEPENOS! Emaline was so cute asking if you had recipes in heaven. She helped me chop some of the ingredients. She even asked if we invited your husband and daughter, which we did not tonight. I know my rendition isn't as good as yours, so I would not want them to compare! Next time. This was my practice night! Jenny, they were marvelous! Thank you for leaving me a week long list of your favorite recipes! HOWEVER, I WILL NOT be making your fish tacos! I LOVE YOU!

March 9th

just thinking about you friend. LOVE YOU!

March 12th

Got my hotsheet! OHHHH how I long to call you right now and talk about it! GIRL! PORT CHARLES is fixing to explode! Not really, like last time, but lots of stuff going on. Do you remember how we were all worked up about Manny! WOW! Those were crazy days around there. We both were in such a funk, we would just call and about our 'friends' because it was so much easier than to talk about the hurt and pain we were truly going through, but we knew it was there, and by the end of our conversation, we would always say how we felt better that for the past 10 minutes or so we were able to jump to a make believe town and leave our mess. IT did make us feel better. Remember when I would call and threaten that I had people in high places, and would actually force you out of your house? Ok, so force was never really used, but boy did we laugh. I think I need shadybrook!

March 13th

OK, I am about to pass out, so I have to type quickly! I ran OUTSIDE this morning and ran 1.14 miles in 11 mintues 45 seconds!! GIRL! THe first song on STP's IPOD was HERE I AM! I just smiled (because I had just started) and sang that song, with the sunrise staring right at me. I told you we were going to run. Oh how I... wish I had you as my parter physically, but I know you were right there. I thought about that crazy month of bootcamp, how we held each other's sweaty ankles. Love you friend, our running journey continues!

March 14th

I'm NUTS! You see girl, ran another mile today AGAIN! Our hubbies ran 13 miles, but I just ran, and am proud of our/my mile. NUTS! My legs are jello. David said he would throw me a party when I run my first 5K. He has PLENTY of time to plan for it! PLENTY! I love how God is ministering to me during the runs, especially through Stacey's IPOD. Love you.

Sunday, March 14, 2010


Last night, E told me she was tickling GOD. Of course I asked what?

Then she showed me her sweet little fingers tickling her chest and said:

Look MOM, I am tickling my heart so I am tickling GOD!

I love it when you are taught or reminded of something by such a sweet innocent treasure. SO PURE!

THank you LORD!

Monday, March 08, 2010

some days

Just aren't fun. Today was one of those days. Nothing really crashing down on me in particular, but a really hard day. My mom came to help me, like she has spoiled me to on Mondays, so I went to the mall to look for a few things. I left with only one thing in my hand after 4 hours! 4 HOURS! Torture! I think I went into EVERY store there that had women's clothing, and came out with one tank top! SERIOUSLY! depressing. My thoughts sink to Jenny so very often. My thoughts lend their way to David and Malaya. TO Beverly, to the rest of her family. I miss my friend.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Pep Talks

Many of you know that I leave pep talks on Jenny's facebook page and have since the day she went into the hospital. I wanted a record of them since David brought one up at dinner last night about a comment I made a few weeks ago in her pep talk. I think I will double post them from now on, here nad there.

Feb 5

LISTEN SISTER! Remember I got new shoes for my birthday, and we need, uh, I mean I need you to train me so we can run with our hubbies in all these races. YOU HEAR ME! I know you do! I know people. People with lots of connections. You know the kind I am talking about, from the town of PC. Look. You are strong, you are ...courageous, you are a warrior for the Lord! God is listening to all our prayers, you fight my friend. YOU FIGHT! I LOVE YOU! TO. PIECES.

Feb. 7

oh friend. I am sitting here thinking and praying for you. I wish I could find ALLLLLL of those New Orleans families you single handedly helped after Katrina. You were on it! You organized, you delegated, you prayed, you helped. I can still hear some of the ladies calling your name: miss jenny. So unselfish. SO UNSELFISH. ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, you celebrated YOUR FRIENDS! NOT YOU! You wouldn't like all this attention. You would get all blotchy on your neck, but girl I know you feel all this love.YOU FEEL IT! You feel all of the people coming together in prayer over you, you feel it. Right now, I am YELLING "SATAN GET OUT OF THIS!" GET OUT! he knows how powerful you are with Christ, all the children you have reached, the women you have prayed with and for, you are such an encourager. I LOVE YOU! Now, you rest tonight. You let the doctors ... See Moredo their magic. You tell the blood to move in those sweet fingers and toes, you tell it friend. DEMAND IT! YOU TELL IT I SAID SO!, Or ask them politely, either way, I want you better.

