One of those days

Do you have those mommy days like this:

You are doing the laundry, it needs to be folded. You take the laundry to be folded and realize you need to get hangers from the kids room. You go to kid 1 room and see many shirts that need to be ironed. So you get the shirts and bring to kitchen. You begin to get the ironing board out and see an invitation to a birthday party on the counter. You then walk calendar to write birthday and see a box top on the counter. You stop and gather all the box tops and glue down on paper. Getting the glue you see a card your sister gave you and it brings you to tears. Next to the card are some stamps and miscellanious things that need to be sorted through. I sort. I find olf pictures that need to be put into a photo album. I go through 4 photo scrapbooks thinking how old I am. Don't get side tracked! Back to counter that is now destroyed with coupons, business cards, notes.... You find old check book receipts. You begin organizing and looking through the duplicates. That gets you thinking about your taxes! Don't get side tracked I tell myself. On the same shelf with stamps are 2 old cameras I've been meaning to charge so I can carry 1 in my purse when I don't have my big momma jomma cameras with me. So I go get the cord to charge the camera and plug into my computer. Now I am blogging because now my computer is up and.... why not! My house is now destroyed.

Ever have one of these days.... OH yeah... the LAUNDRY!

2011

Well, just a little over an hour and 2011 is gone. Bye bye.

I'm ready.

The end of 2010 went out with an event that I didn't blog about, I didn't share with many, but it was a life shattering event. Shattering. I have lived 2011 facing it almost daily as I relive the event. It has been difficult. Satan had tackled me, wrestled continuously, but has NOT WON! NOPE.

I haven't let him steal my JOY. Joy was my WORD for 2011. It was suppose to be. I really fought hard to not let him steal it. I had to remind myself to LIVE. That my life goes on, I have 4 others that rely on me. That 3 little ones look at me daily, watch me minute by minute, and when they are grown and we discuss (if it comes up) this event, that we discuss how the Lord led me, held my hand, spoke in my ear, and I still called HIM Lord! I faced satan. I cried. I screamed. I chose Jesus.

Loosing my sister friend was shattering. I had almost lived 1 year without her, when another baseball bat to my knees hit. With those same knees, I pray. I get back up. The Lord shows me...this earth...it is painful Paige. BUT, but, BUT!!!! Through my wounds, YOU ARE HEALED! And just wait.... just wait!!! So I wait. I wait with open arms. Ready to embrace what the Lord has for me in 2012. My word for 2012 is LIGHT! Through the troubles of this world, I pray that LIGHT will ooze from me! That I will not be able to keep it to myself, all that the Lord has done.

I pray that for you!

The Lord's Hand

BOY, if you have doubted it, ASK ME! His hand has been seen in my life in the past week. He has been working on me. Molding me. Creating. Preparing me for what was coming... and it has started. I'm not sure what this all means in my life, and you probably think I am crazy because this doesn't make sense.... but the LORD'S hand is at WORK!

ALSO, as I have seen the LORD's hand, I have also seen SATAN! BOY is he hard at work! He is working hard on our marriages! Lean in towards the LORD ladies, and men (if I have any men readers!). Seek guidance. Seen wisdom! HEAVY spiritual warfare is happening around me! I'm arming myself, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? If you don't see it, open your eyes! I ASSURE YOU!!!
IT IS AROUND YOU!

Lord, don't let us sit around NOT preparing ourselves! Prompt us LORD to see urgency in this! Show us ways, people, books, speakers we need to be filling our lives with! THIS IS BIG STUFF and we can't DO THIS WITHOUT YOU!

Don't like your story?

I keep being in awe of the lessons I am learning from Rick Atchley at the Hills church, and from Chris Hatchett.

Today, in class, begins a time where we will share our story. Chris started out the series by giving part of his story. He also quoted a book about 'stories' and basically said- if you don't like your story, then change it! I love that idea. It does help mentally to think, YES, I can change it.

What if other people are writing chapters in your book?

How does that work?

Chris also spoke about about conflict, about even though we don't like it, it's an important part of our story, it makes up our story.

Yes it does! As I think back over my 'story' it is full of conflict. I have always said- I have a choice. I can choose to be a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, a better daughter. I have a choice of what examples in my life I will choose to follow.

