Parker, Emaline, and Bowden's Mommy

Wow. Remember today two years ago!

2012-02-17T07:45:00.000-08:00

Oh how I did not want this day. Other than the day she died, this had to be the hardest.

http://www.kpaigep.blogspot.com/2011/02/february-17-2010-wednesday.html

Please pray today for strength for Beverly and Rick, David and Malaya, and Josh and Kayci, Jonathon and Jennifer. Pray the Holy Spirit invade them today and give them an extra bop in their step, knowing we will see her WALKING in heaven!

Anguish- Joy February 8th

2012-02-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

To tell you that this week has been easy, that my house has been on it's luxury cruise auto pilot, that my husband and I have communicating well, well.... I would be lying. This week has been a tough one. My bed times have been early, and I'm talking 9ish when I usually stay up to around midnight. My body has just been shutting down. I haven't been watching tv, I haven't opened my computer-(except last night to look for boots, and if you are on FB you know that one), I have just closed my eyes and gone to bed around 8:30 or 9, MAYBE 9:45 at the absolute latest. I have been exhausted. I think mentally I am trying to cope with so much that my body has just said ENOUGH! So I have listened. I have put the kids to bed early or Stacey has and I have retreated. AND It is quite possibly to have prepared me for today.

Today was Women's bible class. We are studying James by Beth Moore. We are in week 2. I did my lessons this week and there was a lot of work. Worth it, but heavy. The text- James 1:4-18. There were some things in her study this week that I underlined, even starred! One that I loved was " A lifetime of snuggling up to folks with scissor-hands scars you, but those scars become a road map that leads straight to Jesus." OH how I loved that! Another place she planted for a bit this week was about God's gifts. I likes this: God's gifts are given with goals. They're perfect because they're perfecting. They don't just give today. They give toward every tomorrow." She had us break down our lives into quarters and list our good and perfect gifts God has poured into our lives. I had to intentionally not put down those things that defined the quarters of my life. INTENTIONALLY! What I did instead, was focus on the gifts, the JOY that came from each of those heart wrenching events. It was a great exercise for my mind and my heart. Then she asks this question: Are these examples stirring up thoughts toward a few more of your God given good or perfect gifts? If so, boldly list them.

That got me thinking... SO all that was this past week. TODAY at bible class what were the 2 words she camped on........ JOY and ANGUISH from John 16:20-24. I am going to jot down some things she seared on my heart today so buckle up!

ALL FROM BETH MOORE'S JAMES:

"anguish" is often used to convey the added element of MENTAL DISTRESS. (oh really! So that is where I have been the past 2 years!)

Pain + anxiety= anguish

Suffering + dread= anguish

In greek "to crush, press, compress, squeezed from a great weight. It is used to denotre grievous physical affliction, or mental and spiritual distress.

1. Anguish and joy can coexist

(A friend and I were chatting after the video- chatting, well, I was a crying mess and we were putting it all together.... a great example of this was Jenny's funeral! Don't you agree? Oh the JOY that Jenny was in heaven! That we serve a MIGHTY GOD!, but the anguish we were left here on this earth with OUT HER!! That a husband and daughter were missing their piece of the puzzle! That a mommy and daddy didn't have their first born! Oh the anguish! BUT OH the joy! It can coexist!)

2. Anguish and Joy can trade places

(daily!)

3. The source of anguish can morph into joy

(Your grief will turn into joy! it will convert or change)

4. Mental anguish can be like the mind in LABOR

(People, this is where it hits me. This is what she says: the Hebrew hiyl- "to turn into a circle, twist, revolce; to writhe, travail (in childbirth) bear a child... The main idea is that of writhing in pain, which suffering torment, ... experiencing anguish or distress." PEOPLE! Beth says.... HE will take your pain and turn it into a passion, that we all need a purpose. Stay with me...)

5. Anguish is meant to lead to a birth (John 16:20-22)

(SERIOUSLY! Can you see me? I mean can you really see me? Have you seen this birth take place? We aren't holding that baby yet... the labor is still in process and we aren't sure what this baby will look like but I can tell you it isn't one that I wanted! I get this process is what makes us stronger, towards maturity, to the kingdom, I get it! Perseverance. Endurance. I didn't want to walk this with David, I didn't want to walk this with Jennifer, I didn't want to walk this with Shanna, but I am. I am praying, and like Beth said, we all need a purpose. Is my purpose to walk on earth with those who are grieving? David seems to think so, and I have had another friend mention it as well, then today this lesson! I cried through the entire video. I was a mess. I kept thinking about my friend and the pain that all that loved her have gone through. Their anguish-- what JOY will come? I've heard Beverly say that she has become a grief expert, but she didn't really want to be one. Ya, think? I can't imagine anyone wishing to lose a child, so that God could use them to help others grieve. Now, God uses this anguish, this pain, and transforms us... puts us through labor, sometimes you can feel that contraction coming, other times it hits you like a ton of bricks. I embraced the song long ago- Greater things are yet to come! AND, I don't think for a minute that satan isn't ready as well. Ready to make me doubt. Put me on edge. Throw my cruise ship on a course to destruction. My head is up people. Ready to be filled with JOY and let the 2 coexist a little longer, ready for it to morph, ready for them to trade places, and ready for this labor to be OVER! Can I get an AMEN?

Then I look at the blog from last year. You know what happened this date 2 years ago? It was the marathon night. Of course it would be today, the day where until that day I had never felt the Lord's presence like I did in that hospital. Never. It was that day, I trusted. I prayed liked I had not before, even OUTLOUD and BOLD! Today, 2 years ago began my transformation, my Holy Spirit moment. I know you remember where you were 2 years ago, glued to Carepages and to Facebook!

If this even comes close to sounding like something you need to hear, please go to www.lifeway.com and spend the $5 to see the video. It is session 3. I made the last bit a live link to the website. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it. It WILL bless you!!!! And might make my rambling a bit easier to understand!

In case you forgot what it was like 2 years go, here is the blog:

February 8, 2010 Monday

Buckle your seat belt and put on a pot of coffee! It took me over an hour to write this post. This night I witnessed miracles! This night I learned so much about my spiritual walk. SO many of you are apart of this journey. I know it may get hard trying to follow all the times and who sent what, but don't let that stop you from this day in history. Many of us still talk about this night.

Here we go:

I did it. I got up this morning and got my kids ready, got Malaya read, and Stacey did carpool or Kimberly, can't remember that point, but I took Malaya to school. AND we were on time. My mom came over to watch my kids.

8:41 am Stacey: A doctor came by and said her feet don't look good. God can do a miracle.

Me: YES HE CAN!

Carepages 10:00

We are extrememly grateful for technology. The Lord has been singing over Jenny and her nurses 24-7 thanks to a ihome. We have claimed "Mighty to Save" as our anthem throughout this experience.
There are 3 specific prayer requests today:
1) Her heart needs to be able to sustain her blood pressure ON HER OWN! This is critical and it is the #1 need today. Jenny has got to get off blood pressure meds. It is crucial.
2) Her liver is not functioning right now and we need it to function.
3) Her kidneys are not functioning and we need to begin to function. The dialysis is like a fake kidney.
Thanks for praying today, and let's believe for great things.

12:14 pm Linda (MIL) If you want, Jim and I can keep the kids for you tonight after we get home from work so you can be at the hospital.

12:00 Care pages

Please look at the 10:00am update this morning for specific prayer requests.
Around 11:00 they wanted to see if Jenny would wake up and respond to a few commands. David, Beverly, Rick, Jonathan, Josh and Kayci were with Jenny along with a nurse. We were asking Jenny to do two things: 1) lift her eyebrows, and 2) move her hands. When she moved her eyebrows we wanted to throw a party. It was like it was Christmas morning or like the Cowboys had won the Super Bowl (hey, it could happen). Then, she began to lift her left arm. We couldn't control ourselves.
This only lasted a few moments because they wanted to put her under again because she needs the rest and she needs the machines to breathe for her right now. But to interact with Jenny like this was enough to sustain us for a few hours.

12:23 Me: She moved eyebrows!

12:37 pm David: PRAY!!!

12:40 pm Stacey: Blood pressure is very low! Pray Pray Pray!!!

12:43 pm Amy S.: Julie is contributing to tonight's dinner with a salad and bread.

12:44 pm Me: PRAY! NOT GOOD!

12:46 pm Amy S.: OH NO! Praying right now!

12:49 pm Me: ASK EVERYONE!

1:01 pm David: still working on her. She is rebounding.

I forward that out to my girls, and this!

1:24 Me: stable.

Julie B: I am praying for her Paige

Kelli L. Still praying. Reese said that is a long prayer. Thanks for the update.

Kim H.: Breathe deep. Slow. Be strong. Be courageous. Be patient. She needs you. Malaya needs you. We are praying for you too. God is in control. He is able.

1:28 Carepages:

The past 15 minutes have been brutal for Jenny and the family. Jenny's blood pressure has dropped significantly! Doctors are doing everything to stabilize! Pray right now! Pray hard! Ask God to cast out the sickness in the name of Jesus and heal Jenny! Ask God to increase her blood pressure right now! I will update as soon as I hear from family. They are all back there. Pray!!!

1:43 pm Stephanie: I'm taking my ph2 class, pls update

Me: She is stable.

1:58 pm Angie: Did you hear BP came back up?

2:05 pm Me: Yes! I am w Bev at a hotel for her to shower. So she was ok to leave after all that, so I feel better.

Carepages:

This is a roller coaster and some might say it is too emotionally draining to update this often or with so much detail. But this is what the family wants. If we think it is hard on us...imagine how it is for them!

Jenny's blood pressure is going back up! Slowly. But it is going back up!!!

I have a theory as to why that might be:

- 3 doctors working on her right now.
- 7 nurses working on her right now.
- 2500 people in the CarePage loop praying for her right now.
- Thousands more praying for Jenny around the world.
- The Great Physician being The Great Physician!

Keep praying!!!

2:17 pm Me: Shara! Could you pick up Malaya possible? Not sure yet! I'm at a hotel with bev so she could shower. I have a bit of time be4

Shara: What time does she get out today?

Me: 3

Shara: YES! I will go get her. Do I need to bring her somewhere to meet you?

2:20 Carepages

Jenny is stable. They got control of her Blood Pressure (BP.) They gave her more BP meds.

This is good news!

So now we are back to the prayer request of:

- Get Jenny off of the BP meds without her BP dropping!

I'll keep you posted.

You keep praying!

Angie: R U at the hospital

Me: No

3:57 pm Kim q: pretty sure you already know. They started a blood transfusion.

3:59 pm Me: NO

Kim: OOHHH! I thought you were still there..dang it I wish we could all just go up there night and freaking day til she gets to go back to her Earthly HOME WHOLLY RESTORED

4:06pm Angie: blood transfusion good or bad

4:54 pm Kim q: The r not actually starting transfusion til 7 tonight... her brother thought they already did... dad confirmed 7 pm he we are already anointing the procedure! THX!

5:44 pm Stephanie: tonight at 7pm at hospital.

I have met with Stephanie every Monday night, or CLOSE for 7 years! Location has changed, some of the other members have changed, but the 2 of us have been through it. She is also very close to Jenny. SO, we had our meeting with Kelli AT the hospital.

5:44 pm Me: Stacey and I may take shifts. I will meet you at 7, I think!

6:13 pm Angela g: U can do this. Jenny needs u and u r giving her what she needs.

6:45 pm David: PRAY. She is having a complication. I do not know how serious.

To Stephanie

6:52 pm ME: Complications with blood transfusion! On my WAY!

Not sure here what is going on with me. I know MY GOAL was to keep things constant with the kids, especially Malaya. Stacey was at the hospital and I was doing kid stuff. I know I wrote ON MY WAY, but I wasn't or I wasn't there yet. My in-laws came over as soon as I got kids in bed and I went to hospital. Now, I feel as I need to explain before some of the next texts.... security has split up our large church, and we made satellite churches at different waiting rooms. The room I was in was just down from the main ICU waiting room, next to the elevators. This night, the Ladewigs, Quile's, Stephanie, Kelli Fletcher (can't remember is Scott was there), and me. Brian Markwood also arrived later. Did you notice I didn't mention Stacey? Stacey had an important role when he was at the hospital, he was David's shadow. Stacey didn't leave David's side. Stacey prayed for him, Stacey listened, Stacey helped... on Carepages... when it talked about immediate family, just go ahead and consider that Stacey was there too.

Carepages 7:42

Jenny's blood transfusion has just begun. Things are understandably tense. The immediate family is back in the room with Jenny. Pray. Please pray right now! I spoke with someone today who said when she gets these updates she turns off her TV or shuts her computer or silences her cell phone and just prays!

I would ask that we each do that right now. Stop whatever we are doing and just pray!

And if you could do one more thing...when you're done praying (you know what I mean...) please forward this site to someone else you think might be willing to join this army of prayer warriors! We have over 2500 prayer warriors at this point. How cool would it be to add 500 more and top 3000 by the time Jenny is finished with her blood transfusion?

Jesus, your blood given freely saves our spirit. May the blood that Jenny is receiving save her flesh! We claim your resurrection power!!!

7:46pm Carepages

Jenny is having complications with the blood transfusion. We do not know how serious. The doctor has been called in and he is in route.

7:51pm Stacey: Get the kids IN BED and you need to come!

7:52 pm Kimberly Blake: Hey, do you guys like chicken pot pie? I make a mean one :) I would like to bring your family dinner on Wednesday.I know you are tired and I want to make dinner. Easy to warm up if ya'll will be gone. Is that ok?

8:15 pm Jami: Just saw the latest care page... internal bleeding ?!?!?! What does this mean? Can they fix it?

8:17 pm ME: PRAY IT IS IN THE GUT! PRAY!!!

8:22 pm Jessie: are you here!!!!

8:26 I send out a MASS text: Pray right now the internal bleeding is in the stomach!!! Since we know she has it we want it to be there! Gal bladder has poison too which they are going to drain.

8:27 pm TO Kimberly Blake: That would be great. Can't think past the next minute!

8:28 pm Kimberly Blake: I know girl. You stay strong!

8:33pm Carepages

Please pray that the doctor who can make the decisions that need to be made regarding the blood transfusion complications GET HERE (like physically drive and arrive) AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Please pray for him to arrive NOW!

More updates to follow as soon as I get 'em!

I completely remember this like it was yesterday. I remember praying, praying that the doctor would arrive! We all did.

8:58 pm Carepages

The good news is that the Doctor made it! The bad news is that Jenny has internal bleeding. This is reversible. They are giving her plasma. They are trying to determine where the bleeding is coming from. They are still moving forward with the blood transfusion (They have to at this point) Just keep praying!!! The family is really weary. Thank you for your prayers!

9:00 pm PRAY Check Carepages!!

9:03 pm Linda MIL: we cannot get internet to come up on our phones. What is happening?

9:04 pm Me: Emergency procedure EXTREMELY dangerous.in ROOM to drain gallbladder! With a needle. One slight miss and she will bleed....

Linda: We are praying!

9:09 pm Angie: Thinking of you and sending love to you!

9:17 Jessie: coming up

9:20 Me: very good idea

9:20 pm Me to Jessie: procedure started!

9:27 Carepages:

Prayer Warriors...we are truly in a race against time! They are trying to solve Jenny's internal bleeding. Pray that they can solve it quickly!

9:42 pm me to Stacey: How is David?

Stacey: Struggling. We're outside the ICU in the hall

Me: ok

Stacey: U, Okay?

Me: Yeah, Brian markwood is here keeping us entertained.

Stacey: good.

Me: Brian would like to come talk to David, okay?

Stacey: Not right now, their doing the procedure to check all that girl stuff now.

Girl stuff? Yep, that didn't get put out there. I remember Josh coming down to our 'church' and explaining they were going to have to check out some 'girl stuff' to see if the problems were coming from there, but to not put it on Facebook or Carepages. Stephanie and I immediately looked at each other and we each had the same thought! BABIES! Please Lord Jesus! When they are in there, just FIX what ever is there so that Jenny's womb would be fertile again! Clean out the pipes! I remember thinking... THE STORY! Of how she was able to get pregnant after this little investigation.

9:45 Carepages

Jenny will be going into an emergency procedure to drain her massively infected gall bladder within the next 20 minutes. The doctor's name is Dr. Long. She is driving from Keller. Pray she gets here quick. The surgery will take place in her room. It will be done with ultrasound and a needle. It is high, high risk! It must be done with pin point accuracy with a ton of variables in play! We are praying in the room as I type this and we are praying for the best surgery ever in the history of the world! We are begging God for a miracle! We are praying for super natural wisdom for Dr. Long! We are calling the healing and holiness of heaven and casting out the hurt and infection of hell! We are asking God to move a mountain! We are calling on our God who is mighty to save!!! Please, please, pray!!!