Feb.9 at 3:38 AM!!

Girl, it was good to see you tonight! You hang in there. I know tonight was a rough night, but I truly think you just wanted to see how long we all could last. We showed you! Now, you know what is going to happen, so when those meds start being weaned, you tell your body to do what it is suppose to! The way God made it.... I love you girl. See you tomorrow. It is 3:35am. You owe me an all nighter!

Feb 10

SERIOUSLY! GIRL! Like 3,400 people praying for YOU just on Facebook!!! SERIOUSLY!

Okay friend. Here we are again. In a few hours the doctors are going to do this really mean thing to you and begin to remove that huge tube that has been down your throat the past week. Can you believe it has been a week? Are you listening? DON'T FIGHT! We all know you are a fighter, EVERYONE knows you are, but tomorro...w is not the day. We need your BP to say the same, which is awesome by the way. Totally awesome. We need you to feel our prayers. You just be strong, but don't fight! Let us fight for you. We are ready. I've prepared them! Just think about Dr. Drake in the room when you wake up, oh and Malaya. and David. You know, your favorite people, maybe just not in that order! Think about that sweet girl, but calmly, slowly, gently, hear me girl? Get my hint...Oh, and KNOW that I LOVE YOU!

Feb 12th

I KNOW! You missed my peptalk from last night! That is what is going on today! Okay, girl listen. WE are all fighting for you. Breathing with you. We need you to rest again, okay? Rest. Feel our prayers. Hear our laughter, hear our song, hear our cries! Mostly hear our laughter. Malaya and I watched Anita Renfro on DVD... earlier, and wished you were here with us. SO, you get better so that we can come watch it at your house, sit on your couch and laugh. You got that! I love you so much friend! Even Kim tried to make a GH reference today...what is she thinking? DO you really think she has ever seen it? LOVE AGAIN your way.

Feb 13th

Hi!!!! Well, how was your night? Did you let the nurses and machines do their job, and rest, or did you make a rucus? Girl. You gotta stop with all this fighting! You got that? I need my calm friend who rubbed my back when I was SCREAMING during contractions in my kitchen! You need to be that calm. Do you know how cal...m Jason M. is? That is what we need from you. Now, we all are praying for your liver. So you just tell it to start working. You also tell your kidneys that they need to do their job. Now, your lungs. YOU GOTTA allow those lungs to heal. You will need your lungs during our 5k's. They are important for running, Stacey said so. I love you. I miss you. I need you, friend. Even your liver. I'm ready to help you exercise it! You know. Marilyn Meberg said the only way to exercise your liver is to LAUGH! I'm ready.

Feb 13th, part B

Hey Friend! It is almost time for me to turn in, but I just had to say goodnight! Emaline and Parker today threw a HORRIBLE fit about not coming to see you at the hospital! THey love their Ms. Jenny. So do I. This is what we need from you: Please tell whatever is going on in there that isn't suppose to be doing what it... is doing to LEAVE! What ever infection, or yuck, or thing causing a fever NEEDS to get out! Your body doesn't want it!! You tell it that. Can you give the doctors a sign also to let them know where that internal bleeding is? That would be SO HELPFUL! You always like to be helpful. Remember to tell that liver it needs to kick it into gear. Your lungs were totally showing out today! So proud of you. Don't over do it, but thanks for letting us know how you really felt about the trache possibility. I love you!

OH, Jami H has been reading the message boards for you. She is so willing to catch you up! Just give us the word and she will drive in I am sure. OH, and on the HOT SHEET, Elizabeth is going to Shady Brook! That got your attention, didn't it?Have a great, uneventful night!

