Beautiful Lord

When the storm is raging all around me,
you are the peace that calms my troubled sea...

You are the light that shines and shows me the way...

On the cross you showed your love for me...

awesome and mighty...

BEAUTIFUL LORD...

tender and holy....

Today was a tough day...REALLY...every day has been tough. JUST SICK! I am the only thing that can change. I can allow the Lord and HOLY SPIRIT to just live in me... LIVE IN ME LORD!
Help me when the kids are screaming....when I mess dinner up...when I excuse me (SUCK) at customer service in my business. I NEVER USE THAT WORD. But that is the word feels MOST appropriate. Forgive me Husband, for being testy. Forgive me kids. Forgive me friends. I am having a hard time dealing right now. I can't remember anything.

The words above that aren't my ranting and inappropriate use of language are from the song Beautiful Lord. I put it on my playlist after Jenny got sick and my cousin Susan made a playlist for Jenny on her blog. I had Stacey put it on my Ipod. That is what I have been listening to recently when I run. Today, I just skipped ahead of all the songs that I normally listen and to the ones that I never get to....hit play and started running. About 5 or 6 steps into it...the tears came. Maybe I should back up and say that my kids were....crazy until Stacey got home...even after Stacey got home. We sat down and began eating....he knew. I had already told him how my afternoon was (after our sweet playdate left, really, the kids were angels when he had company, she left and life fell apart). I had told him I wanted to go for a run. He looked at me and said these beautiful words:
Go get ready for you run, I will take the kids to the park. You come home, shower and go to bed!

Oh, how I have a beautiful husband.

Back to my run, 5 or 6 steps into it, the tears came. I just kept thinking about my friend, in that hospital bed, listening to me say I had gotten new running shoes so we could train together and run with our husbands. She agreed. We talked. She showed me with her fingers, us running. Absolutely. More tears. Then words would come on my ipod, I would raise my hands in praise, yes on Trophy Club Drive! People must think I am crazy. Then I would cry, then I would praise and smile....It was so emotional. I got close to my 1 mile, which I usually plan to stop RIGHT at 1 mile, then I heard my sweet cousin Gwen Ann (Gwenie) in my ear. I saw her yesterday at my great aunt's funeral, and she was telling me that the first mile is the hardest. So, I looked at my NIKE watch, saw the 1.00 and kept running. I kept singing...kept crying.... remembered what her fingers looked like...remembered what it was like to stand by her bed....what it felt like to witness each miracle...what her hair looked like in her Spice Girls pig tails...how she turned her head to me and our "moment". I ran....I finished strong! Then I walked home....listened to the music on my ipod. Listened to the words, which is different for me... Beautiful Lord came on...I held my hands up high, smiled, and sang OUT LOUD! Thank you Lord for being beautiful! For being faithful, even when I am tired, when I don't get it, when I just want to sleep.... Thank you for being faithful, for loving me, Thank you Lord for Stacey. Who is learning how to handle me, all over again, the new and different, injured me. Who is being patient. Thank you Lord....