10:21pm Carepages

Dr. Long made it! Family can't be in the room. The moment is tense! Some feel confident. Some are so scared. God is there. God cares. God be with Jenny!

I'll keep you posted.

10:36 pm Jenise: Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and praying for you too!! and Stacey! Hang in there sweet friend. Sent you an email reply but thought you bight b too busy to check so I'm sending this too. Love you so much... wish I were there to help you!

10:38 Kimberly Holmes: Good news? Begging for good news!

Just got a thumbs up from the doctor!! That is all we know!

Kimberly: I'll take that any day!

11:21 pm Jami: I hate that this is such a rollercoaster of emotion- can't imagine how draining on you it must be! Just picking up my apartment, listening to Zoe, worshipping, and PRAYING/BEGGING/PLEADING!!! Love you!

11:30 pm Carepages

Apparently the gall bladder has gone from a 14 back to somewhere close to a 5. (5 is normal, but they didn't say the #5 and they didn't say normal) But here is the cool thing! 2 hours ago they were about to do a massively high risk procedure with a minimal chance of survival and now they have determined that it is not even needed! Keep praying!

Her main doctor wasn't here. We updated and we prayed and the doctor arrived within minutes!

We prayed for Dr. Long to get here and within minutes, she arrived.

We prayed for a successful surgery and they didn't even have to have surgery!

Keep praying!

Specifically for this:

- Doctors to have wisdom.
- To find the source of the internal bleeding.
- For Jenny to stay stable.
- For the blood transfusion to finish up strong!
- For the family who are absolutely worn out!

Keep praying!

PS: she started the blood transfusion with like 2500 members and I said it would be cool if we had 3000 members. We are 25 away! Wow!

11:33 Me to Jami: Thanks girl! Pray during the time they move her!

Jami: Will do! Not going to bed anytime soon.

I CAN'T LEAVE OFF HERE! I must go into the next day! It was ONE LONG DAY/NIGHT!

12:05 am Carepages:

I wonder how that big old nasty gall bladder just shrunk so significantly to a point where it didn't even need surgery while the doctor was driving from Keller to Grapevine? Hmmmmm? :)

12:06 I send out a mass text: MOVING HER NOW! PRAY!

12:10 Carepages:

After 3 docs examined Jenny for an hour, they still are not sure what is causing this new infection and the internal bleeding. The bleeding is better.
Here's the crucial thing right now. They want to do a CAT scan, but there are major risks, which is why they haven't done it yet. They want to do a full-blown scan...from the neck all the way down to the feet. They have to travel 3 floors and down 2 hallways. This is VERY, VERY RISKY!!! It is going to take an entire team to make this short trip...many doctors and nurses. If something goes wrong in a hallway or an elevator, it might be hard to control it.
PLEASE PRAY FOR A SAFE TRAVEL! We need Jenny to remain calm. We need her blood pressure to remain where it is. We need these doctors and nurses to guide her in peace.
They have found one spot and they are eager to find what it is. If the CAT scan reveals what it is, they will operate.
We know it is late, but stay tuned for more updates.
Keep on praying for the activity of God. We trust that he is moving.

12:42 pm I sent this out: Dav asked me to go back and talk to Jenny before they moved her. I did it! God gave me the strength! We are waiting right now to hear ANYTHING!

Remember, they didn't know if she would even MAKE it to the CAT scan! They had me come 'talk to her' in case she didn't. OF COURSE, her family got to go too! They all went before I was summoned. I remember Stacey coming around the corner into 'our church' and motioning with his head for me to come with him. During the LONG walk down the hall, he is preparing me, telling me what my job is, and that I can do it. I remember crying my eyes out during this walk. Looking at the floor, praying my heart out. I walked through the ICU waiting room and down the ICU hall, into her room and gave her my BEST pep talk ever, and i like Pep talks!

1:12 am I send out MASS text: She made the trip!! WHHOOHOOO! The boys were doing chest bumps! Waiting!

1:12 am Jami: YAY! Waiting right here with you!

1:16 am Kelli: AWESOME (They had gone home)

1:49 Carepages

It is a surreal scene. A remnant of family and friends gather and hold on tight to the most tangible thing left - prayer. We get silent. Smaller pockets of prayer break out. More silence. Praise music fills the room. Addison Road's What Do I Know of Holy is what captivates our heart at this moment. Beverly is ministering to another family in the room.

Jenny is down on the first floor under going a CAT Scan.

People are praying all over the world.

God is not asleep. He is not dead. He is very much alive.

We are waiting for Jenny to get back from the CAT Scan.

We'll let you know as soon as we can.

Kayci is dancing.

Angels are among us.

God is here.

2:08 am ME to everyone: No secondary infection! Pray as they wean meds! Pray for a kidney!

I sat in a different chair, in a different part of the room than I had every sat in before. It was so quiet now as many of the members had gone home and now we were a smaller congregation all in the ICU waiting room, but SO many were still on their computers hitting refresh!

2:19 Carepages:

You know something you almost never see in an ICU waiting room? Chest bumps! Seriously! Just saw some of that as friends and family celebrated the baby step of Jenny making it from the 3rd floor to the 1st floor, thru a CAT Scan and back to the 3rd floor again! Safely! The doctor said it was a "stress test for sure and she passed!"

Praise God!

We celebrate and...

We wait.

Wait with us and pray!

Keep praying!

We are going to follow the example of our brothers in Acts 16 and pray and praise our way out of this prison of pain and sickness!

We love you!

You love Jenny and you love Jesus!

We do too!

Josh Ross just said, "that was the coolest chest bump I've ever done!"

Amen!

I remember driving home. I remember PRAISING THE LORD the whole way home. OUR GOD IS GOOD!

3:14 am Carepages

We leave this night with good news worth praising God for. After a smooth trip to get the CAT scan, we were informed by the docs that they were unable to discover another infection. Jenny's blood pressure is stable. An infection would have meant surgery tonight, and they did not want to have to do that because there are way too many risks with Jenny's present condition. So, no surgery, no foreign infection. Hallelujah, Praise God Almighty.
The goal tonight is to begin weaning her off blood pressure meds. She is on 3, and by the morning the doctor wants her off of 1. Then, we'll go after the 2nd one and then the 3rd. After that, we will continue to reverse everything as Jenny is weaned off all of the machines that she is on.
We are going to sleep. It is 2:00 and we are tired.
We love you all! There were so many updates tonight. We kept giving you specifics and you can't laying them before God. We marvel at God's willingness to speak into each one of those requests.
I will not post again until around 10:00am.

(There were 12 comments on Carepages from the 3-4 am time frame. So many walked this night with us)

This is what February 6th looked like 2 years ago...

2012-02-06T12:27:00.000-08:00

oh it hurts to think about these days... but I can also praise HIM in all that HE has done with me in the past 2 years... God is good!!

February 6, 2010

Well, my first text of day was actually in the middle of the night. I remember sitting in my bed alone, trying to unwind from the days events. Malaya's asleep with Emaline, and the 2 boys in their room.

12:09 am ME:About to go to bed, GIVE me something good!

12:10 am Stacey: Yes getting a little better all the time. They have taken her med levels down a little and she is holding steady. She is a fighter.

Carepages had this up around midnight:

This has been a rough 36 hours.

Here is something to praise God about...Jenny's vitals are the best
they've been since she has been in the hospital. She still has a
ways to go, but her blood pressure is the best it's been and she is
finally breathing better. Earlier, they wanted the machines to do
the breathing for her but Jenny kept fighting it.

We are blown away by the love and support.

Keep praying in faith. We're asking for the God of healing to speak
the word.

7:21 am ME to many: The dialysis machine has malfunctioned! They are also concerned about her PH levels, scary times (per her mom on FB)

8:00 am from Joel: u at hospital?

Me: Just pulled up.

Joel: just wanted an update. Last one on FB didn't sound good.

Me: It's not.

Joel: Not at all what I wanted to hear. Not at all!

8:59 am Stephanie: On way to hospital

Me: Great. Malaya has a basketball game today so we are going to that. BTW we postponed Parker's birthday party but I'm sure you figured that out.

9:24 am Stacey: Bout to start a real powerful drug with some possible complications. Pray this works!

10:07 am Via Carepages

Here is the first update of the day.

Earlier this morning the dialysis machine broke. Jenny had too much
fluid coming out and it clogged up the machine.

She is fighting and the doctors are fighting.

They have put her on a new medicine this morning. It is a risk
because it is a make it or break it drug. If the medicine causes
bleeding, there is no way to stop it. The doctor feels it is worth
it because it is very effective against sepsis.

It is still a crucial 24-hour...

10:07 Angela Gier: Will pray for success w/out side effects!

Me: Side effect would be bleeding of the brain.

Angela: Oh dear Lord show us your healing power!

10:33 am Felicia: I'm about to get out of the house, you need anything?

Me: I'm at Jenny's right now getting some things for Malaya. Thank you! She has a bball game today. U r sweet.

10:56 am Stacey: They now confirm it was strep that started all this.

11:18 am Kimberly Holmes: Tell STP I am bringing 4 large pizzas in 15 minutes

11:39 am Stacey: good thing M (malaya) is not here! Lots of emotion coming out!

Noon Update on Carepages:

We wish that we had paragraphs of good news to report.
They have started a new dialysis, so please God, let this one work.
The doctors and nurses have the full-court press on.
The doctors names are Dr.Lester and Dr.Kolligari.
The nurse right now is Tamara. They have have all been honest and courageous. We assure them that they are prayed over.
They have told us that Jenny is the sickest person in this ICU.
Many of us are too tired to pray, so thank you for praying for us. Your prayers are sustaining Jenny and her family.

12:05 pm Me: M just scored!

Stacey: she is a stud!

12:12 pm Me: M just scored again!

12:15 pm Me to David: Your baby has scored 2 baskets! She is awesome!!

David: Way to go Malaya!

12:57 pm Me to David: Malay got most christlike after game.

1:00 pm Me to Stacey: Malaya's prayer request after game " my mom is sick"

Carepages:

There is nothing new to report at this time.
We have had a number of visitors to the point that security just came and cleared them out. They told us that we can only have 6 in the waiting room at a time. For some reason, they thought that 75 people in a small waiting room was a bad idea. HA!
Most people have gone to other waiting rooms. Not a set back...we've just gone from a mega church to a bunch of cell churches! HA! We are planting churches throughout the hospital!

We will get them news whenever we hear new info.

Remember to message the family, put this link on your Facebook and Twitter Account. Forward it to your churches and contact lists. People from throughout the world are locking arms and lifting prayer! Praise Him!

Blessed be His Name!

1:35 pm from David: :) and she is so Christlike. thanks Paige. I am so proud of you Malaya.

3:36 from CarepagesJust got word that the drug that was given to Jenny to fight the infection was causing some dangerous side effects. Therefore, the doctors decided to stop the medicine. This simply means that they will not be able to attack the infection as aggressively as they would have liked.

Please continue to pray for Jenny, the family and especially for the medical staff to have divine wisdom. We will keep you posted as information becomes available.

Think on this:

The disciples asked Jesus how to pray. He said, "your will be done on Earth as it is in heaven."

There is no strep, staph, or pneumonia in heaven.

Pray for heaven to come and hell with it's sickness to be cast out!

Pray with the authority of God through the power of the Spirit that the resurrection power of Jesus be released in Jenny's body!

5:21 pm Jami: Is she improving at all? Haven't stopped begging God all day!!!

Me: No. It truly is a rollercoaster. I'm going to drop her at movies with some friends from her life group then heading to hospital.

At 6:33 pm I sent out this mass text: BEST YET! Read carepages in about 5 minutes.

6:35 pm Carepages:

We have several PRAISES to share!

1. Many of you offered buddy passes and airline miles but we couldn't quite work out the logistics. However, God sent us an angel who offered to pay for the tickets! That is a praise!

2. The heart doctor came in a said that her heart is "holding steady" which is also a praise!

3. The blood work report came in and shows that the PH (blood gas)levels are coming up; have made the most significant jump to date; and are the highest levels since Thursday. This is a praise!

4. Bottom line is that Jenny is still critically ill and clinging to life but she is also not getting worse. This is a PRAISE!

Keep praying! The family feels it. Jenny needs it.

6:47 pm I sent out this mass text: It was strep A then she got the flu that settled in her lungs and into blood stream very rare. Check carepages.

I didn't find any carepages that worked back into that text.

at 8:56 pm.... horrible news. I sent out this mass text.

POSSIBLE AMPUTATIONS!!! PRAY!

THis response came from AG: Enough Already! God please completely heal her!

JH: OMG!!! NOOO!!!!

9:50 Carepages

If you are reading this message, please say a prayer for Jenny.
She needs to be lifted up in prayer right now - pray for blood
circulation!

10:01 I text Jessie, who is down stairs in hospital at one of the 'satellite churches' and ask if Malaya is ready to go home. I think for her it was so fun to see so many people that love her in one place. She just bounced around hugging and talking to everyone. The nice couple that took her to the movies had brought her back to hospital.

10:03 pm Jessie: she's just chilling and talking. I'll bring her up soon. She says she wants to see Alyssa. She should be backs soon with Jace and Mandy.

10:24pm Carepages

Jenny's hands and feet are turning black. Please continue to
pray for circulation in her body. God is the ultimate healer, pray
for him to heal Jenny's body!

I have about 100 texts from this day. After I would send out those mass texts, I would receive comments back from everyone how they were praying, how they were on their knees, how they were battling, praying for me. I remember this being SUCH an exhausting day emotionally. I brought M home and we went to bed. There are more carepages updates as well.

12:08am Carepages had this:

The doctors think that the circulation can be treated. That was
good news!

The nurses feel that she is stabilized for the night, so we're
going to try and get a little rest.

I just can't decide...

2012-02-05T18:34:00.001-08:00

if you want me to repost what I did last year, or are you going to go read it? Do you want to hear it, or just pray for me to move on? I'm torn.

36

2012-02-03T21:21:00.000-08:00

That is how old I am today! Yep, it's my birthday. Today, my husband and friends made it very special! And so did the kids. At lunch time Stacey took me to Luke's to pick up my new pair of shoes. It's the 3rd year of this tradition. I know many of you know this story.... and the one that follows for the next 19 days. I ask that you pray for Jenny's family - David, Malaya, Rick, Beverly, her 2 brothers and their families. I ask that you pray for her friends. I miss her terribly... so I will run.... we will run. I've set some goals for me this year, the year of 36.... Wanna join me?

Tonight, my almost 8 year old, offered and tried his best, well, he actually thinks he did pay for our dinner at Snuffers. His heart is so good. Bowden kept telling everyone his birthday is in June and when he turns 4 he gets to play soccer but can play tball now and his daddy is the coach. Then we went to the movies to see One Miracle about the Whales. It was good, some language... WHY must they do that to a great movie!?

So, thanks for all the Facebook wishes. It was a great day!

One of those days

2012-01-18T07:50:00.000-08:00

Do you have those mommy days like this:

You are doing the laundry, it needs to be folded. You take the laundry to be folded and realize you need to get hangers from the kids room. You go to kid 1 room and see many shirts that need to be ironed. So you get the shirts and bring to kitchen. You begin to get the ironing board out and see an invitation to a birthday party on the counter. You then walk calendar to write birthday and see a box top on the counter. You stop and gather all the box tops and glue down on paper. Getting the glue you see a card your sister gave you and it brings you to tears. Next to the card are some stamps and miscellanious things that need to be sorted through. I sort. I find olf pictures that need to be put into a photo album. I go through 4 photo scrapbooks thinking how old I am. Don't get side tracked! Back to counter that is now destroyed with coupons, business cards, notes.... You find old check book receipts. You begin organizing and looking through the duplicates. That gets you thinking about your taxes! Don't get side tracked I tell myself. On the same shelf with stamps are 2 old cameras I've been meaning to charge so I can carry 1 in my purse when I don't have my big momma jomma cameras with me. So I go get the cord to charge the camera and plug into my computer. Now I am blogging because now my computer is up and.... why not! My house is now destroyed.

Ever have one of these days.... OH yeah... the LAUNDRY!

Just thinking about 6 years ago...

2012-01-16T20:09:00.000-08:00

I had to repost this old blog, and make sure you see who the first comment is from....

Emaline Cagle Pearson

Emaline Cagle Pearson was born January 17th at 1:26 am! She weighed in at 8 lbs 13 ozs and was 21.25 inches long. Emaline decided that she didn't want to wait until the 18th to make her appearance, she sent me into labor on Monday having contractions every 12, then 10, on down to 4 minutes apart by the time we made to the hospital, where after being checked I was already at a 5!!!! (Special shout out to our middle of the night baby sitter!) My doctor got my c-section rolling fast and we had a birth day. She is absolutely beautiful with a full head of hair. Her name is a family name tracing back into the 1840's on my dad's side, then her middle name was my grandmother's maiden name. Parker is adjusting well, except when she cries. My brother made him a shirt for Christmas that said, "I was FIRST" so he wore it up to the hospital. Emaline gave Parker a stuffed lion because when we were first teaching Parker sister's name, he would roar like a lion because the end of the her names does sound like LION. Parker picked out a teddy bear and gave it to sister...I mean Emaline.