Feb 14th

straight up, to the point. I want you to think hard about this. WE NEED BLOOD FLOW TO YOUR TOES! TO YOUR FEET! Every inch of them. We are all praying so very hard about your feet Jenny, and your hands, and your lungs, and your liver. WE want every inch of you HEALED! Our almighty God can use his strong arm to answer our prayers. WE are on it! YOU tell your blood to do that Jenny Bizaillion! Wiggle those toes at the doctor tomorrow! WIGGLE! SHOW OUT! Dance if you want to, just come on friend. We love you. You rest tonight, but tell your blood to the feet, to the feet, to the feet....

Feb 15th

Girlllllfriend. Why do you do this to me? Now, I know you heard my peptalk from last night about wiggling your toes, so why on earth did you NOT do that for the doctors?? You could have saved us much heart ache! This is what we need: help those doctors find the infection, tell that blood to circulate ALL through your f...eet and hands, and keep showing off with your breathing! Seriously. That is what we need. I cannot WAIT to tell you some amazing stories from this past week, so please get well. God has been so faithful, he had used that STRONG ARM to answer our prayers Jenny. I even asked the Sonic carhop to pray for you today when she commented on my necklace. You are making me bold about my faith and bold on giving God the glory. You are amazing friend. Keep up that hard work, but also rest! Can you really do both? I bet you will try. LOVE YOU!

Feb 16th

I love you!

Part B

pep talk... for you, my friend. I understand you were communicating with your hubby today. You go girl. I bet tubes in me would be bothering me as well. Don't you worry though. Those will be coming out very soon. I just know it. Can you even count how many times Sonny and Jason have been shot, and they don't even have ...scars!? Just think what kind of hero you would be in Port Charles! You could probably lead your very own mob. BUT I would ask that you not go into that line of work, it is very dangerous! I can't take much more.Jenny Bizaillion, you are an amazing woman. AMAZING! I cannot wait to see what is in store for you! I can't wait to walk along side of you and hold your hand. Now, you get some rest, you need it. Not that you have any dark circles under your eyes or anything, just that your body needs to rest. I am sure of it. Even though i didn't see you today, I ... See Moream sure of it. By the way, do you know how amazing your husband and daughter are? We are so ready to go out to eat with you guys. I'll check your calendar...oh look your free! GREAT! I will pencil you in.

Feb 17th

Well, girl I am so proud of you. I couldn't wait until our night time pep talk. I had to tell you right now! You did it! You husband is so strong, you 2 are a great match. Your love is so evident. I know the next few months are going to be very different, but you are going to have realize something....YOU NEED HELP! ...Don't get all blotchy, or red, just allow us to help you. That is what we want to do. Have I told you lately how amazing you are? I think I have, just wanted to tell you again. And I will bring you lots of dinners, but you will need to find someone else to fix your fish. You know I don't like fish, or the smell of fish, but I like to fish. I know you know. I love you.

Feb 17th

Friend, it has been a long day. I am sure you are laughing deep inside that sweet body. You are probably thinking, "YOU THINK YOUR DAY WAS LONG!" Well, I know it was for you. Lots of changes today, but Jenny, 'greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city!' To quote Chris Tomlin, or a...tleast I think that is who sings that song. Stacey put it on my phone so that I can listen to it all the time. I mostly just sing that part, but you know who sings louder than me...Emaline and Parker. OH, I know you have been very busy, but guess who has a birthday tomorrow? YEP! PARKER! Can you believe he will be 6? Okay, back to your peptalk. Jenny, FOCUS ON THE LIVER! WE need that liver to do exactly what it is made to do! You tell it to get with the program! We need everything to work the right way NOW! And your hands. BLOOD to the fingers! Just, you know...get well. We all miss you.

Oh yeah, the quote from Chris Tomlin, I do think you have greater things to be done! I can't wait to be in your audience! I love you. Have I told you that today? YES I HAVE, in your ear! Did you hear me? It was kind of soft, I didn't want to wake you. Emaline told me today that she doesn't like you in the hospital. ME EITHER! SO GET OUT! TELL THOSE... See More LUNGS, LIVER, and FINGERS to get to moving! IS there an 'L' word that means finger? That would have been perfect. Okay, I need to rest too. HHHHUUUUGGGGS!

