Thursday, January 05, 2012

Tough Day

Today started off as a great day. I mean great! What wouldn't be great about a Q and U wedding in a 4's preschool classroom? And there was cake! I mean great! Then we found a snake at the playground. I felt all Billy the Exterminator or someone from NatGeo Wild as I tried to determine what kind it was, and if it was poisonous. That is a post all by itself.

Until after school. Stacey sent me a text that his uncle Bobby has been given 24 hours to live, winning the battle of eternal life, but loosing the battle to cancer.

I get home and see a rat eating out of my bird feeder. Nice.

Then I get an email. Another of our preschool teachers lost their husband suddenly. THAT IS ONLY 13 WEEKS since the last one! REALLY!? REALLY? Tonight as I just spent some time staring at my computer, I was led to an old blog post from February 27, 2010. Just 5 days after Jenny died. This is what is says:

This morning, as I clean up my kitchen from the hurricane that has been left behind from the week, although sweet Aunt Dee did her best to find my kitchen cabinets, I looked up and saw a book on the shelf that I was drawn to. I have started this book about 5 times, and never get far (I don't like to read), but this morning I took it off the shelf and opened it where my bookmark was. The first title that I saw at the top of the page was:

WHY does GOD say no?

So, I will share a few lines from Get Off Your Knees and Pray from Shelia Walsh

One of the greatest mysteries- and challenges-of our relationship with God in prayer is knowing he is both loving and powerful. If God were just loving, then when our prayers were unanswered we'd make peace with it- telling ourselves if he were powerful he would have intervened. If he were powerful but not loving, we would assume him indifferent to our pain.

But that is not who God is. Not only does he love us with a passion that exceeds our understanding, but God is also powerful enough to intervene at any moment and change our circumstances. And sometimes he does that. But more often, he does not. The question is why?

How do you continue to love and worship the one who could have saved the life of your child and did not?

Christ also lived through his father saying no.

Our Savior was fully man, and he suffered as a man would (although without sinning).

But Jesus also knew that even when God was telling him no, he was still with him.

Why does God sometimes say no to our prayers? As I'm sure you realize, I don't have the answer to that question. No one does. BUT WHAT WE DO HAVE IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT WHEN WE KEEP PRAYING---WHEN WE MOVE BEYOND "WHY?" TO "BE WITH ME, LORD"-- we begin to learn more about our faith and our strength in our Father. Confronting God with our why becomes being with God in our need. He is there when we need him. Always. He might not answer our prayers as we would like, but he will be there to HOLD US IN OUR TRIALS!

capitalization by me, not Shelia Walsh.

Thank you Lord for speaking to me this morning, as our husbands, David and Stacey, just finished running a 10k for Jenny that had been on the calendar for over a month. Before any sickness, before any death. "Be with me, Lord" as we start another day without our Jenny and see the bright sun overhead. Be with me, Lord as I strive to be the best mommy and wife today, a day that I would really like to just crawl back into the covers and sleep until I awake from this nightmare. Be with me, Lord, as I learn my new role as a loving friend to a family who is so full of sorrow and hope. Be with me, Lord, as you show me to be BOLD in my walk of faith.

I hope this old blog repost speaks to you as the it did to me. BE WITH ME LORD!


Kristen OQ said...

Thanks for sharing that. You blessed me with your words. Heartbroken for Shanna and her girls.

Jodi said...

ABSOLUTELY. Thanks for that, Paige. You are such a fabulous friend to so many...