11 comments:

jenny biz said...: SOOOOOO beautiful!! My heart has been jumping for joy for you guys! I can't wait to hold her again!! I am so glad Parker is jumping in there with big brother role!! Love you guys!!; 5:56 AM
jettybetty said...: Congratulations to you all!
She is beautiful!
Blessings!; 6:35 AM
Phillips' Family said...: She is beautiful!!!! We are so excited about Isaac's new friend. I am going to try and pop by the hospital today once the husband is home--i have a sick baby and don't want to infect Miss Emaline! I love the name--we were all trying to guess what her name would be at Birthday Club on Monday night!; 6:40 AM
Jami said...: Ok, tears in the eyes. She is so beautiful!!! I will see you guys this afternoon after work! Love you all!!!; 6:54 AM
Kelli said...: Congratulations. She is really beautiful!; 7:24 AM
Jenni said...: Yay!! I'm so glad that she is here! She's beautiful!; 8:02 AM
Brett and Jenny Perkins said...: Emaline is beautiful! I'm glad everything went well. Congrats!

jenny; 8:18 AM
Summer said...: What a precious baby girl! She is perfect! Congratulations!; 10:31 AM
Beverly Ross said...: Congrats! She is beautiful! How big Parker looks! Can't wait to see her!; 2:15 PM
MDM said...: Love the name!! She is a little piece of heaven. Eat her up!!; 2:59 PM
Maria said...: Where did you get the name Emaline?
I have a 4 year old daughter named Emaline. 1 week befor I found out I was expecting I recieved a photograph of my grear-great grandmother Emaline Martin from 1889 and I decided that that was to be my little girls name. I thinkn it is one of the most beautiful names.; 3:20 PM

Moments to not forget

2012-01-11T20:05:00.000-08:00

Tonight after church, I had these 2 in my car. Bowden decided to ride with his daddy since we had met there. I asked Parker first-- Parker, what do you love about me? I was just curious about what he would say. well his response: Your vocabulary.

That was a shocker. I will be the first to say, that is an area to really need to work on, and now I will since my almost 8 year old thinks I have a good one.

I asked the same question to Emaline. Her response-- EVERYTHING. So, I tried to trick her, and that girl is SMART! I reminded her that EVERYTHING included me cooking corn. She doesn't like corn. Her response-- I LOVE the way you cook the corn, I just don't like to eat it.

oooooh. I'll have to be on my toes with her.

Now, not to leave Bowden out, usually he keeps me in stitches, but today... he was being sassy! TOO SASSY! I pulled a pot of Taco soup from last week out of the fridge to throw away. We just haven't been home. This happened at the same time the kids were coming into the kitchen for their dinner of chicken nuggets and mac and cheese (I forgot that the dinner on my menu had to bake for an hour... and I didn't have time to bake it and eat before church, so I resorted to NUGGETS). My sweet, precious, adorable 3 year old said this:
I KNOW I am not eating Taco Soup, that is for sure.

He and I had a little talk in the next room.

Today, January 10th- not as one would have planned

2012-01-10T18:06:00.000-08:00

Today, 2 different families spent the day much different as they would have planned.

Today, a young mother got up, got her 2 girls up, joined hundreds to say good bye to her 41 year old husband.

Today, a woman woke up, joined her children, grandchildren, and family to say goodbye to her 69 year old husband.

One woman I work with and have known for 7 years, and the other is my aunt-in-law that I have known for 11.

I can't imagine they would have planned today this way, would you? One man, tragic death. Another man, a battle of cancer.

Stacey and I have spent a LOT of time in the car lately, and a LOT of it alone, without children, something we don't get often. These losses in our life have opened up so many different avenues of discussion of our own lives, and our own deaths. It has us talking about doctors appointments we need to make. It has us talking about what we would do with our children if something happened to both of us at the same time. It has us talking about cremation or burial. It has us talking about songs we would like at our funeral and what we would like for our funerals to be like. So many things. We want to take care of a lot of this so that the ones we love don't have to. One of the things we are certain.... heaven is going to be an amazing place! Our God is mighty! We have hope! WE have GRACE! We know... we know.... WE KNOW who our savior is! And that gives us such peace about all of the above.

Have you talked to your husband or family about your wishes? What are some other things we need to consider? I know there are a bunch of things I left off that list above that we actually talked about... but help me make a list that Stacey and I need to make sure we have covered.

Tough Day

2012-01-05T20:40:00.000-08:00

Today started off as a great day. I mean great! What wouldn't be great about a Q and U wedding in a 4's preschool classroom? And there was cake! I mean great! Then we found a snake at the playground. I felt all Billy the Exterminator or someone from NatGeo Wild as I tried to determine what kind it was, and if it was poisonous. That is a post all by itself.

Until after school. Stacey sent me a text that his uncle Bobby has been given 24 hours to live, winning the battle of eternal life, but loosing the battle to cancer.

I get home and see a rat eating out of my bird feeder. Nice.

Then I get an email. Another of our preschool teachers lost their husband suddenly. THAT IS ONLY 13 WEEKS since the last one! REALLY!? REALLY? Tonight as I just spent some time staring at my computer, I was led to an old blog post from February 27, 2010. Just 5 days after Jenny died. This is what is says:

This morning, as I clean up my kitchen from the hurricane that has been left behind from the week, although sweet Aunt Dee did her best to find my kitchen cabinets, I looked up and saw a book on the shelf that I was drawn to. I have started this book about 5 times, and never get far (I don't like to read), but this morning I took it off the shelf and opened it where my bookmark was. The first title that I saw at the top of the page was:

WHY does GOD say no?

So, I will share a few lines from Get Off Your Knees and Pray from Shelia Walsh

WHY LORD?
One of the greatest mysteries- and challenges-of our relationship with God in prayer is knowing he is both loving and powerful. If God were just loving, then when our prayers were unanswered we'd make peace with it- telling ourselves if he were powerful he would have intervened. If he were powerful but not loving, we would assume him indifferent to our pain.

But that is not who God is. Not only does he love us with a passion that exceeds our understanding, but God is also powerful enough to intervene at any moment and change our circumstances. And sometimes he does that. But more often, he does not. The question is why?

How do you continue to love and worship the one who could have saved the life of your child and did not?

Christ also lived through his father saying no.

Our Savior was fully man, and he suffered as a man would (although without sinning).

But Jesus also knew that even when God was telling him no, he was still with him.

Why does God sometimes say no to our prayers? As I'm sure you realize, I don't have the answer to that question. No one does. BUT WHAT WE DO HAVE IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT WHEN WE KEEP PRAYING---WHEN WE MOVE BEYOND "WHY?" TO "BE WITH ME, LORD"-- we begin to learn more about our faith and our strength in our Father. Confronting God with our why becomes being with God in our need. He is there when we need him. Always. He might not answer our prayers as we would like, but he will be there to HOLD US IN OUR TRIALS!

capitalization by me, not Shelia Walsh.

Thank you Lord for speaking to me this morning, as our husbands, David and Stacey, just finished running a 10k for Jenny that had been on the calendar for over a month. Before any sickness, before any death. "Be with me, Lord" as we start another day without our Jenny and see the bright sun overhead. Be with me, Lord as I strive to be the best mommy and wife today, a day that I would really like to just crawl back into the covers and sleep until I awake from this nightmare. Be with me, Lord, as I learn my new role as a loving friend to a family who is so full of sorrow and hope. Be with me, Lord, as you show me to be BOLD in my walk of faith.

I hope this old blog repost speaks to you as the it did to me. BE WITH ME LORD!

Not ready...

2012-01-02T21:09:00.000-08:00

I'm not ready for kids to go back to school tomorrow! I think Bowden will have withdrawals! This Christmas break has been so much fun. We all seem to really enjoy each others company, most of the time, well, sometimes, well, when they don't wake me until the sun is up.... and if it isn't to put on an American Girl doll shoe, or something like that.

My kids are growing up too fast. TOO FAST!

Bowden keeps us in stitches most of the time. I love the way he crinkles his nose when he talks to me to add emphasis. His love for dinosaurs, and the guitar.

Parker is so stinkin' smart it amazes me. He can't get enough of NatGeoWild and has decided he wants to be a vet when he grows up. He loves to read and has about 3 books going at one time.

And Ms. E, well, this girl.... she is a thinker. I love how she puts everything together and then explains it to you. She has such a sweet heart as well, and OH how I will always remember her singing with me at church on Sunday. She also likes to help me in the kitchen and never wants anyone to be alone, she is sensitive.

So, I quickly threw together a new blog header to try to encourage me to blog more.... we will see, I sure hope I do. I miss it.

2011

2011-12-31T20:42:00.000-08:00

Well, just a little over an hour and 2011 is gone. Bye bye.

I'm ready.

The end of 2010 went out with an event that I didn't blog about, I didn't share with many, but it was a life shattering event. Shattering. I have lived 2011 facing it almost daily as I relive the event. It has been difficult. Satan had tackled me, wrestled continuously, but has NOT WON! NOPE.

I haven't let him steal my JOY. Joy was my WORD for 2011. It was suppose to be. I really fought hard to not let him steal it. I had to remind myself to LIVE. That my life goes on, I have 4 others that rely on me. That 3 little ones look at me daily, watch me minute by minute, and when they are grown and we discuss (if it comes up) this event, that we discuss how the Lord led me, held my hand, spoke in my ear, and I still called HIM Lord! I faced satan. I cried. I screamed. I chose Jesus.

Loosing my sister friend was shattering. I had almost lived 1 year without her, when another baseball bat to my knees hit. With those same knees, I pray. I get back up. The Lord shows me...this earth...it is painful Paige. BUT, but, BUT!!!! Through my wounds, YOU ARE HEALED! And just wait.... just wait!!! So I wait. I wait with open arms. Ready to embrace what the Lord has for me in 2012. My word for 2012 is LIGHT! Through the troubles of this world, I pray that LIGHT will ooze from me! That I will not be able to keep it to myself, all that the Lord has done.

I pray that for you!

Emaline's Santa Questions

2011-12-12T13:29:00.001-08:00

Emaline has these questions for Santa: 1. Who is the oldest reindeer? 2. Does Santa get presents 3. How did you get so fat? 4. How does he get into our chimney without being loud? If you can help us with these answers, we would greatly appreciate it! Thanks, Emaline.

I know it has been a while

2011-11-08T14:50:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry. We have had so much going on. So much. We all do, I know. Here are a few thoughts:

I shared my story in class at church. In front of LOTS of people. LIKE A FULL CLASS, and I mean like 80 people. LIKE A LOT. The Holy Spirit was amazing that day, and although I didn't stick to all my notes, I feel like I shared what needed to be shared and God was glorified! Maybe I will summarize on here someday.

We had Jenny's Run for Hope on October 22. I have many photos and thank you's coming. It was an amazing day out of a dream.

I've been struggling as a mommy. Emaline has had 3 instances where she was bullied at school and ONE TIME it was from a mommy. Lord, forgive me for wanting to drive to that woman's house and burn it down, I mean talk.

Parker and Emaline have both played soccer. Stacey assistant coached Parker and I assistant coached Emaline.

Photography has been amazing. I have a few spots available, and I mean FEW! I had to open another day of mini's to make room for some amazing people.

I have seen Satan stomping all over the place. I MEAN ALL OVER! I am tired of it and you should be too!

I am sick of people using Facebook to 'talk' about people. You know what I am talking about. People hashing out fights, and taking digs at people over Facebook. I AM TIRED OF IT! It just makes you look bad. It really does. Oh, there are things that I would love to put out there. Things, people who just keep amazing me by their actions, but it just isn't the place. I don't feel bad putting here in BLOG world. You have CHOSEN to come read my blog, my online journal. Facebook isn't that! It is a place for you to connect with friends= connect, not bash or cut at. I have laughed, I have cried... but I don't like feeling the emotion of 'mad' when reading the feed. I mean, do you defriend?

Bowden keeps me in stitches, like ALL THE TIME. I truly wish I could freeze time on this guy.

Emaline is becoming such a beautiful young girl, inside and out. I love this girl.

Parker is a sponge. He is such a smart whip. His favorite channel is NatGeoWild, and confession... I LOVE IT TOO!

I backed into Stacey's parked truck, in the fog, with his tailgate down, when he usually isn't home that time in the morning, and we were running behind, not late, for school. Really messed up the mini, did nothing to his bumper and tailgate.

Well, I must go start dinner for my crew. Hope you all are doing well out here in the BLOG world.

Really?

2011-09-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

This morning before 7, as usually a little bug appeared on my side of the bed. As usual, I wrap my arm around that little body and pull him into my bed. This time as I wrapped my arm around him, I noticed something different. He was pant-less. He was sleeping diaper-less. Really? His words:

Mom, I neeeeeed you.

M: What is wrong?

I have poop on my bottom.

M: WHAT???!!!!

Daddy's attention has been gotten now. He says he will take care of it. Cool. He's my man girls! Don't fight!

Well, bug now reappears on my bedside wearing superhero underroos. I asked him if he had gone poop in his diaper. His answer:

yes, just a lilllll bit. And it looks like a dinosaur.

M: WHAT!?

M: Where is your diaper?

B: in the dirty clothes.

M: IN THE DIRTY CLOTHES!!!????

Daddy: Uh, I'll go investigate.

Upon returning, Daddy confirmed diaper was in dirty clothes, and poop was found, but it didn't resemble a t-rex. And it was 'jus a lil bit.' The rest of the poop was in the potty.

I love this boy. Even if when he returned to my bed, had cold feet. AND, he continued to punch me in the chin. I asked him to stop punching me in the chin, but his response was: I trying to get closwer to you. AND GIRLS, he is mine too!

The Lord's Hand

2011-08-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

BOY, if you have doubted it, ASK ME! His hand has been seen in my life in the past week. He has been working on me. Molding me. Creating. Preparing me for what was coming... and it has started. I'm not sure what this all means in my life, and you probably think I am crazy because this doesn't make sense.... but the LORD'S hand is at WORK!

ALSO, as I have seen the LORD's hand, I have also seen SATAN! BOY is he hard at work! He is working hard on our marriages! Lean in towards the LORD ladies, and men (if I have any men readers!). Seek guidance. Seen wisdom! HEAVY spiritual warfare is happening around me! I'm arming myself, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? If you don't see it, open your eyes! I ASSURE YOU!!!
IT IS AROUND YOU!

Lord, don't let us sit around NOT preparing ourselves! Prompt us LORD to see urgency in this! Show us ways, people, books, speakers we need to be filling our lives with! THIS IS BIG STUFF and we can't DO THIS WITHOUT YOU!

Twas the first DAY OF SCHOOL!

2011-08-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

Well, my alarm went off at 6:15. As I laid in bed, Parker and Bowden came bouncing in announcing they were dressed, hair and teeth brushed, and that Parker had dressed Bowden. He said he woke up at 6:00 am.

I woke Emaline up closer to 7. This was here after I said: Good morning Kindergirl!!!

B had to carry his lunch that I made him. He even took it into the kids school. He wanted to eat his lunch about 9 am!

Both kids had good days. Emaline was upset when I picked her up from school. She finally told me that it was because she didn't get to do anything. She said she didn't get to go to PE, she didn't get to go to Art. I asked her if she got to go to Music, and she said yes, but that wasn't good enough. She is funny. She is also upset that I signed her up to bring her lunch all week. She told me that Ms. Peters explained to her how to use the cafeteria and that she was ready! I assured her I knew she was, but I also expect the lines to be longer and I wanted her to have time to eat her lunch. I know, I am mean.

Parker had a great day! Not much on the details, but his class has 4 new students, and he said he made friends with them. This year he isn't with any of his good 'buddies'. That was heartbreaking at meet the teacher. Heartbreaking for me. He seems to be dealing very well with it. I love him and his confidence. I know he will have a great year!

B and I also had a great day!

Don't like your story?

2011-08-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

I keep being in awe of the lessons I am learning from Rick Atchley at the Hills church, and from Chris Hatchett.

Today, in class, begins a time where we will share our story. Chris started out the series by giving part of his story. He also quoted a book about 'stories' and basically said- if you don't like your story, then change it! I love that idea. It does help mentally to think, YES, I can change it.

What if other people are writing chapters in your book?

How does that work?

Chris also spoke about about conflict, about even though we don't like it, it's an important part of our story, it makes up our story.

Yes it does! As I think back over my 'story' it is full of conflict. I have always said- I have a choice. I can choose to be a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, a better daughter. I have a choice of what examples in my life I will choose to follow.