Feb 18th

2 weeks my friend! 2 Weeks! You surely have shown so many just how
strong you are. I overheard a nurse today, that had you on that crazy
Monday, remember that Monday that almost turned all my hair silver, not gray, but silver? WELL, she was telling David that she hasn't seen you since then, but keeps up with you, and that fact, THE entire
hospital is keeping up with you. If anyone sees an ICU nurse, they ask
for updates on YOU! I know, blotches. Just get over it. We need you to
kick the pnemonia, KICK IT TO THE CURB! We need your liver to decide to work, and BOY I know 2 boys who can't wait to get you to exercise it!
YOU should have heard your brothers talking in the waiting room today about tickling you and chasing you around the house. They were so funny. They are SOOOO ready for you to get better. We all are. DID Youtell your blood to circulate through your fingers? I am not sure you
did. PLEASE! You can do it, tell the blood to CIRCULATE!

Feb 19th

Hey, you want to go to dinner tonight? Oh yeah, GET WELL! TELL EVERYTHING TO DO ITS THING! I'm tired of you being sick! I want us to do our Friday night dinners! Or Saturday night dinners! I don't really care friend. I just want you well. I bet today was a beast. I'm sure you handled it with grace and strength that you... have shown everyday! I love you, and this really isn't your peptalk, it is just for fun! I love you!

Feb 19th

GIRL! I just read the hot sheet and I so badly want to come read it to you! You think they would kick me out, talking about pregnancies, mobs, shootings, shady brook, Helana, GEORGIE the GHOST! Yes, you heard right. WOW, I better hold my horses, you have atleast 10 days to get caught up before you see this hotsheet! I ...don't want to ruin it for you completely. I know you have already gotten one little SMALL peptalk, but I still wanted to let you know that I love you and you are doing great. JUST GREAT! But that stinkin' liver! JENNY! How can I help? I know, I can come in and dance. If you see some of my new moves, MAYBE you will laugh, then you will be excerising your liver! SO, you WAKE up so you can watch me dance.JUST KNOW I will make you laugh. Don't you think so? Aunt Dee said her church said a lot of prayers for you on Wednesday night. Her and Mammy both asked about you tonight at Parker's birthday dinner with the Pearson clan. JENNY! Get that blood flowing! LOVE YOU! Miss me, Okay? Don't worry. I am not going anywhere, just wanted to feel the love!!! I REALLY DO!

Feb. 21st

Morning Peptalk, have I done a morning one? It is 1 am. And I just got home from the hospital. I bet you didn't know I could stay away this late! Boy did we have a moment tonight! I know things today didn't go as planned, and I just know everything is going to be great! I know it was a setback, but girl I know our GOD so mighty! He is also big and strong. Had to add those. I need you to get those KIDNEYS KICKING IT into gear! AND THE LIVER needs to LIVEN UP! I am making myself laugh at this hour! I know, I am the only one, but hey, it is late/early depending on how you look at it. BY THE WAY, the new look today is so sassy. Get some rest! LOVE YOU!

Feb 21st


Feb 22

Well friend, you did great. Absolutely great! BOY did you fight, and you fought hard. Your strength has taught so many, and brought so many to their knees. You know the impact you made on earth, and you have a front row seat to see what will come. AND it will be good. I want you to dance, show off those brand new legs ...of yours. Jenny, I am so proud of you. Remember when you told me that just a few weeks ago? I will cherish those words you said to me, "I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!" Thank you, friend. Thank you! Thank you for loving me.

Feb 24th

So, I can't go to sleep with out telling you. I ran today. For you. I almost passed out, but I did it. I ran 1 mile. Okay, I lied. I ran 3/4 of a mile and had to walk a 1/4, but hey, it is a start in those new shoes I was telling you about. I told you we would run in these 5K's with our husbands, and it just may take m...e longer than it would have you, but WE will do this together.

Feb 25th

Oh dear sweet friend.I love you today, I will love you tomorrow, and for each day after. HOW! That is what I ask myself? HOW! This isn't real! It just isn't Jenny Bizaillion. This isn't the way it was suppose to end! IT just isn't. I know it really isn't the ending, but sweet girl, I don't really want to spend one day ...with out you. NOT ONE! But I have. And it hurts. It hurts bad. I will celebrate you tomorrow with many. Girl, you will love your seat. It will be an amazing day. I am honored to be a part of it! I love you!

