What the Lord told pressed into me...

This year, I decided I wanted to focus on Jenny's life, not her death. I wanted to remember all the good. I wanted to remember why I loved her so. What drew me, and many others to her spirit. Jenny oozed Christ. She was a magnet, as was Jesus. She brightened a room.  The past 3 years I have dreaded my birthday. My birthday is a bookend to such a difficult time.The day after my birthday was the day she was hospitalized, the roller coaster of days. The past 3 years I have relived each day, remembering what happened that day in the hospital and in my life. I can even tell you what I had on or where I sat in the hospital on certain days. I didn't want to focus on these memories. I wanted to FOCUS on her life! I wanted to thank the Lord for the empty tomb! But, you know what the Lord said to me?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

It's because of the DEATH! Was it all for nothing?

 If Jenny would have lived, would you be the same as you were on February 3rd? Is that okay with you?  NO! It was through her death that He changed me. It was through her death that THOUSANDS witnessed her funeral and lives were changed. It was through her death that the Lord brought MANY to His kingdom. Would it have been the same if she would have lived? WHY are you trying to forget that?! I have peace that the Lord knows I miss my friend. The Lord knows I wish Malaya had her mom, and that David had his wife. The Lord knows this.

When we were at the hospital those many days- the weather truly reflected what was going on in the hospital. I would look out the window and my imagination would create scenes of war outside. A spiritual war. I was sharing with Stacey yesterday about the final day. A conversation between my Lord and Satan. Stacey had a different script but my same scene. What do you think was happening, what was being said?

I can't believe it has been 3 years. The picture above is from Bowden's first birthday party.

Video just a few months after she died. Be still my heart.  Ms. Ninny. Oh, and don't judge my hair after a long day at preschool and it was probably about 10 ish at night. Were you glued to Carepages 3 years ago, I bet you were!