We watched Chronicles of Narnia for the first time this weekend. We watched the last one. Still haven't seen first ones, but I was meant to watch this one. It spoke to me a few different times.

I thank the Lord for loving me. For being enough! He is who fills me! He is whom I aim to please. He can fill me with JOY! I will be stronger. I know that. He has walked me through some of these same struggles over and over in my life. He is always there, again and again. He NEVER lets me down. HE never hurts me. Oh HOLY Father, fill me with your SPIRIT!

.... and hopefully my next post will be full of laughter and goodness.

For real REAL.

2011-08-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

I posted that yesterday, and really today mostly was a day where satan just started poking me. Just an annoying poking. MOST OF THE DAY! I prayed against it. I prayed for help. Got some relief, then tonight it has hit so hard that I almost can't breathe. The anxiousness is overwhelming.

Here is a small spit up: So, I look forward to Women of Faith like all year. ALL YEAR! I was looking forward to it beyond belief. I needed to hear what these women were going to say. NEED it! Tomorrow is Meet the Teacher at the kids school. I had a plan. Husband was going to meet me there and I would go to both teachers and one of my WOF companions would pick me up from school and we would head straight there. We would join our 3rd party and eat afterwards this time. Sounds great! It's been on my calendar for months. It has been the weekend before school starts for years. Guess what I just found out? IT ISN'T THIS WEEKEND!!!

It's next weekend.

Next weekend. You mean, the weekend where my kids begin soccer games!! Did I mention I am the assistant coach?? Oh, and Stacey's mom's side of the family is having a fish fry on Saturday out in East Texas!!! Did I mention I was beginning to pack? No wonder WOF companion coming in from out of town hasn't told me where we were staying! I'm not meeting her there TOMORROW, it's NEXT WEEKEND.

Oh, I just want to SCREAM! It would alarm my husband who is now asleep beside me. Oh, and we had a difference of opinion on something. Nothing major, you know, just one of those things and it hit right after I found all this WOF stuff out. He was super supportive about missing E's FIRST GAME, and about missing the family cook out. He understands. It is just ALL MY FAULT that I wrote the wrong date on my calendar MONTHS ago! MONTHS!

CALGON! Oh yeah, my bathtub doesn't work.

Let me wipe my mouth now.

Let's get real

2011-08-17T21:08:00.000-07:00

I mean it, let's get real. How are you doing? How do you usually answer? Do you give the 'Fine' answer or do you tell it? Do you choose who you 'tell' it to, and give the 'fine' answer to 99% of the other people?

Well, I'm tired. Things in my life have been tough. I mean tough. AND I AM TIRED.

I don't want to use the 'fine' word, but I also don't always want to be the 'throw up' person. Do you know a 'throw up' person? Well, I am that person if you are the 1% person I 'tell it' to! You know, you ask a friend how it is going and they throw up all their problems all over you. Lately, that is me, because I have been stretching my 1% of confidants to anyone who will listen, it seems. I don't want to be the 'throw up' person. I want to spread kindness and cheer, really I DO! But satan is real. I MEAN REAL! And let me tell you, the past year and a half have been... well, the hardest of my life.

I am tired. Tired of hearing that yet?

Recently someone I love said that church is such a hard place to visit because everyone looks so nice, and sit in their perfect pews, and seem perfectly perfect. I assured her that no, NO, some of those perfectly looking people are HURTING inside. They are STRUGGLING just like you are. They are praying their heart out to take the pain away, to show them the way to go, the words to say, the steps to take, and aren't so perfectly perfect.

Our story. I'm not going to 'throw up' on blogger tonight, but OUR STORY, YOUR STORY is important! THE stories do bless others and doesn't allow satan to hold onto that darkness. I believe that satan LOVES those little secrets, the-it's not your business- secrets. Rick Atchley mentioned this a bit in his sermon last week. I grew up with the -it's not your business- attitude. I grew up being told not to trust. Oh, how satan loved that dark side of our life. I do think you need to be careful who you tell, I'm not telling you to call up US magazine and take out an article of your deepest darkest secret that you haven't even told your BFF, but it is freeing- maybe 'throwing up' just a little just might help someone else. There may be a connection with that person that they just may know the exact words to pray! It may be they know someone who has walked a similar path and can help encourage you.

So be careful asking me how I am doing, you may need to duck- sometimes it comes out projectile! I am trying to spread more positive, uplifting messages of hope and bring others joy. I don't think I succeeded tonight. Did I mention I am tired?

More birds!

2011-08-13T20:28:00.000-07:00

Our baby birds

2011-08-13T20:11:00.001-07:00

Oh yes we did! We had the cutest baby birds outside our window. RIGHT OUTSIDE! The birds had created a next in our bush, right outside our window, and even created the entrance for our viewing. We sat up our video camera on a tripod and captured HOURS of their activity. Not sure when we will watch it, but we have it!

I've got LOTS more pictures... I'll post a few more.

Pray

2011-07-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

Please pray for sweet Kanyon and family. Many of you prayed for Kanyon 4 years ago when he and his sister were born. You mourned the death of Jayde. You begged for Kanyon, pleaded. You rejoiced!

It's time again.

Kanyon and his family need us. You can click on his name at the top to get to his blog, or here.

Emaline getting her ears pierced!

2011-07-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

She has been asking for a while. I always thought we would make her wait until she was 10. WHY RUSH IT? Well, I don't think letting her get her ears pierced took away her childhood. She earned it. She has worked hard and shown responsibility.
In the parking lot before we got to Sweet and Sassy.
OH, she jumped her little self right in this chair and picked out the earrings she will be wearing for the next 8 weeks.
They dotted her ears with a marker... and we are still good.
Uh oh, do you see the fear? Hasn't been present AT ALL! Even talking to Parker on the way in.. no fear!
Here she wanted my camera to see the dots on her ear, but don't let that smile fool you.
A face at her brothers.

All you girls out there... you know what she is feeling, right?

Yep, you are probably reading this right now making the same face she is.

Yes, baby girl. You did it, and it is okay for you to make this face.

And the twisting. Not so sure if she is still thinking this was a good idea.

SHE LOVES THEM! Don't let all these faces fool you. AND she picked out the cross earrings all by herself. I was hinting towards a diamond'ish stud. NOPE. And she takes the cleaning very seriously. Don't even think about touching her ears without washing your hands. She and little brother had words earlier when he attempted. I am proud of you Emaline. I am not just proud of you piercing your ears, but of the responsibility you have shown us over the months. You are truly growing up right before our eyes!

Doing some catch up

2011-07-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

I posted some new blogs from May. Make sure you scroll down, or click on the tab on the right to get to may Posts. I am really behind!

He says the cutest things

2011-07-14T20:56:00.000-07:00

If Bowden likes something he is eating or drinking- he will usually make a slurping sound then say this:

SHURELICIOUS!

Have you eaten anything SHURELICIOUS lately?

So, I have to know...

2011-07-09T14:54:00.001-07:00

Have you been prompted to bless someone this week? Something small. Some little gift or act of kindness?

You can click over to Katherine Marie and see some of her acts of kindness, and see the other ubber creative ideas she has!

Child Like Faith.

2011-07-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

The last few months have been a bit different in our home. After prayer and lots of consideration, we have left Bara Church. It's good. Bara is good. WE are good.

This post is about Parker. Parker's faith has leaped. AND I mean leaped! I am not sure if it really is connected to the leave, but it is worth mentioning. Stacey and I have both mentioned that his faith is so much more mature than ours was at that age. In fact, not sure when I had that kind of faith, but I WILL tell you, I was MUCH OLDER. I think I would be embarrassed if you knew the age I am thinking.

Parker has accepted Christ as his SAVIOR! The story, of course, is amazing. Parker has been asking us about baptism and and having very mature conversation with both of us for a while. Even before we left Bara. Stacey and I would discuss if he was ready. He sure is much younger than we were when we were baptized. I think we worried about it. Stacey met with a few respected men discussing it as well. Conclusion: Parker is an amazing kid, he reads his bible, he says amazing prayers, and let's study this more with him. WE will know when he is ready, he will let us know.

It was May 24th, and our calendars were packed. Things fell apart at the last minute and Parker and I were able to go to a KidSTAND Showcase in Grapevine. Jenny loved KIDSTAND! She volunteered and was the behind the scene Queen. Parker also loves KidSTAND having a crush on the main girlie Ms. Jessie. We got dressed up and headed out in the STORM! We sat behind some friends in the Opry House. Jessie talked to us about what KidSTAND is and what it does. Then, they stopped the show. A STORM WAS COMING. In fact, a tornado. We needed to leave the room and go to a safer room. This happened twice. When we were in our lock down room, the real star of the show took the stage, our sweet Malaya. Jessie got up and talked about Jenny, and then Malaya sang for us. OH HOW SHE SANG!

On the way home, when they finally released us from the room, telling us in which directions we could go safely, Parker was chatty. REALLY CHATTY. Lightning was still all around us, and a few heavy rain drops. Parker started asking me about going to heaven. About Jenny. About Uncle Gregg. I was praying for the right words to tell him. I feel God gave me those words. By the time we got home, honestly, I was exhausted. I knew we were talking deep stuff. I was trying to choose my words so carefully, and I kept asking myself WHY is Stacey not here!!!??? God had given me the right words. He asked when he would know when it is time to accept Christ. LUCKILY, we had just driven in the drive away. We gave Stacey the low down, our conversation, all of it. How beautifully Malaya sang, how we really missed Ms. Jenny, and how he would really like to meet Uncle Gregg. How he loved Jesus and wants to go to heaven and wants to be a soldier. We decided we would push the studying up a notch. Parker went to get ready for bed. He was gone for a while. He walked into the kitchen and asked us: Do you guys know where I have been? What took me so long?- Of course we didn't. His response.- I prayed Jesus into my heart. I believe HE is the son of God.

I think for us, life stood still. My sweet 7 year old had done it, all by himself. He knew.

Since then, we have continued to study and were given a great book for us to read with him and he keeps asking when we can organize his baptism.

All of that brings us to today.

First, let's go to last year. Last year we were following and praying for a boy named Skyler. His mom asked us, for HER birthday to do random acts of kindness and comment on their facebook page. I read through what some of the people were doing and it was amazing and creative what these people were doing. So, last July 4th, Stacey and I stood in the Walmart check out line, I grabbed a gift card from the aisle, the cashier scanned it, and as we were leaving our check out, we gifted that card to our cashier. She told us she couldn't accept it, it was a gift card to Chili's, but we insisted and I think we actually ran out of the store. That is what the people on Skyler's facebook page did, so we did it. We didn't tell anyone what we did. We agreed. Fast forward. This morning, the whole family walked into Wal-Mart. I grabbed Parker's hand, and we walked together into the store. I told him we were going to bless someone today. I told him what we did last year, and that we wanted to do it this year. I asked him to pray for someone, the right person for us to bless. As we held hands and walked down the main aisle, Stacey pushing the other 2 kids in the cart behind us, he says: Mom, I want to help someone riding in one of those cars. (We had just passed a woman, a bit heavy, bald- as if going through chemo, riding on one of those electric carts). My response: no babe, we are going to bless a cashier, you know the ladies who check us out every Monday, that had to work on July 4th, we are going to bless them. He told me that he had prayed about it!

WELL, we get to check out, same thing. He picked out a gift card, this time to Pizza Hut. Our cashier rang up all our groceries, and as she handed me the receipt, we handed her the GC. ONLY this time, she wasn't, and I mean WASN'T taking it. She kept telling us she COULD NOT take it. Chasing us giving us back the card. Our get away wasn't quick enough with the kids. Oops. She said it was policy. Stink. I was frustrated. Parker and Emaline kept asking who we were going to give it to now. We walked out of the store, holding our Pizza Hut gift card. WHO? As we walked a LONG way to get to our car, because we exited the wrong set of doors the farthest away from our car, I saw her. The person who was suppose to receive the card. She was in a pink shirt. She was a bit heavy. She was bald. She was driving a motorized cart. She was parked in the handicap spot and had assistance from Wal-Mart with her groceries. She was the person Parker picked out from the very beginning. I told him, there she is! I told him and Stacey to go! Go give it to her. They kind of took off quickly to give it to her. Me and the other 2 watched from a distance as Stacey and Parker blessed this woman. I heard Stacey use the words- My son wanted to give you this gift. I saw her stand in amazement. I think you could have blown her over! She just stared at him. Like I said, we watched from a few car lengths away. 4- 20 somethings walked by, they looked like young marrieds, ready to cook out for the 4th. You could tell, as they walked by me that they heard what was going on, but kept walking with their groceries. Parker, Stacey, and the lady talked some more, but I had a curious 5 year old in my cart who spoke up and said- WELL, I want to meet her! So we marched over and shook her hand. As we walked away, Stacey's words were- DIVINE APPOINTMENT! The lady told Parker that her son died when he was 18 and that what Parker did was amazing. It touched her. We told her that Jesus loved her, and walked away.

As we walked to our car, a man from the young couples was returning his cart and looked right at Parker and said: I saw what you did, and I want to shake your hand. (my heart was melting)

I am sure you see this, right? Here I was, thinking we were going to walk in, buy a GC and bless a cashier just like last year. BUT, this time, I asked my 7 year old to pray for who we were to bless. He did, he told me who to, but I DID NOT LISTEN! Our cashier even REFUSED THE GIFT! Part of God's plan, and then there she was- the person who was suppose to receive the gift all along, our lady in the pink shirt. Thank you Lord Jesus. We made her day. As we drove our car away, we passed the lady in the pink shirt. She was sitting in her car. She was sobbing. Wiping away tears. She felt Jesus' love today, through my son.

You may be thinking Parker is too young to make such an important decision, but I am sorry, HE GETS IT! I need to move my agenda out of the way, and be a better listener to God, his plan. My guy is going to move mountains.

I've thought most of the day about that young guy, the guy who shook Parker's hand. Do you think he did something awesome today for someone else? I think he did. IF HE DIDN'T, I bet he does soon. We have also discussed the lady in the pink shirt, whose hair was starting to grow back in and was sparse and spiky, we discussed who she was going to invite to go eat with her, we hope she takes someone and tells them that a little boy blessed her with the love of Jesus.

Can I get an AMEN?

I did it!

2011-07-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

I finally paid google SO I can start posting photos again! Sorry about that, my few and faithful readers!

I have lots to catch up on too! Stay tuned!

Emaline's prayer

2011-06-19T20:54:00.000-07:00

As a family, we sit around our hexagon yellow table to eat dinner. Before we eat, we take turns praying. Bowden usually prays each night because he wants to. If we choose someone else to pray, he always says, and me? And you, and you, and you and you. Every night. This is just routine. His prayer:

"Tank yousor dis day, tank you for da cows, for Oakley (Ladewig's dog), tank you for baseball, tank you for sheeesus (Jesus). AMEN."

Parker's prayers have grown so much over the past year as he has grown in his faith. He usually prays for people in wheelchairs to get out of wheelchairs, for sick people to get well, and for each one of his family members. He has really been praying some heart felt prayers that make my heart jump for joy! JOY!

Tonight, I picked Emaline to pray. I was ready for her prayer for her brother, and brother, and mommy and daddy. For our food, and for Jesus. That isn't what we heard. I hope I can put this into her words so that I won't forget.

Dear God, thank you for my family. Thank you for Jesus who died on the cross and did what no one else could do. Not mommy, not daddy, not me, not Parker, and not Bowden. Only Jesus could die on the cross for our sins. Thank you that mommy got to cook our food. Help grandmommy get to feeling better. Amen.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!? She is 5! Praise Jesus! I think in the middle of her prayer I looked up to just look at her. When she was done, Stacey and I just looked at each other. Where did that come from? Her heart. Thank you Lord Jesus for moving in my children!

Photography Giveaway!

2011-05-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

Did you know that over on the P3 BLOG you can enter a photoshoot with your beautiful GIRLFRIENDS??

WELL YOU CAN!

JUMP ON OVER AND ENTER!!!

You can enter once a day and LOVE P3 on FACEBOOK! You spread the love and you can enter twice a day!!!!

Thomas the Train

2011-05-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

Lauren told me about Thomas the Train coming to the Nokia theater and that the boys would love it! SO, we got tickets and off we went. Getting there was the easy part!

Leaving was miserable! Little did we know we would be stuck on 30W with about 200 million other cars. The thing we didn't know is that a local radio station had postponed their Cinco De Mayo celebration, and we were STUCK in the middle of all the traffic. It horrific! WE SAT STILL FOR 1 HOUR! We only needed to go 1 mile. 1 MILE! It took us 2 hours to go 1 MILE! We saw people getting out of the car and taking care of bathroom emergencies on the side of the road. Thankfully we didn't have to do that.. and the boys didn't have to do it. I did miss Parker's first indoor soccer game though. I made him a video of all the traffic we were sitting in and sent it to Stacey so he could see we weren't just out partying with Thomas! WE WERE STUCK!

