Friday, December 03, 2010

Pre White ROCK breakdown. Great title.

I apologize for the blog absence. I haven't felt like it. I will post a few new pictures soon. Today has been a tough day. I felt it coming. It isn't an anniversary, although 9 months have passed. I miss my friend. Total breakdown for me today. It started like this:

I was looking through my blog to find the first reference I made to Jenny about us running together after she got out of the hospital. I talked to her about it on February 4th, when she first went into the hospital. I told her I had gotten new shoes and she HAD to get out of that bed so we could run together with our husbands in these races they had signed up for. I knew I had done that, but I knew I had referenced our running in a few of my peptalks to her on facebook so I wanted to blog about this journey. Oh, you don't remember which ones I am referring... here is a link. So, as I started looking through the different posts and it took me back to February. To the smells, to the thoughts, even the clothes I had on that day I ran into the hospital after a crazy call from David telling me to get up there. I began to BOOHOO. And I mean, lose it! Emaline even walked in and asked me what was wrong. My response, I MISS JENNY! I cry even typing it. I miss her so. This weekend I will run the White Rock Half Marathon. I will run for her. Today, as I started to get anxious about the race and what to wear and what I should add to my ipod and what time will go to the expo and what time we should leave for the race.... I so wanted to call her. I wanted me to make her laugh about some funny comment about what I THINK we should wear. I knew just what to say to make her laugh. I want to hear her giggle. I want her running beside me. NOT IN SPIRIT PEOPLE, but really, beside me! That was the plan. (okay, Emaline just walked in the kitchen, looked at me, and said: your STILL crying?) So, the longest I thought I would even run was a 5k. That was my goal. My goal this weekend is to finish 13.1 miles! Through all of your prayers, all of your encouragement, and my friend, cheering me on, with Christ on my side, I will FINISH!

This crash of my emotions... I found this comment on another blog again that Jenny left for me in 2005.
I am so sorry you are hurting! But you are soo right, God does so much work through our pain. I don't understand and never will but it is truth. He knows what places to take us and how to take us there to get our utmost attention. God WILL use you! Your example will be His witness. I am praying for your perseverence and your focus and for Satan to keep his lousy rear out of your business:)

AND, one last, ARE YOU STILL CRYING from Emaline. I love her.


Miss G said...

Oh Paige! I am so sorry, friend! What a precious daughter you have.

I am so, so sorry that you are missing Jenny but then how could you not? It just is what it is. Man! It stinks to be so hard though. ugg

I am soo amazed and proud of you for running! I am so not a runner and you totally rock for doing this!!


Miranda said...

What an incredible journey. A journey that no one wishes to be put on. Keep on keeping on girl. You're going to do amazing in the run today. I'm proud of you. Thanks for sharing your journey with all of those around you. You are an inspiration.

Shelley said...

Keep RUNNING, RUNNING, RUNNING! You can do it! What an accomplishment! You can do it. Run for Jenny, Run for God, Run for YOU! Wish I was running this weekend,too. My hubs will be running the full tomorrow... Give God the glory!

Brooks Inc. said...

Love you proud of you.

1literatimommy said...

You finished the race, and with an impressive time, Paige! I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!