We watched Chronicles of Narnia for the first time this weekend. We watched the last one. Still haven't seen first ones, but I was meant to watch this one. It spoke to me a few different times.

I thank the Lord for loving me. For being enough! He is who fills me! He is whom I aim to please. He can fill me with JOY! I will be stronger. I know that. He has walked me through some of these same struggles over and over in my life. He is always there, again and again. He NEVER lets me down. HE never hurts me. Oh HOLY Father, fill me with your SPIRIT!

.... and hopefully my next post will be full of laughter and goodness.

For real REAL.

I posted that yesterday, and really today mostly was a day where satan just started poking me. Just an annoying poking. MOST OF THE DAY! I prayed against it. I prayed for help. Got some relief, then tonight it has hit so hard that I almost can't breathe. The anxiousness is overwhelming.

Here is a small spit up: So, I look forward to Women of Faith like all year. ALL YEAR! I was looking forward to it beyond belief. I needed to hear what these women were going to say. NEED it! Tomorrow is Meet the Teacher at the kids school. I had a plan. Husband was going to meet me there and I would go to both teachers and one of my WOF companions would pick me up from school and we would head straight there. We would join our 3rd party and eat afterwards this time. Sounds great! It's been on my calendar for months. It has been the weekend before school starts for years. Guess what I just found out? IT ISN'T THIS WEEKEND!!!

It's next weekend.

Next weekend. You mean, the weekend where my kids begin soccer games!! Did I mention I am the assistant coach?? Oh, and Stacey's mom's side of the family is having a fish fry on Saturday out in East Texas!!! Did I mention I was beginning to pack? No wonder WOF companion coming in from out of town hasn't told me where we were staying! I'm not meeting her there TOMORROW, it's NEXT WEEKEND.

Oh, I just want to SCREAM! It would alarm my husband who is now asleep beside me. Oh, and we had a difference of opinion on something. Nothing major, you know, just one of those things and it hit right after I found all this WOF stuff out. He was super supportive about missing E's FIRST GAME, and about missing the family cook out. He understands. It is just ALL MY FAULT that I wrote the wrong date on my calendar MONTHS ago! MONTHS!

CALGON! Oh yeah, my bathtub doesn't work.

Let me wipe my mouth now.

Let's get real

I mean it, let's get real. How are you doing? How do you usually answer? Do you give the 'Fine' answer or do you tell it? Do you choose who you 'tell' it to, and give the 'fine' answer to 99% of the other people?

Well, I'm tired. Things in my life have been tough. I mean tough. AND I AM TIRED.

I don't want to use the 'fine' word, but I also don't always want to be the 'throw up' person. Do you know a 'throw up' person? Well, I am that person if you are the 1% person I 'tell it' to! You know, you ask a friend how it is going and they throw up all their problems all over you. Lately, that is me, because I have been stretching my 1% of confidants to anyone who will listen, it seems. I don't want to be the 'throw up' person. I want to spread kindness and cheer, really I DO! But satan is real. I MEAN REAL! And let me tell you, the past year and a half have been... well, the hardest of my life.

I am tired. Tired of hearing that yet?

Recently someone I love said that church is such a hard place to visit because everyone looks so nice, and sit in their perfect pews, and seem perfectly perfect. I assured her that no, NO, some of those perfectly looking people are HURTING inside. They are STRUGGLING just like you are. They are praying their heart out to take the pain away, to show them the way to go, the words to say, the steps to take, and aren't so perfectly perfect.

Our story. I'm not going to 'throw up' on blogger tonight, but OUR STORY, YOUR STORY is important! THE stories do bless others and doesn't allow satan to hold onto that darkness. I believe that satan LOVES those little secrets, the-it's not your business- secrets. Rick Atchley mentioned this a bit in his sermon last week. I grew up with the -it's not your business- attitude. I grew up being told not to trust. Oh, how satan loved that dark side of our life. I do think you need to be careful who you tell, I'm not telling you to call up US magazine and take out an article of your deepest darkest secret that you haven't even told your BFF, but it is freeing- maybe 'throwing up' just a little just might help someone else. There may be a connection with that person that they just may know the exact words to pray! It may be they know someone who has walked a similar path and can help encourage you.