End of Preschool

2011-05-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

Today was the end of the 2010-2011 preschool year. WE MADE IT! It was a bit sad knowing it was E's last year, but I am very excited to see how she blooms in kindergarten next year. Bowden, well, he is Bowden and will be joining me again next year. I should be praying for his teachers.

I love my preschool. I love the women who work there. I love that I work with friends.

Love. Love brings me JOY! AND that is my word. JOY!

Emaline

2011-05-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

Oh sweet Emaline... maybe this is second child syndrome, or only girl complex, or maybe because we are paying for Stacey's raising (HA), but this girl challenges me. CHALLENGES ME!

I do want to document one of her E'isms from yesterday.

We were taking communion... and I should say we were at a church that we don't usually attend. At our church the children aren't in the worship when we take communion, so she was seeing something she doesn't see often.

I take of the bread when she tells me she wants some, no please, no may I, but I want some. I quietly tell her..... no Emaline, you will need to wait until you are baptized.

Her reply::::::

MOM! I have jumped in water before!

straight face. her's not mine. Mine, smiling from ear to ear, stroking her hair.

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

The night before Mother's Day, we let all the kids sleep together. I walked in around 11:00 and this is what I found. Then we moved them around to hopefully allow them to sleep a bit better without cramps!

Last day of Preschool 2010-2011

2011-05-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

We had a great year this year at school. Here is my little ladybug! Not so little anymore!

Check out his curls!
Sibling love!
NO! She can't be this old! She will be in Kinder next year! Say it ain't so!
Parker made bread this day at big school. He brought it home and couldn't wait to spread the love, I mean butter all over it!

And, Ms. E. A crash after a long day.

Just some mobile uploads!

2011-05-06T19:57:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to do some catch up, if you can't tell. I found these photos that I thought I would bless you with.
Emaline is my child who fights naps. FIGHTS! I'm not tired. I'm not tired. THEN, she crashes. Here we are after leaving Steak and Shake in Arlington on our way home. CRASH!
Lunch with daddy!

This is one of Stacey's favorites! Salmon Croquettes. I don't remember why he wasn't going to be home for dinner, but he wasn't, so I found it fitting to stick to my menu and cook them anyway. I took a photo and emailed it to him as a reminder of my menu. He ate them when he got home. I am not usually that cruel and it was so long ago I don't remember why I was so mean!

Ranger Game!

2011-05-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

ThiTWe went to a Ranger's game in May, it was even a school night!

Bowden likes to imitate Josh Hamilton's slide where he hurt his shoulder. It is soooo cute!

Easter 2011 Preschool

2011-05-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

It was a rainy day on preschool Easter. The kids were very excited.

He was so excited he didn't even notice I was in the room!

He loved his jello jelly beans. They were very cute and a great idea. He is telling me to wait so he can finish.

Watch out Easter eggs, he means business.

He loved hunting eggs.

Now this precious sweet little big girl... (OH, don't worry, we haven't done any piercing, those are stickers.)

She meant business too! Her eggs were numbered so it was a bit more challenging, but she didn't get frustrated at all.

I just love her.

Royal Wedding

2011-04-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't get into all they Royal hype, BUT I do love a good love story and a pretty wedding. Due to ATT, my DVR'd version of the wedding wasn't worth watching, so I caught a highlights show on the BBC. I loved it because it was JUST the highlights but the whole wedding and some background. What I came away with... William and Harry LOOK like they are the best of friends. What they have endured in their life has brought them together and you can see it. Seeing them walk down the aisle together reminded me of Diana's funeral, and remembering how hard their life would be. They look PROUD of each other. I also LOVED the way that Harry turned to see the bride and shared words with his brother about her. How come William couldn't watch her walk down the aisle???? Crazy. I loved Harry's smile though.

The kiss. I loved it, TWICE! You could try to read his lips and see him ask her if again, and her very subtle nod. She is a beautiful lady. Her dress was simple yet stunning. Her bouquet the same.

My prince is out on a bike ride. I think I will go make royal waffles for him on his return....

2011-04-21T19:21:00.000-07:00

And you know.... those aren't the only super powers here!

Rock and Roll Half Marathon

2011-04-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I finished another half marathon. I didn't do it alone! I had many 'at home' cheerleaders praying for me! I had a few heavenly ones too! I even had a few on the sidelines of the race doing some cheering, but I never saw them! BOO.

Saturday, we headed to the EXPO to pick up our pac

kets.

They boys getting their gait checked on their stride.
INTRODUCING... the running crew!

Here is the clan. Photographer of the day... Kelli! It was suppose to be a nice warm day. It turned out rather chili which, probably worked out great, but it wasn't fun planning what to wear!

Well, here we are at the start. We start together, but this girl is like a cheetah! She is off. She is so dedicated with her running and training... and rocked this race. For me.. well, I finished!

Kelli was off to go capture the run with the camera, however, ask her what happened... it's kind of funny now, but wasn't at the time I'm sure! I didn't see her again until the finish. I had a good race. I stopped twice to use the restroom, and walked a bit when I needed to. There was a moment when I was 'in my head' too much and got very emotional. I looked up through the towering Highland Park trees to see some birds, LOTS of birds. Flying in AMAZING formation. I did take this picture, but last weekend, the only other time I have ever seen such a sight. During the race, it just reminded me that God is forever in control of my life. I choose to follow Him. He has given me everything I need. Period. I do miss my friend. I do not like some of the battles I am fighting right now or decisions I am having to make, but HE will use it all to bring Him glory!

I also missed my sister! They waited for 2 hours to see one of us, and none of us connected! The Dallas Morning News man, who took that photo, waited with her for awhile, also hoping to capture of a moment of the 2 of us. Fail. I was just thrilled they tried to come see us!

Stacey did come back and ran with me to finish. I just love him! He took this photo with my phone, moments after we crossed.

After party!

Oh, did I say after party? Brett Michaels was the entertainment after the race. I now have taught my children to sing.... 'talk dirty to me'. Nice. I recorded a bit of it on my phone and have played it for them.. now they sing it... I won't be winning any mother of the year award. All these years of KLTY 24/7, one 20 second snip of 'Talk dirty to me" and I have ruined them! That's all they sing, just that little part... over and over. I WILL get a call from the principal.

YEAH! SO proud of this team!
See the Razor? Yeah, just ask her.

This is Kelly. She is a new friend I have made through Running for Jenny! She trained, with her daughter too, for the half and ran it the day after her birthday. SO COOL!
And she trained with her sister. I've known Becky since college. These 2 girls are amazing and I am blessed to know them! So proud of their accomplishments, and can't wait to see what they do next.

My 2 favorite guys!

It's a growing!

2011-04-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, our garden is in progress! This strawberry plant has stayed green all winter, even with all of our snow... and it is the first to produce!

SO FAR, we have 5 tomato, 3 strawberry plants, 2 cucumber plants, a sprite plant and TODAY we bought onions, zucchini, cantelope, watermelon, another kind of tomato, and many herbs. I am still waiting on my peas and green beans. This year we are NOT growing Okra or corn. The Okra did amazing last year, but my family doesn't eat the okra, so we wasted so much. The corn never did produce. This year we are using our space wisely and only planting what we will eat! I'll keep you posted!

Warm days

2011-04-06T14:33:00.000-07:00

It's been warm, so we have been outside a lot! I love these kids! I dislike this wind! Dislike this wind!

Living the dream

2011-04-06T14:25:00.001-07:00

Today I had to remind myself that I am living my dream! LIVING MY DREAM PEOPLE!

I had to remind my self of this because my attitude hasn't been great lately about... the laundry, the schedules, the cooking, the homework, the practices, the games, the night time reading...... and they are only 7, 5, and 2!

Poor.

Today God reminded me... this was/is my dream! To be a mommy! The Lord continues to provide for our family, so that I can remain home with my children! This was my dream! To be a stay at home mommy. WHY AM I COMPLAINING?

Now that my attitude is in check, I'm off to play soccer or to listen to my daughter sing her heart out to Christian songs on her mini mp3 player! I love my job!

Shoes

2011-03-23T12:35:00.001-07:00

You may have noticed in my blog header that I have some new shoes, or you may have just flat wondered why I put pictures of shoes on my blog header. These are my new shoes I got for my birthday to replace my old shoes (also pictured on blog header) that I got LAST year on my birthday that started this whole running thing for Jenny. Aren't they cool? I LOVE THEM! They are so comfy. Stacey took me to Luke's Locker in the midst of a huge ice storm for me to be fitted for new running shoes because that is what I wanted. I need to give a HUGE shout out to Luke's in Fort Worth for staying open for us! We were in so much traffic getting down there with all the ice that Stacey kept calling them, and they kept saying... come on, just knock on the door and we will open up for you! HOW COOL IS THAT!? That is very small town to me. That is something my dad would have do for his costumers and I like that. Stacey went back on his birthday and got the same shoe in them men's version. Different color of course!

This weekend is a big weekend. I picked this weekend to bookend my half running career. It is a bit over 1 year since I started my running journey for Jenny and I wanted to finish with a half. My goal was to do more half marathons, but I'll be real, this is my last one for a while. I just don't have the time, or I don't make the time to run the way I NEED TO to train properly for this type of running. I am going to finish this race on Sunday with my head held high knowing I have now finished 2 half marathons. If you aren't busy on Sunday, come cheer us on at the Rock and Roll in Dallas! Hold up a sign for Jenny!

From now on, I will be running 5k's and 10k's. The Gregg Pearson Foundation will also be putting on a RUN for Jenny in October. More details to come....

Isaiah's 3rd birthday

2011-03-13T14:35:00.001-07:00

We had a blast at my nephew's birthday party! Lauren did a great job planning it out and finding a great venue! She held it at Addison's fire department. The firemen were so excited we were there and went BEYOND the call to make the kids experience fun.LIKE, rides on this fun thing that they use at Octoberfest and Taste of Addison.

Lauren incorporated the firetruck Thomas the train into the theme.

B took this very serious.

I love how I caught the water coming out of the hose.
Happy birthday Isaiah!

SOCCER SEASON IS HERE!

2011-03-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

We have been counting down the days until soccer season started. We love SOCCER SEASON!

I love her face in the above picture. It was right after she scored a goal. This girl is a scoring fool! She loves to score. She usually sets a goal of how many she wants to score and she has been 1 short of that goal. HER GOAL: 6! So, the past 2 games, she has scored 5 goals! Oh, I should tell you, there are no goalies, although... this past game the other team had one girl hang back to play defense.
She also likes to cheer on her brother!

Parker plays on a larger field and a goalie. They also have positions. He loves to play defender, but gets the opportunity to play all positions, he also played goalie this past game. He has scored a goal but has had some MAJOR defensive plays. I love to watch him play soccer.

Bowden is SOOO ready to play and have his turn on the field. I mean he IS ready!!!!

Parker's 7th Birthday

2011-03-02T14:50:00.000-08:00

That was hard the type.. the title. My sweet boy turned 7 on the 18th of February! 7 years old! OUCH! He is so cool.He was super thrilled because Stacey was WA

TCH DOG for his school on his birthday. SO, that meant he got a super cool lunch treat- Whataburger!

He also got to pick out a treat to bring to his class. He chose St. Patrick's Day cookies. No biggie.Bowden just made himself at home at a desk. He fit right in since he thinks he is 6 anyway. That night we celebrated with Snuffers, and I took him to Target to use his birthday money for something. He chose a new DS game and an OCEAN dvd series. I think that there are 10 cd's.

He loves them, and so do I . While watching the movie, he said, " Mom, isn't God amazing!" Yes, he is son. He made YOU!

We celebrated the next day with SKATING!

For Christmas, we had a little incident with a snuggie, Parker was going to get one, but then he didn't get one. Long story. SO, Emaline got him one for his birthday. He was thrilled. Can you tell?

I love you Parker Gregg Pearson!

February 25, 2010 Thursday

2011-02-25T14:01:00.000-08:00

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I think I was just exhausted.

It was the day of the visitation. I was overwhelmed with all the people that came to the visitation. The line was out the door. I saw some old friends, even a friend I went to high school with who worships at Jenny's dad's congregation. Small world. My sister and mom even came to visitation. Lauren and Jenny had a very sweet relationship. Jenny and I would even drive to Dallas every few months just to let Lauren cut our hair. I thought it was sweet they came. I also had to find something to wear to the funeral. I walked into the Loft, my favorite store, looked around for a bit, then a girl asked if she could help me. I told her I needed a dress, a dark one, that I was a pallbearer for my best friend's funeral. They helped me find a perfect dress. Then the funeral home told me I needed to wear flat shoes so that I wouldn't sink into the ground at graveside. Not a problem. I have flat boots, too!

7:52 am Angela: Praying for everyone today. u can do this Paige

Me: Oh, I need them dear friend. You gonna watch online?

8:51 Angie: There will be a day with no more tears. Today will be hard for you just know I love you and thinking of you.

Me: Oh thank you so much! I love you Angie Merriman

9:08 Jami: Praying for strength for you today. I so long to be there. Love you friend.

Me: I know. I love you!

9:46 Stacey: We need to leave by 11. Cool?

Yes. U on ur way back? Stop and get milk.

10:40 Amy: We are having an AMAZING time. Thinking of u today. You need a trip to disney after the last several weeks. Praying for u today. I know it will be a tough day.

Of course we took some photos before we left. We have 2 sky light/windows in our living room, and at photo time, it was like a spot light coming down from heaven.

11:11 Me to Jessie: We love you so much Jessie Bebbe! You are going to do amazing today. Absoultely amazing! Jen Jen will be so proud of your strength!

Jessie: Love you too! Please pray for strength and that I will say the words that will honor Jen Jen and especially Jesus! I love yall tons!

Me: ON IT!

11:14 me to Julie: Jenny's burial will be in decatur 2 day. Stp's aunt dee will be at my house about 3 so u can take b there after school if you would like or after u love on him.

Julie: We will take him home with us for a while. The kids are excited to have him over and so am i of course. I'm thinking of you all. Don't worry at all about our little man. We will give him lots of love.

I wish that I could find the video of Emaline and Parker singing Mighty to Save on the way to the funeral. WOW! It was amazing.

We let Parker and Emaline go the children's funeral. Parker was having a very hard time. Oh how he and Ms. Jenny loved each other. Just the anticipation of the service was getting to him. They asked all parents to leave, the room was packed. My mom stayed in there because like I said, Parker wasn't handling it well... until Mr. David came to talk to him. I did have my camera on me and i just couldn't resist this photo. So, let me share it.

How tender. He understood Parker's pain. We all felt it. He seemed to comfort Parker just the way he needed. You can see Stacey in the background trying to hold back his emotion from this embrace. It was heart breaking. I love you Parker.

Before the funeral... the kids were with my mom, and Aunt Dee was coming to get them and take to eat at McDonalds and take them home since we were going to be gone the rest of the day. I sat on the very last row in the sanctuary. Just praying. A sweet old friend happen to walk in and see me. I still remember how she said my name. It was very sweet. She gave me a great hug. I always remember her voice when I think back on that day.

The funeral. It was the Holy Spirit. It was amazing. Just the way that Jenny would have wanted it. Her brothers did an amazing job. Amazing. Did you kneel? I bet you did. I would love to hear how you watched the funeral, were you there? Did you watch online? How did the Lord speak to you through it?

2:31 Kimberly Blake: Over 2000 people were watching online. It was a wonderful service. Your friend was amazing! The Glory of God has definitely been shown. Love yall!

2:35 pm Me to david: I need to know your exact name on drivers license and your birthday.

You may be wondering why I am asking this question... did you know that a very generous family sent David and Malaya on a Disney cruise during spring break??? AND THEN some other generous people sent Rick and Beverly along with them??? I was needing to get all the info for the trip to be booked. I think this was the last day it could be booked... or something like that. So I do have a few texts asking info and birth dates.

3:47 pm Amy: I just read through some FB posts about Jenny's service. I so wish I could have been there. Is there a way for me to see it when I get home? Thought about u all day. What a blessed life cut way too short. Love you.

One of the other pallbearers rode with us, Melanie. We followed the hearse. The hearse got lost. We were laughing in our car, it sure did lighten the mood. We discussed how Jenny was probably laughing her head off that the hearse with her body was lost trying to get to the cemetery. They were using their iphones as GPS and something was wrong. We got a tour of Decatur. We had about 10 cars behind us... it was funny. THEN, when we finally get going the right way, the dude driving was booking it. On the road to the cemetery there is a 'bump' of sorts. Use your imagination what a hearse looks like when it hits a bump and it is going to fast. We were laughing. I could hear Jenny's giggle the whole time.

3:53 Stephanie : R u behind the hearse?

Me: yes. R u?