Feb 25th

Sweet girl. Absolutely beautiful! My eyes are still salty from today. I even did the whole ugly cry today, but not because I was sad for you, I AM NOT, I am just sad for me, for David, your parents, and especially your Malaya and all your other friends. The LORD GOD ALMIGHTY will take care of me, and you are watching o...ut for me now too! I can't wait to document the car ride I had with Melanie behind the hearse! We needed those laughs today. The 3 girl pawlbearers were awesome! Jessie wore her heels, so she almost sunk down to the core of the earth, but we loved honoring you. OH, the put MRS. STACEY PEARSON in the program for Stacey. Lots of laughs on that one. I love you friend forever and always!

Feb 27th

Today, well, I wondered what will happen when David takes down this Facebook page, so I decided I will send you peptalks through my blog. You know these are healing for me, right? Today, I made graphics for our husbands (and Brandon) for shirts they will wear tomorrow in the Cowtown 10K, I think. GIRL, I don't get all ...the half this and K that. They are just running far. I better get to know what all those numbers mean! ANYWAY, the shirts say RUNNING FOR JENNY and Mighty to Save on the back. Although we only made 3 for them, I think I will get a few made for me so that I can wear them when I do my thing for you! BUT, I better change mine to say: Walk/Run (trying not to pass out) for Jenny! I know you can see and hear all the amazing lives you truly changed. Thank you friend.

March 1st

Just had to share with you friend, I ran another mile today for you! Okay, another lie! I wish I ran the whole thing, but I didn't. ALMOST THOUGH! Jenny. This stinks. It really does. You are there. I am here. I miss you. Emaline woke up last night and walked in the kitchen to let me know she was sad about you being in ...Heaven. Oh no sweet girl,(that is what I told Emaline) we are NOT sad about Ms. Jenny being in Heaven, we are sad she isn't on earth. Isn't that the truth. You are dancing around up there, singing...oh the singing. I confess dear friend, I had no idea you had pipes like that (AMERICAN IDOL REFERENCE!). Oh the angels chorus. I am here, in the rain, in the cold, dreading calling the ENT for Parker's snoring and enlarged things in his throat. Be with me Lord. OH, Jami said the the DAY you went to heaven, GENERAL HOSPITAL changed their intro. It was like they knew! I love you always sweet friend.

March 3rd

JENNY! Thank you for today! You kicked my butt, didn't you?! Here I was, crying while doing this, whining while doing that, crying, crying, crying. So I wanted to go to this one store to look at these cute t's, but was drawn into another. Bowden and I walked around aimlessly, really me just wasting a few minutes before... I had to go get E from Honey. SO, I ask the sales ladies about photo pendants, which of course led to you, and there I was in this wonderful store with some new BFF's testifying to the many miracles I witnessed, and how this is truly a ripple in what is to come for Jenny Bizaillion. The lady behind the counter looked at me and said: Look at you, you are radiant glorifying GOD giving this testimony. See what you did! You used my pain today to teach these women about you and what God is doing! They wrote down web addresses and things to pray for! I love you friend. Had fun with David tonight! WE missed Malaya. OH, STP got me a watch like yours to keep up with all my running! HA!

March 4th

Oh friend. Guess who surprised me today??? ANGELA!! She was in town from Pennsylvania and came to preschool to give me a hug. I screamed out loud. Really. I had gone to get drinks for me and Amy and when I returned there they were! Her sweet girls gave me big hugs too. Those girls love you so much. I wish you could hav...e met Jackson! I don't think you ever met him. He is such a hunka love. Angela loves you so. The world loves you so! I am inspired in so many ways by you Jenny. SO MANY WAYS. I can't wait to share one of the ways, but not ready to go public yet. Sweet friend, I need you. And the cool thing is, I feel you. It is the weekend, and the month anniversary of you going into the hospital. We always tried to go out to eat on the weekend. We talked one month ago today. Our last time until we have the most beautiful hug and words in heaven. I love you.