So be careful asking me how I am doing, you may need to duck- sometimes it comes out projectile! I am trying to spread more positive, uplifting messages of hope and bring others joy. I don't think I succeeded tonight. Did I mention I am tired?

Youth Ministry

I put Parker down for his daily nap, sat down at my computer to do my twice daily BLOG readings. Did I say twice, well multiply that by some number. I went to one of my favorite BLOGs to read and read what this wonderful man wrote about Youth Ministry. I cried. I then went to the comments. Read all of those...weeding out ones about bird fajitas. I cried. I have to say my heart hurts. Not hurts...steams. I still am not sure that is a great word. You see, my experience with youth ministry hasn't been great, and that is an understatement. So many times in the church, Satan finds a weak person to use to strangle out spirit of the believers. Satan knows how to pick them. He finds someone who can hide behind a title, use his position to slither into families and rip them apart. That was my family. Our Church of Christ youth minister used his position to sexually molest many young boys in my church. (I mention the denomination because nothing like that happens outside of the Catholic church, right?) . One of those boys being my brother. It is sickening what Satan uses to break families and church families. He know just what to do. He strikes at the innocent.

We were attending a small church in a small town outside of Paris. Things were great, we were young...I think I was about 6 when we received a summer intern for a youth minister position from ACU. I don't even think we had a real youth minister before him. He came in, won us all over. I remember having him over to swim with us and cooking out dinner. I have some very vivid memories. He was an outdoor kind of person, and my family really wasn't the outdoor type, although that was how my dad was raised. He loved to take the boys from the youth group on camping trips, fishing, and hunting. Our intern had to go back to college and finish his degree. I remember our family making him cookies to send off in a care package. When he graduated, our church hired him full time. Years went by. We moved to Paris, but the relationship between my brother and the YM was very strong. There were still camping trips, and hunting (he even bought my brother a gun to keep at his house). Every summer, our Paris youth minister still had activities with the other YM from the small town, they still went to the same Christian camp together so all the boys could be together.
I will never, never forget the night when I was in high school sitting on the bed talking on the phone when I 'had a beep.' I clicked over. It was my brother. He asked if our current youth minister was at our home, and I said yes, he was in the living room talking to mom and dad and I had been sent to my room and instructed not to come out. He asked if I could hear anything. Well, I could hear my mom crying. My brother assured me everything was going to be okay and that he loved me (he didn't say that often or should I say never). We got off and I unplugged the phone so that I could put my ear against the outlet which let into the living room (I was a nosy one) where the adults were sitting. I could put everything together. For the past 10 years, my brother had been sexually molested by our old youth minister. I quickly moved my ear...I had heard enough. To make this long story a little short, we went to court. The YM plead guilty, but don't think that made things easier or shorter. There were also 6-7 other boys in the youth group that were molested, but did not press charges. I would love to tell you that my brother has over come this with flying colors and praises GOD and loves Him. Not true. My brother has had the hardest life. My parents separated a year or so after court, then divorced, my sister started using drugs (since rehabbed and clean), my brother to marry, only to divorce. My brother and sister still search for happiness in all the wrong places, church didn't bring them much hope and love and safety. Not everyone has had a wonderful youth minister who took them to wonderful spiritual places. I see the hurt in my brother, the innocence that was stolen from him, the inability to trust, the distance he has to anyone who cares for him. All because my brother trusted a man who represented god and hid behind his position and his wife to work as a slave of the devil. Some day I know God will use my brother to talk to Youth Ministers from all around the country or use what has happened to grow. But we are far from it now.
I know that God has a plan for him.

In the BLOG I mentioned earlier, he asked for prayers for youth ministers. I want to add prayers for protection for our youth. They look to their youth ministers for such spiritual guidance, and led the wrong way....well.
I am not sure how I will handle Parker in a youth group. I will pray for his safety, and his openness to communicate with us. I will pray for my heart to allow a YM to be involved in his life.

I hope all of this came out okay. I cried the entire way through it and have tried to reread it to edit...it is just hard. So many more details...so many more details that it could be a book. I ask for prayer for my family who still seek to find God in their lives due to the destruction.