4:07 Stephanie: R u stopped

Me: YEAH! The hearse is LOST

Stephanie: o my

Me: yep

We got to the cemetery, and took our places. It was cold. I remember how heavy her coffin was. Jessie had on high heels and she was sinking like crazy into the soil. We carried her. I remember my heart that day. I kept repeating to myself in my heart.. I got you. I have to share this because I don't want to forget it. I cannot recall who said it, so I do want to write it. Someone said that when they saw me carrying Jenny, that I wasn't straining at all and that they knew that I would have carried my friend anywhere. So true. So true.

I had another person that I dearly respect, grab me by the shoulders and offer some truth to me. That they had seen me spiritually grow over the past few weeks and when they looked at me during the funeral they saw the holy spirit. Oh how I wish I was there now. When I shared that with another friend, she spoke truth too! She said: They saw the holy spirit because we ALL were praying for you to be filled with it! Isn't that amazing!! The power of prayer! Please hear my heart when sharing these personal comments. I am not bragging. I am not being boastful. I want you to know that it wasn't me and I wasn't the only person who noticed!

5:10 Julie: Thank you for letting us love on your sweet boy! I just dropped him off at your house. Please let me know if you need anything. Love you all.

Me: Thank you so much Julie. Just leaving graveside

We went to eat with the family after the funeral at Rick and Beverly's church.

6:38 Kimberly H: 13 Envelopes in my mailbox today- $435

Kimberly had sent an email out to Kojies on facebook asking for money for an arrangement and as a gift to David and Malaya.

7:12 Jodi: I LOVE YOU... Sorry didn't get to say goodbye to u today... I LOVE YOU

8:39 Amy: How are you doing today? It sounds like the service was mazing. I am sure you are emotionally and physically exhausted. How is sweet Malaya holding up? My heart is hurting for her and David.

9:37 me to Jami: Could feel your presence today.

Jami: Girl- I was so there in spirit! I shut the door to my office and just worshipped!!!! And cried... How are you? Exhausted? OH and laughed. Josh did so good.

I remember typing this peptalk.

Pep Talk

Sweet girl. Absolutely beautiful! My eyes are still salty from today. I even did the whole ugly cry today, but not because I was sad for you, I AM NOT, I am just sad for me, for David, your parents, and especially your Malaya and all your other friends. The LORD GOD ALMIGHTY will take care of me, and you are watching out for me now too! I can't wait to document the car ride I had with Melanie behind the hearse! We needed those laughs today. The 3 girl pawlbearers were awesome! Jessie wore her heels, so she almost sunk down to the core of the earth, but we loved honoring you. OH, the put MRS. STACEY PEARSON in the program for Stacey. Lots of laughs on that one. I love you friend forever and always!

Thank you for following this journey with me. I know I have a few more things I want to share about this time last year... some great things that happened. Thank you all for the emails, facebook messages, and comments. I truly treasure each one!

February 23, 2010, Tuesday

2011-02-23T07:09:00.000-08:00

The story doesn't stop there...

8:38 Me to Michelle L: Stacey is bringing kids to school. He should be there around 8:45

Michelle: See him then

8:39 am Jessie: How r u? I just don't even know what to do. I got up and got the girls off to school but it feels like I am a zombie in disbelief. I'm praying for u and Stacey

Me: I am praying for you Jessie> I am hysterical one moment and praising HIM in this storm I don't understand the next. I miss her so. Parker did NOT do well

Jessie: Sweet Parker. Maybe we can go to lunch in a couple of weeks and I can love on him a little. My girls did okay. I don't think they can quite digest it.

( You readers need to know that Parker has had a CRUSH on Ms. Jessie for years! She is a complete rock star in his eyes)

9:04 am Jami: Hope you were able to get a little rest last night. Thinking about u. Praying for peace for your day. Love you

9:29 Kimberly H: Thinking of you, hope you are okay.

10:37 Stacey: How are you doing?

10:42 Linda: How are you making it today?

10:58 Stephanie: How r u 2 day? How did it go last night?

11:24 Julie: You are on my mind. I love you friend!

11:30 mom: Call when u have a moment

1:16 Jodi: Do u get the feel that service will be thurs? I'm still in town but trying to make a plan of when to go home... BTW, ILY

Me: carepages says thurs., Tentative

2:11 pm David: Would u consider being a pallbearer?

Me: absolutely

2:28 me to Stacey: David asked me if I would be a pallbearer, or if I would consider it

Stacey: me too!

Me: so sweet

David: thanks

3:14 Mindy: I love you and am praying for you! Jenny was just as lucky to have you as you were to have her

3:32 Jessie: Wondering if Jenny wrote out that prayer she said about heaven at her birthday party? If she did it might be with all the things she wrote about all the women. If so that would be beautiful to share. Just an idea.

3:47 Me to David: fell my love?

David: I do. Can u email some pics to Jessie for the video? We are at Richland Hills discussing service.

Me: Oh sweet friend. Do you have what she wrote about heaven from her birthday?

David: Is that the letter she wrote on her birthday to everyone?

Me: I think it should be on her computer

David: I will find it. I will call when I start looking for it

David: Carepages was just updated with info

at 4:34 pm ME TO DAVID AND STACEY

I mile 13:48!!!! I ran 3/4 of it! Here I go Jenny!

4:35 David: :)

4:35 David: Love you girl

4:32 KimQ: Hope u are able to have moments of delight in the midst of days of sorrow! I love u!

Me: I love you! I just ran for Jenny! 1 mile in 13:48! I told her we would run! I begin my journey. Thank you so much Kim. Today has been... better than yesterday.

KimQ: I've been praying for that! That everyone will have a spirit of conquering and not a spirit of defeat!! Jenny may be gone but we still have other blessings to delight in. I am so thrilled for your strength rising up Paige Bowden Pearson! I pray for ur moments of grief to bring u closer to a God who lost His Son 4 us. May we press into his Holy presence receiving His Holy blessings! So on with your bad self girlie!!! I am proud of you!

9:21 pm me to Kelli: Are you guys coming to visitation? I'm trying to find someone to watch my kids. Didn't know if you planned on coming to both funeral and visitation

Kelli: I can watch the kids what time do u want to bring them?

Me: First off, I hope you had a wonderful time. I can't wait to hear about it! I think around 5. I will bring their pjs. I'll know more when STP gets home.

Kelli: My trip was good. How r you? I'll be home around 2:30 tomorrow.

9:38 me to Krista: You are so sweet!! I am doing okay.. when I am not awake. You get it? I'm dealing. I started running today for jenny

9:39 pm me to AMY: I hope you are having the fun of your life! THinking about you partying with the princesses! Wish I was with you! (BTW, she was at Disney World)

So you see, my running journey started one year ago today! I remember running that .75 and finishing that mile on the treadmill. Watching every number pass waiting for it to hit 1 mile. I also remember falling off the treadmill, reaching for my phone and sending that text to Stacey and David. David has been an incredible cheerleader. We now have 180 participants in Running for Jenny and 314 members on Facebook. I never knew.... but God did! Every step of the way... He has used me to let His light shine... although MY light... doesn't always shine... sometimes it whines, it cries, and it just says NO, not tonight. I still do not like to run. Nope. BUT, I knew/know that if Jenny was still here on this earth, we would be doing this together... yes we would. My prayer is that God can use me to bring Glory to himself... As I sat at the cemetery yesterday all by myself... I realized I am NOT alone. He used my bible study to tell me about my troubles.. that I am being refined, not defined by these troubles. I am doing a study by Jennifer Rothschild. I bought it soon after Jenny died and am still not all the way through it. I did a Beth Moore study this summer, but have continued to be drawn to this one. This is what my study said yesterday (GOD IS GOOD)!

"God works through the difficult situations in our lives to discipline, nurture, and instruct us. Sometimes God is most merciful when He allows us to experience the pressures and pain of heartache because it disciplines, instructs, and nurtures us. I'm thankful God doesn't remove His hand from the clay of my life too soon, leaving me misshapen. I'm thankful He is nurturing me through patient teaching. I'm thankful He carefully positions me near His refining fire until I begin to reflect His glory."

Isn't God good?? This was the reading as I sat on the bench on her gravesite! This scripture was also in the reading

" We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed" 2 corinthians 4:8-9

Jennifer says: "When we live by faith, we are not destroyed. Endure... persevere.... stand firm... stand your ground. These words are proactive, don't give up kinds of words! They are the very pictures of faithfulness. Don't throw in the towel or faint. Crawl if you have to. Remain faithful, for a reward beyond imagination awaits you. God promises: Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him (Jas. 1:12)" That is Jenny! She received the crown of life!!

Now, I am to persevere! To reflect His glory! To lean on Him, read His word, pray.

The next part of the study is titled: Canvas for His Glory. I can't wait to start it. God's timing is perfect. Sorry for my ramble... Kind of got carried away.

I can't wait to share other things I heard yesterday during my time with the Lord. It was good. Now, go RUN, or join Running for Jenny. Would love to have you on this journey!

February 22, 2010 Monday

2011-02-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

Oh this day... I've dreaded it since I started this blog series. I have read it, I have edited it, I have added to it, I've taken away... Please read it lovingly. Know our hearts behind each text, and remember that our worlds were crashing around us, but the Lord stood tall. Undefeated! We stood our ground circled around Jenny's bed declaring we would NOT serve another.....

Monday:

My mom spoiled me on Monday's. She would come over early every Monday morning and watch the kids for me to do carpool, grocery shopping, and any other errands so I could do them alone. During Jenny's stay at the hospital, she helped out a bunch for me to go to the hospital, along with many friends. This Monday morning, mom was sick, so I chose to abort my plans of grocery and errands and would be staying home and shop later.

8:05 am Me to Jenn Ross: If you would like to bring your kids over today to play so u can go to the hospital, Emaline and Bowden would love it.

Jenn brings her kids over so she can go up to the hospital alone. We play, do a photoshoot (of course), and have a great time.

10:26 Julie: I am praying for sweet Jenny and I'm praying for you. I am here for you friend.

Me: Thank you

11:17 Wade S.: I've been asked if Malaya needs anything- rides to school, weekend activities etc. Let me know

Me: She's been going to J' aunts on the weekends in Mesquite. I will check and see what I can find out. That is so nice. Malaya has been staying at her house with aunt now.

11:51 Stephanie: Any news? What do u want 2 do 2nite?

11:55 me to Jenn: We r eating lunch take ur time

But, Jenn was almost to my house already. When she got here she had a great idea that after she got Malaya from school, and Parker was home, we could all go Chuck E Cheese with David. Love the idea. As they drove away.... I had an idea and text this:

12:19 pm: Another idea is JUMP4FUN, an inflatable place right by hospital behind QT on 1709. 2 and under kids are free and parents jump for free. They have an area for Jocelyn.

At the same time, and I mean the same time I receive a text from David at 12:20 saying :GREAT, He also called me. I thought he was wanting to discuss our activity.... oh how I wish. I could hear it in his voice....

Me: Hey

david: they just took Jenny down for an emergency CAT scan, she may not make it.

me: WHAT

David: I don't know....

Me: Okay. okay... I love you.. bye

( You may think to your self how I remember what he said to me... I had written a blog but never published it a month after she died. I still am choosing to write on here things I feel appropriate, but tell the story, leaving out some personal information).

12:21 to girls:Pray right now! Taking Jenny for emergency CAT SCAN PRAYYY!!!!

I remember crying in my kitchen. I remember screaming while texting the above standing next to my kitchen table....

I got into motion. I called my neighbor Sabrina and asked if she could watch Emaline and Bowden, that I needed to get to the hospital. I remember grabbing the kids and running next door, and I mean running. I told her I left the back door open if she needed anything. I kept trying to call Stacey, I knew he had gone to work out during his lunch break so I couldn't reach him. I remember grabbing a hat, running through my house screaming, begging the Lord. I started receiving texts:

Jami: Ok!! Let me know

Kimberly H: Already doing it!

Stephanie: I am

12:24 Carepages

So far it has been a somewhat quiet night and morning. Not much has changed since the last update. Doctors are coming in and out and we are waiting to hear from them. The seizures have continued although the duration of them is shorter.

Please continue to pray for the same things requested last night:
1. We pray for the lesions on the brain to shrink.
2. That Jenny responds to the antibiotics the doctors are giving her.
3. For the doctors to have clarity (or the God just do it for them and leave everyone with their job on the ground!)

Thanks for joining us in this!

I remember driving to the hospital... screaming on the silly loop around on 114 by Academy, calling out Satan. Next think I remember is stepping off of the elevator and receiving this text

12:46 David: She made it back to her room. We do not know anything

I quickly walked into the ICU waiting room, where I only recognized one person (ODD) although there were many there. I looked at Kim Q, and tried to show her my phone, the message from David, when another girl said:

are you Paige? go on back. Later I met this friend of Jenny's, Melanie.

You need to know that I tried to always respect the Biz/Ross families. I only went back when David, or Bev said it was okay or told me to. I walked really quick to the hand sanitizer, hit the open door thing with my sleeve pulled over my hand. I always did that. Passed Rick getting on his phone walking through ICU. David and Bev were waiting outside her room and the curtain was drawn. David saw me and said: Girl, it didn't take you long. NOPE.

1:09 Carepages

Jenny's blood pressure and heart rate dropped significantly just a few minutes ago. They immediately gave her a shot that helped her out. They are sending her downstairs for another CT scan.

1:34 Angie: how is she

Me: this is NOT good, NOT good.

Angie: SHE IS STILL FIGHTING WE ARE FIGHTING FOR HER

The next hour is pretty much a blur, but so clear. Some of it, I want to keep private. I will treasure in my heart for ever. I heard the heart doctor telling Beverly what he read on the CAT scan, but that he wasn't the brain doctor. I heard Beverly ask about hope....

I went back out to the waiting room after talking to Jenny.

Finally got a hold of Stacey. He was on his way.

Stacey got there and went straight back to see David after I told him to go.

More family began to arrive.

I called Jessie.

Jessie got there.

I got to be involved in some extremely tender and raw moments with her family.

1:54 to the girls: Please pray for a miracle, please pray for a miracle for an absolute miracle

Of course after sending this out I got many texts saying they were praying and what did the CAT scan show....

One of my texts to a friend: The absess has grown. Waiting on brain doctor to see if they can do anything. Thinking braindead. (OH how that is so hard to type)

2:03 Kelli L.: what is happening??? we are all praying

I text Kelli to let her know... her reply: Have no words...

2:04 Me to Sabrina: Things r not good. We r waiting on dr to confirm brain dead. R the kids okay with you for a bit until I can work on something else?

Sabrina: I'm so sorry. Yes they r find here as long as you need me to watch them> Haven't napped.. but I didn't want to force it since they're in a different place

Me: It's okay

Dr. Kalipara (by the way, I know I butcher his name when I spell it, and am okay with it), arrived, which I knew he was NOT to be called because he had been up there all night. So, that scared me. Stacey came out, stood against the wall as the doctors walked back to talk to David, Rick, and Beverly. Stacey shook his head. He came to hold me. I sat. I bent over. I cried. The waiting room was so very quiet. SO VERY QUIET, except for sniffling and crying. As I bent over, others came to talk to Stacey. The family went back again from their little briefing room. Barbie came out and told me to go back.

2:49 Angela: Love you. Wish I had words. I know jenny loves u too!

A sweet friend called.. I sent to voicemail, then sent this:

3:08 me to Jodi B: Things are not good. Sorry I cannot talk. Don't put anything on Fb. Sorry.

Jodi: No sorry. I was just leaving u a msg that I know things are bad. No sorry... Just that I love u and am here if anyone needs anything. Didn't know what else to do but call u. I LUV U! I LUV JBIZ!

3:15 from Kim Q: B is here

We were gathered in her room, and were waiting on Jenny's grandmother to arrive. Jenny called her "b". I stood there, grasping hands with other family and friends and declared:

I WILL NOT TURN AWAY FROM GOD!

3:25 me to Lauren (my sister) and my mom: I just said goodbye to my dear friend. One of the hardest things I have ever done.

Oh the memories from that day.

I came back out and sat next to Melanie (one of Jennys's great friends from Mesquite who now lives out of state). A man came out and let us know that Jenny had gone to heaven.
A lesion on Jenny's brain had herniated, it was close to the brain stem, there was no activity.

Stacey was with David.

3:31 Jami: Heard anything from dr

Me: No brain activity. We said our goodbyes. They r going to take her off.

Jami: I am just sick. It doesn't seem real

3:33 Me to Angie, Kelli, and Stephanie: There is no brain activity. We said our goodbyes. Please wait until carepages to make this public.

4:07 pm I sent this text after David put it on Facebook: Jenny Ross Bizaillion went to heaven at 3:38 pm.

Of course, I received many texts back...

NO!

No words

I love you.

Thank u for letting me know

Oh my dear Lord

Angie: do you need me

Me: oh friend... I can't begin...

Stacey walked me to my car. He asked me if I could drive. I looked right at him and from somewhere inside me this came out: I AM NOT MAD AT GOD.

Which I wasn't. Odd. I think I was still numb. I was present, in the ROOM when my brother in law took his last breath. I was outside the door when my grandfather died. And there I was, in the room moments before my friend took her last breath, and right now, proclaiming that I wasn't mad at GOD. Honestly, I wasn't, and haven't been. Not mad. I may not understand it to the fullest extent, but I wasn't mad. Jenny's dream had come true! Her purpose.

4:12 Julie: Oh Paige! I'm so sorry. I'm here for you. What do you need/ I want to call you but I know you have a lot going on. I'm praying for all of you. I'm here for you.

4:12 Jodi B: I'm so terribly sorry. Can I do anything for you?? Do you need icecream? Can I take ur kids to chuckecheese? Just wish thee was something

4:14 Kimberly Holmes: I have no words but I love you and am hurting with you

4:14 Jami: I know from experience there is nothing ANYONE can say that helps

4:16 Kelli L: My heart is breaking. Thanks for letting me know. We r here for u and ur family as u work through this and minister to David and Malaya. I'll be back tomorrow.

4:24 Lane: Let me know if I can do anything for you guys. I will do whatever you need. Love u guys and we are heart broken

4:27 Krista: The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart: devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death Isaiah 57: 1-2. I am at a loss for words, but she was upright and has been spared our fallen world. I love you friend. What do you need? Krista

4:29 Linda: Sweet Jenny. She will be okay now

4:31 Amy: Oh my goodness Paige. I am so sorry. She is no longer in pain and she is in a beautiful peaceful place. I am so sad that I am not there to comfort you. My prayers are now for the family and you. Love you!

4:46 Angie: where are you

Me: At my house. They r bringing Malaya here to tell her so I am cleaning up a bit before they get here.

Angie: I'm headed your way call me

(Of course, I am keeping all of that time private)

4:50 Jaymie: Oh Paige. I am sorry. I love you so much

Linda: Do u need me to pickup kids or bring some food over?

Me: they are bringing Malaya to m house to tell her. P is with carpool girls. P and B are next door at Sabrinas. Everyone is okay now, may need you later

5:05 Carepages (but I think most people found out through Facebook)

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!

Jenny Bizaillion passed from this world at 3:38pm.
She was the most beautiful, wonderful friend, perfect mom, devoted sister, loyal daughter, and best wife a person could ever have.

We will see her again.

5:23 Mom: I love u Paige. Wish I could take the hurt away. Mom

6:15 me to Kimberly B: We are on way to get Parker

Angie: Finished eating in Southlake, how are things at your house?

Me: we are getting Parker to tell him

Angie: do you want us to head your way, or wait

Me: Head on over, if we don't answer we will be next door at Sabrina's

(From the unpublished blog 3/10, by the way, I went back and put all the blog from March green)

We went to get Parker to tell him. He did not handle it well. After he pulled it together, he said:
Now, I need to tell Emaline. So we let him. We went next door and got her, brought her over and we let him tell her. It was one of those times I hope I never forget. He was so gentle with her.

Our neighbors had ordered a lot of pizza for us. Some close friends stopped by on their way to Austin, another friend stopped by and we just all hung out at Sabrina and Grant's house. Another friend stopped by. and it has just about been that amazing. I can't tell you how the next days messages, facebook posts, emails, and texts meant. I am almost in withdrawl. I got so attached to my phone those few weeks. I need to go through some 5 step program to step away. I have this unusual need to NOT miss anything, a message, an email, a call.

One thing that I want to mention is how cool it was that so many came to know my Jenny. I loved talking about her at dance class, who knew about her, my preschool- oh my preschool! They were so awesome. That could be a post all by itself. The parents of my preschool class were praying, and they didn't know her! THEY DIDN'T KNOW HER! That was so much of the story wasn't it friends? She reached so many!

7:18 Anne: love you and praying for you

Me: thank you Anne

9:06 Kimberly B: I have erased this text 10 times. I just couldn't go without saying how blessed I fell to call you a friend. God knew what he was doing when he placed us down the street from each other. I have been thinking about praying for you always.

Me: You are so sweet. I feel the same. BTW Parker said he wanted to tell camille that Jenny died since she was praying for her. I didn't know if you told her or not, thought that was sweet.

Kimberly: I did. I told her he may be sad and that he may want to talk about it.

Me: He took it so hard Kimberly. My heart breaks for the fact that he got it and had questions we couldn't answer. So grown up. Oh the tears. He wanted to tell E.

Peptalk of the night:

Well friend, you did great. Absolutely great! BOY did you fight, and you fought hard. Your strength has taught so many, and brought so many to their knees. You know the impact you made on earth, and you have a front row seat to see what will come. AND it will be good. I want you to dance, show off those brand new legs ...of yours. Jenny, I am so proud of you. Remember when you told me that just a few weeks ago? I will cherish those words you said to me, "I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!" Thank you, friend. Thank you! Thank you for loving me.

February 21, 2010 Sunday

2011-02-21T12:38:00.000-08:00

Morning Peptalk:

Morning Peptalk, have I done a morning one? It is 1 am. And I just got home from the hospital. I bet you didn't know I could stay away this late! Boy did we have a moment tonight! I know things today didn't go as planned, and I just know everything is going to be great! I know it was a setback, but girl I know our GOD ...is so mighty! He is also big and strong. Had to add those. I need you to get those KIDNEYS KICKING IT into gear! AND THE LIVER needs to LIVEN UP! I am making myself laugh at this hour! I know, I am the only one, but hey, it is late/early depending on how you look at it. BY THE WAY, the new look today is so sassy. Get some rest! LOVE YOU!

10:20 am La: We're getting to get our errands done pretty soon so I'll call you around 1:30

11:20 am Carepages

Jenny continues to have seizures this morning, after having gone quite a while without any. The infectuous disease doctor is changing to an antibiotic that has more success than penicillin at penetrating into the brain. He seemed more hopeful that she might recover than was the neurologist yesterday.

We so long for answers -- especially from YHWH-Rapha.

11:38 am Amy: Is there anything new since last night?

11:45 am Stephanie: I was able to go to the hospital yesterday she was in the mri

Me: good, but bad you didn't get to see her

Stephanie: Me 2

12:14 me to Amy: No. we were there until midnight. She tried to open her eyes for me! And turned her had and moved her shoulder for me! It was great for me! They will learn more on Monday about the brain situation. She did have more seizures this morning. Changing medicine

1:20 pm me to La: Leaving our house in 5

La: ok

I still can't remember what we did, but obviously I was with my sister during this part of the day.

7:45 Carepages:

We trust that God is still involved in this. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. His ways are higher than our ways.
We are so desperate for him to speak a word, because his words do not return to him empty.

This situation is very serious…worse than we could imagine. Lesions (infected abscesses) are all over Jenny’s brain. She is still a very, very sick girl. At the time, the doctors do not know the extent of damage caused.

We are calling for our prayers warriors to beat down the doors of heaven tonight because we are need of a serious Holy Spirit breakthrough.
1) Pray for the lesions to shrink with the new antibiotics.
2) Pray for the seizures to stop.
3) Pray for Jenny to wake up and respond. The reason she isn’t waking up is because of medicine issues, but we need Jenny to respond.
4) Pray that nothing has been affected by the lesions. Pray against long-term affects.
5) Continue to pray for the doctors to have wisdom and discernment because at this point the doctors are forced to think outside the box. Dr. Lester is bringing in more experts tomorrow to decide what the next step is. We need the new doctors to be able to understand this crisis.

Thank you to the 3 winners of ACU’s Sing Song for donating all their earnings to Jenny Bizaillion.

7:59 Me to girls: Jenny's brain covered with lesions. Please pray for a miracle. Read carepages if you have not. Thank you for continually going before Lord Jesus for Jenny

Jami: How are you holding up? Not good I'm sure. Dreamed about you and Jenny all night last night. It involved GH but I don't remember much. I'm just hoping God was interpreting it as a night long prayer. Thinking about you. Praying for you both. Love you! Call if you need to talk.

Me: I'm not real good today. Jami, I just want her well That simple. My prayer all along was that OUR jenny returned to us or a stronger one, but don't touch her SPIRIT! That is what makes me MAD about this brain stuff! Don't mess with Jenny! Satan is wearing us all down! We r tired, on edge, and weary. I still BELIEVE and know that GOD will be glorified! I am just tired of all this BAD news

Jami:I know... such a roller coaster, can't even BEGIN to imagine. I'm praying as fervently as ever. Ready for a miracle. Let me know if there is anything!!!!

8:18 Me to Beverly: Bevvie. I love you. I love your Jenny with my whole body. And with that whole body I ache. That whole body is praying for her and for you.

Bev: I love you!

Peptalk:

JENNY ROSS BIZAILLION! YOU TELL SATAN TO GET OUT OF THIS RIGHT NOW! CALL HIM OUT! I AM! WE ALL ARE! YOU FIGHT SISTER! YOU FIGHT! WE ARE FIGHTING FOR YOU! PRAYING FOR YOU! And my friend, I miss talking with you. I love you.

February 20, 2010 Saturday

2011-02-20T13:28:00.000-08:00

6:58 am Stephanie: Rainey has a thing this morning, so maybe after that, how are u?

7:33 am Me to KimQ: David just text STP Jenny had some seizures last night and going for mri and brainwave tests this morning. This is a set back. Just sending to you KQ . Sending generic to girls...

7:34 am Me to girls: JUST 4 U! Pray for Jenny. Some set backs last night! Pray right now!

Jami: Oh no! I was actually just about to check carepages and facebook. Got up this morning with her first on my mind.

Julie: Praying

9:00 Carepages

Well, so much for the calm of yesterday. We received a call in the early morning hours that Jenny had a grand mal seizure. Since then, she has had another one, as well as a minor seizure. They are attempting to discover the cause of these. It could be a number of things, or a combination of things:
1. It could be related to her high bilirubin count.
2. It could be due to the level of her sedation -- so they are cutting back on that.
3. She is running a fever, which could be the cause.

They are going to do an MRI as soon as possible to see if it shows any problems. Dr. Lester is not expecting it to. Also, a hematologist has been called in to see what can be done about her bilirubin. She is also losing blood somewhere or somehow, but it is not showing up anywhere.

So we are calling on Jenny's prayer warriors to arm yourselves and go to battle once again.

On another note, a few days ago we had requested no visitors. We are now past that point if anyone would like to come by. Josh and his family have returned to Memphis, and Jonathan will be leaving today. So Beverly and David and I will be here at the hospital. If you do come by and there is no one in the waiting room, it will probably be because we are back with Jenny or gone for a bite to eat.

9: 07 am KimQ: Hey girlie whirlie.. praying for ur torn stormy heart! That God will give you the supernatural joy and endurance for u to enjoy the full measure of parker's birthday. Also, save me a piece of cake. I love you and am battling the enemy of Jenny and family and u!

9: 25 am Me to girls: Sure you got carepage info, please read.

10:45 am Stephanie: Well crap! Not where I can get 2 a computer. Still at Rainey's DI thing

Me: she had seizures last night. Going to do MRI and other brain tests.

Stephanie: Come on GOD!

Me: I know it!

11:43 Kayci Ross: Love ya.

Me: Oh Kayci, I am so glad I now have your number! I am so glad I have gotten to know you better over this time. If you need anything...

11:57 Kelli L: WHY LORD??? Questions but will continue my prayer!!! Hope parker is enjoying his ranch party. The girls were excited. Have you been able to speak with Jenny?

Me: The last time I went back in her room was Thursday. She was still out. Great day so far at ranch.

3:48 Kim Q: Lord please stop like u did the storm! She has had 4 seizures now.

5:08 pm me to KimQ: We just got word from David. Heading back.

KimQ: what is the word?

5:25 pm Me to 2 girls: Please pray for Jenny.. Bad news about the seizures. Pray for a miracle. Wait for carepages update to spread. Not sure how they are going to say yet.

5:30 Carepages

We have visited with a number of doctors today. Jenny has had an EEG and a MRI of her brain. It appears that some of the sepsis bacteria had clung to her heart valves, and has now released into her brain. The MRI shows a number of lesions, and the neurologist has not given us the rosiest of prognoses.

So we are asking you to pray for the cleansing power of Jesus to mend and heal Jenny's brain. They have removed her from all of her pain meds so that they can find out how cognitive she is. It may take a while for her to wake up, because her body cannot metabolize the medicines very quickly. The doctors are discussing the best anti-seizure meds right now, as some have adverse affects on the liver and others on the kidneys.

In summary: We are up against the wall. We are desperate for the healing power of our Savior to anoint Jenny's body right now.

5:37 Amy: I have been thinking about you all day. Love you

Me: We went to ranch today for Parker's party and I left my phone inside. When I got back to my phone I had 6 texts and 4 missed calls. Not a good feeling.

Amy: I am glad that P got to have his party. Just read CP. R they taking her off meds to see how she responds? I will pray for a miracle.

5:42 Jessie: Hey, do u know what all that means? What does not having the 'rosiest of prognosis' means?

Me: they will know more tonight

Jessie: K, been up there today?

Me: No we had P's birthday today in Stephenville at the ranch we got news and are heading back.

Jessie: We just got back from our get a way too. I'm so tired of this. I want Jesus to just heal her.

Me: Me too.

5:49 Me to girls: Sepsis on brain! Go to Carepages! If u can't let me know! Pray for our sweet jenny right NOW! Dear almighty Jesus, HEAL HER!

Jami: I have no words.

Julie: Oh Paige!!! I called Amy and she read carepages to me. I'm praying for sweet Jenny and her family. I'm here for you friend!

Angela: Lord cover our friend as only you can understand

8:39 Kim Q: They dedicated the production to Jenny Ross Bizaillion here at Sing Song.

Me: Oh MY WORD! Like the WHOLE production? R ya'll just now at performance

Kim: Kojies and siggies said if they win they r giving the money to Jenny

Me: are you on your way home or at a performance

Kim: Performance galaxy just went

I went to the hospital this night and got to see her for a minute. I stood beside the bed of my friend and was talking to her when she turned her head toward me and tried to open her eyes. My heart jumped. I called it 'our moment'! When I came out of the ICU, there were 2 sweet girls there. One I hadn't seen in a long time, and another, her sister, I had never met. Now, we are FB friends and encourage one another. I'm thankful for this night, for these girls gathering us up and praying for us late in the night. If I close my eyes, I can still her their voices.

11:46 Stacey: She opened her eyes

I didn't give a peptalk this night.

Oh how I miss her....

February 19, 2010, Friday

2011-02-19T19:36:00.000-08:00

9:56 am Angie: (who is at my house) TAKE YOUR TIME, DO NOT RUSH BACK

10:20 am ME to JULIE: Thank you Julie. It has been avery hard week. Very hard. I'm at the hospital now. Hoping my friend had a great night.

Julie: I'm so sorry Paige. Jenny is in my thoughts and prayers constantly and so are you friend. I'm here if you need anything.

Candace: Don't feel like you have to respond. we missed you all at school yesterday. I just wanted you to know that I have really been thinking about you as well as Jenny and her family. I am still praying constantly! I pray that there is a substantial trun around soon, and for much comfort and strength for the months ahead. You are all special to us.

Me: Candace, we r going to the ranch tomorrow to celebrate parker! We would love if you could come.

Candace: I wish we could!!! Kids will be with Ryan. Thank you so much for the invitation. Please tell Parker Happy birthday from all of us. I hope you have a great time.

11:51 Carepages

Another slow day at Baylor Hospital in Grapevine. Jenny's numbers are still good. She is going through dialysis again as we type.

It has been 15 days and we are all eager to communicate with her again. We want to hug her, hold her, kiss her, and laugh with her.

Yesterday, someone brought by every episode of American Idol from this season. Jenny will be thrilled to watch it when she fully wakes up. Now if someone will bring General Hospital, GMA, Regis and Kelly, and Rachel Ray. Actually, the Rachel Ray is for David. (I'm just joking about the tv shows). We are just ready for God to lift Jenny out of this hospital.

Waiting rooms can drain people. But they are still thick with the presence of God.

Thank you all for your commitment to pray Jenny through this.

**********

Thanks to so many of you for offering money, airline miles, and flight passes to take care of the family. We are well taken care of.

12:15 KimQ: Any news? I just bk to hospital and everyone must be BK there with Jenny... their stuff here only. U here? How is your great aunt doing?

12:28 Leslie: Reservations tonight at 6. Trail Dust. Kids must have socks.

me: Got it.

We were celebrating Parker and my nephew Cole's birthday. I remember feeling so guilty about going out. Still do. However, I danced with my birthday boy. I saw joy in his face. Some normalcy.

12:30 Angie: The kids are hungry I am going to feed them.

12:35 me to Kim: I just left.

Pep Talk 1

Feb 19th

Hey, you want to go to dinner tonight? Oh yeah, GET WELL! TELL EVERYTHING TO DO ITS THING! I'm tired of you being sick! I want us to do our Friday night dinners! Or Saturday night dinners! I don't really care friend. I just want you well. I bet today was a beast. I'm sure you handled it with grace and strength that you... have shown everyday! I love you, and this really isn't your peptalk, it is just for fun! I love you!

5:04 Kim: Hey where are u

Me: Fixing to leave my house

6:00 Carepages

enny has had a restful day today. She just finished having her hair washed. All her numbers except for her bilirubin are doing well.

The goal is to get her off the vent tomorrow, and get her a talk button put on her trach. Maybe by tomorrow we will actually get to talk to her!

The surgery is healing well. Her hands are not getting any worse -- thank the Lord! Occasionally when she does wake a bit, I (Rick again) have gotten a smile. And when Beverly told the nurses how much Jenny loved a long bath, she raised her eyebrows. Just like Jenny!

The doctors and staff are talking more about her next step -- rehab. It is music to our ears! REHAB! Until just recent days, there was no talk about tomorrow!

So please pray for:
1. Her vent to be able to be removed
2. Her bilirubbin to come down
3. Her continued improvement

God is good! And we feel SO blessed to have our precious Jenny.

6:05 me to David: How is Jenny today? How did her rehab go?

6:05 Stephanie: How r things?

Me: I just sent a text to david. They were going to wake her in a bit and start rehab

Stephanie: Do they want people to visit?

Me: I bet you could go up

8:33 Me to Stephanie: Did you go up

Peptalk 2

Feb 19th

GIRL! I just read the hot sheet and I so badly want to come read it to you! You think they would kick me out, talking about pregnancies, mobs, shootings, shady brook, Helana, GEORGIE the GHOST! Yes, you heard right. WOW, I better hold my horses, you have atleast 10 days to get caught up before you see this hotsheet! I ...don't want to ruin it for you completely. I know you have already gotten one little SMALL peptalk, but I still wanted to let you know that I love you and you are doing great. JUST GREAT! But that stinkin' liver! JENNY! How can I help? I know, I can come in and dance. If you see some of my new moves, MAYBE you will laugh, then you will be excerising your liver! SO, you WAKE up so you can watch me dance.JUST KNOW I will make you laugh. Don't you think so? Aunt Dee said her church said a lot of prayers for you on Wednesday night. Her and Mammy both asked about you tonight at Parker's birthday dinner with the Pearson clan. JENNY! Get that blood flowing! LOVE YOU! Miss me, Okay? Don't worry. I am not going anywhere, just wanted to feel the love!!! I REALLY DO!

Oh the calm... before the storm............

Happy 7th Birthday Parker!

2011-02-18T22:28:00.000-08:00

Oh sweet boy. You bring such sweet laughter into this house. You are crazy creative, and you are so artistic. You are calm and quiet and.... freckled! OH how I love your freckles. I love how YOU grabbed my hand walking through Target tonight, AND Joann's. You said it so right tonight, "Isn't God AMAZING!" while we were watching a documentary on sea animals, but I say that when I look at you! "Isn't God AMAZING!"!!!! You LOVE baked potatoes and mozzarella cheese sticks from Sonic.

You can put away 5-7 pieces of pizza at one sitting. YOU love underarmour shirts, or as you like to call them 'silkies'. I love how you corrected me while we danced the waltz at your Fairy-tale ball, pulling me this way and that- you led me. You were such a good teacher. I love how you love school. I love how you LOVE facts about animals and can remember EACH and EVERY one of them. I love that you still LOVE to play horses, either with your pretend horses, OR you are the pretend horse. I love it. I love you Parker Gregg, and so does ANYONE who has met you. You have that effect on people. You love to serve people, especially in our home. You are my rule follower, and hopefully that will keep you AND your siblings safe, because I am not so sure about.... OH, back to you... You could jump on the trampoline FOR hours, or jump rope, or ride your bicycle, you like to be outside, but you also LOVE Scooby doo! We love you 7 year old! Your day was full with your daddy being Watchdog at your school,bringing you lunch, me and brother coming up for cookies, dinner at Snuffers, then shopping at Target for movies and games. OH, and we can't forget our secret late night, or you called it "middle of the night" (it was 10:00) trip to Sonic for icecream! I can't wait to celebrate you for the next few days..... LOVE YOU! Parker P!

February 18, 2010 Thursday

2011-02-18T18:20:00.000-08:00

7:46 am Me to Stacey: Perfect!

Not real sure what that is about.

8:33 am Me to Bev: How was the night? I know you are busy. Just had to ask. She never left my heart.

Bev: on our way to hospital

Me: great! Hope you got a good nights rest

9:50 am Me: How is it going? Are you at school or hospital?

10:41 am Kimberly Holmes: Call me when you get a second. Happy birthday to Parker!

12:04 Lindsey Wyatt: Just tried to call the house- please tell Parker I wish him a wonderful happy birthday!

12:57 am La: I was just thinking about u... i hope everyone is doing okay

1:03 carepages

t is day 14. I can't believe it has been 2 weeks.
It has been a very slow morning. Jenny is still coming off the anesthetics, because the liver is still minimally functioning.
Her numbers look good today and we continue to pray for complete healing.
A sonogram has been scheduled to look at her gallbladder to see if it is the source of a problem.

God’s goodness and favor continues to rain on us every day.

I’m not sure if Twila Paris is a member of this site, but she was contacted yesterday. A friend of Twila’s informed her of Jenny’s condition and that Jenny sang “How Beautiful” at a wedding. Twila wanted to pass on that she is praying.

2:08 Me to Stacey: I'm grabbing cake right now

2:21 Amy S: how has it been today?

3:75 Jessie: Hey girl have u heard anything today?

Me: I did go up a bit today and it was quiet. She looked a bit better I thought

5:53 pm Carepages

The Christmas carol describes the scene here well:

"All is calm; all is bright."

Father sits in the ICU waiting room for the 14th straight day. The journey has been brutal. He is doing a crossword puzzle. His sermon is finished and Lord willing, he'll get to take the pulpit for the first time in 3 weeks this Sunday.

A family friend sits quietly admiring the dedication of the father and typing away at his laptop.

This is a very different scene than the past 13 days.

It is a welcomed, holy moment.

A few thoughts in the middle of this holy moment...

In the middle of the storm, the Bizaillion and Ross family still praised the Lord...

They still believe that God is Mighty to Save...

They have been overwhelmed by God's faithfulness and everyone's goodness...

---

On a final note, if anyone is willing to donate some money towards 3 tickets on Southwest Airlines to fly family back home, email me and we'll make it happen. We need about $600.

---

Keep praying for Jenny. This has been a remarkable journey and we are not done.

I believe God has been so pleased with the response of His people to the suffering and pain of Jenny and her family. I'll close with the beautiful words from Isaiah 58:6-9. May we hear the "well done" of heaven daily as we serve.

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

You know, it was a quiet day. It was a strange day. It was my oldest child's birthday. We had postponed his party earlier in the month... we were all over the place. This night our great friends the Merriman's were staying with us and we all went to Rainforest Cafe for Parker's birthday. We were trying to make things as normal as possible. I'll leave you with the peptalk.

2 weeks my friend! 2 Weeks! You surely have shown so many just how
strong you are. I overheard a nurse today, that had you on that crazy
Monday, remember that Monday that almost turned all my hair silver, not gray, but silver? WELL, she was telling David that she hasn't seen you since then, but keeps up with you, and that ...in fact, THE entire hospital is keeping up with you. If anyone sees an ICU nurse, they ask for updates on YOU! I know, blotches. Just get over it. We need you to kick the pnemonia, KICK IT TO THE CURB! We need your liver to decide to work, and BOY I know 2 boys who can't wait to get you to exercise it!
YOU should have heard your brothers talking in the waiting room today about tickling you and chasing you around the house. They were so funny. They are SOOOO ready for you to get better. We all are. DID You tell your blood to circulate through your fingers? I am not sure you did. PLEASE! You can do it, tell the blood to CIRCULATE!

February 17, 2010, Wednesday

2011-02-16T14:13:00.000-08:00

6:35 am Jessie: I'm sorry girl! I missed ur call and txt til this morning. Saw carepages. I'm gonna go up at nine. God can still do a miracle but even if doesn't we and jenny will praise him forever!

7:13 am me: I'll be there about 10. Yes, we will praise him forever.

8:03 am Anne: Love you thinking of you and praying for jenny.

Me: Thank you

8:13 am Me to Michelle: Michelle, it is paige. I will need a sub tomorrow unless a miracle is performed in the next hour! Our God is that mighty!

8:18 am Me to Beverly: HE is with YOU! i love you!

8:27 am Bev: I will call u soon she is better. I am in w dr.

8:29 Amy: Thinking about all of u this morning. no worries about tomorrow. I completely understand. Praying that jenny does ok during surgery.

8:43 am Mom: Here

8:45 am Stacey: Did you get the text from David?

Me: no

Stacey: Doctors were very surprised. Jenny's white blood count was down to 16. She is doing much better. It looks like they r going to postpone surgery again.

Me: Can I send that out?

Stacey: No not yet

Mom: call about tv when you can

(Mom sometimes had difficulties with my tv)

9:05 Carepages

We thank you for all your prayers and joining us on this journey. Jenny rested well during the night. We will meet with the doctors at 8:30 and surgery currently is scheduled for 9:30 (though we believe God can still do something miraculous between now and then).

The family has asked for no visitors today please. We will try our best to keep everyone updated as much as we possibly can on these pages.

Again, thank you for standing in the gap for us; praying for us; and loving us. The Spirit moving through the body of Christ is one of the only thing that has sustained us!

9:34 am Kim Q: Any news?

9:35 am Me: NO! I'm dying here! No really! I can't take much more of this up and down. Can't.

9:36 am Kim: from josh- surgery is happening

Me: no

I remember FIGHTING with Satan in the car on the way to the hospital this morning. I remember making that 26 loop around by Academy, just praying out loud to Lord Jesus, screaming at the top of my lungs for Satan to GET OUT!

Michelle L: We will take care of work u take care of your friend continuously praying

10:00 Carepages:

As I type this post, they are preparing to take Jenny into the O.R. It is going to be a 4-hour procedure.
The doctor asked us to pray specifically for:
-Them to find strong tissue in the leg below the knee.
-For her liver to withstand the surgery.
-For their hands to move in rhythm with God.

There are risks with this procedure, but the doctors feel confident (over 5 opinions were given by docs) that this is needed for Jenny to turn the corner.

We are all hurting today, but we continue to trust that God is in this. He is moving. He is healing. He is the Lord of all of life, which means He is the Lord over medicine and science.

We know many of you are eager to see us today, but we are asking for no visitors. We feel your love.

We will keep you updated as we are informed by nurses and doctors throughout the procedure.

10:39 me to Jessie: U in ICU

Me to Stacey: 11:27: David looks rough. Just got call they r in the middle of surgery now. One leg done. Jenny is doing good.

Stacey: OK

Me: Real rough. I know u r at lunch. But could use you

Stacey: I'll be on my way in 10 minutes

Me: ok

Stacey: Do u want me to bring you something to eat or just come

Me: where are you coming from, yes bring something for me and Jessie

11:47 Kim Q: u still up there?

Me: Yes

11:51 Kim Q: Will u still be there like 12:15 ish?

11:52 Me: yes

Stacey: Ya'll on third floor

12:30 Carepages

Jenny is halfway through surgery. So far everything is going well.

1:20 pm: Me to everyone: The surgery is over. My friends legs are gone. THey are putting in a trach now. Please begin to pray right now for Jenny's recovery. Her attitude and DAVID!

Peptalk 1

Well, girl I am so proud of you. I couldn't wait until our night time pep talk. I had to tell you right now! You did it! You husband is so strong, you 2 are a great match. Your love is so evident. I know the next few months are going to be very different, but you are going to have realize something....YOU NEED HELP!...Don't get all blotchy, or red, just allow us to help you. That is what we want to do. Have I told you lately how amazing you are? I think I have, just wanted to tell you again. And I will bring you lots of dinners, but you will need to find someone else to fix your fish. You know I don't like fish, or the smell of fish, but I like to fish. I know you know. I love you.

1:21 pm Kimberly Holmes: Was there good tissue below her knee? Why the trach? I thought they were going to take the vent out?

Me: Yes, vent out trach in. Easier recovery they say. Don't know about the tissue. The nurses have been calling him on his cell

1:23 Julie B: Oh Paige... I am so sorry. They are all in my prayers. Are you okay. I am here if you want to talk.

1:23 Kelli L: Thanks for update. I'm so very sad. Will keep praying... can't think about much else. Any word on when she will come to and be aware?

1:25 Kimberly Holmes: How is David?

Me: wow. Don't know to answer that it has been a very tough day.

Kimberly Holmes: I hurt for him. Hurt for all of them. My feet hurt for no reason.

Me: I know. jessie and I were discussing possible new wardrobe options. David is discussing driving

Kimberly Holmes: I know> i thought about driving. Shara's husband Rick works for a medical supply company. One of their vendors make prosthetics. Good ones. Shara is already working on that.

Me: Great. We have been researching! This is so hard. The costs!!!

Kimberly: It's only money. There will be an answer for that. It's only money. God will provide.

Me: We keep telling him, but of course it is on his mind.

Kimberly: Money is nothing. Legs are something. Your mom is something. Your spouse is everything. Money is nothing. If the 6386 people on carepages gave only $10- we would have $63,860.

Me: U r so funny. U r so right. But it is on his mind. I think he just wants the best for her.

Kimberly: He should worry about Jenny. Malaya and himself. We will find a financial counselor to counsel him through the bills. Her therapy doctors will guide him through the options of driving and swimming and getting a new sense of normal. We will raise money. Every year for as long as it takes. It's only money. That is the least of all of this.

2:13 pm Me to the girls: Family just went back to see her. Dr. said she did good. Even is peeing good today! Sshh! Keep that between us. Trach in. She should be more alert in about 4 hrs.

Kimberly Holmes: What about her liver

2:13 Jami: Wow. My heart has been soooo heavy today! I lost it on the way back from Atlanta. Does Malaya know anything?

Kim Q: PRAISE THE LORD!!! Hey, what's the deal with her hands

Me: not worried at this time

Carepages:

Jenny made it out of surgery! The doctor said that it went great (that is a relative term these days but was still received as good news!) and is back in her room. The doctors felt really positive about everything related to her surgery and the family made a B-line back into her room, relieved and ready to see their Jenny.

Please continue to pray for a good post-op recovery, for peace for the family, and for the doctors to continue to have wisdom.

Please remember to respect the family's wishes and refrain from visiting the hospital until further notice.

This is a very emotional time for the family and thus a great time for all of us to leave a message of encouragement below!

Consider these words from Isaiah 61...

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.

3:03 Jami H: So I just checked my twitter for the first time since noon. Tell Jenny that Sheila Walsh posted a link to her website and told people to pray for her!!!!

3:03 Kimberly Holmes: A lesson from Presley: P: Mommy- can you put on Cinderella's dress? Kim: Where are her legs? (They were missing) P: Mommy- she doesn't need legs to be beautiful

Sometimes it takes a 4 year old to make you see things the right way.

3:11 Kimberly Holmes: Our elder Charlie who has been updating the church about Jenny asked when it was okay to update them on the condition. He is trying to be sensitive to Malaya. Will you let me know when it is okay to pass on her current status? Does Malaya know yet?

3:14 Me: No, Malaya does not know and was kept home from school today and the rest of the week just to be safe. Her status is on carepages. Joel said if it is on carepages it's safe.

4:05 Angie: How r u doing

Me: I'm still at hospital. Have had a very hard day.

Angie: Thinking of you

Me: getting to see her was tough

It was real tough. Like I posted yesterday, I knew she was going to make it, but this was HUGE! I just knew that Jenny would hold a speaking platform and tell her story to thousands, millions over time. It would be a sold out event with Beverly, Jenny, and Malaya telling each their own story. As I had played it in my head... she would walk on that stage, now she wouldn't be on her own legs, but in a wheel chair or prosthetics, and Malaya! Sweet Jesus... AND, what about our running!!! We were suppose to run together. Now I had a head start as she would run, but now on prosthetics.

I remember when Bev gave me and Jessie the go ahead to go back. I remember walking into her room and seeing her. We told her she did good. Real good. I remember the feeling in my throat. I remember the feeling in my stomach. I remember walking out of her room, walking through the ICU doors and NOT taking the door to the right that would take me to the waiting room, but just walking straight, straight to the wall in front of me. I remember crying my eyes out. I remember Jessie hugging on me and then going to get Stacey. I just wept. My friend. I prayed her attitude would be positive, and that when she woke up she wouldn't be mad or angry, but ready to show everyone how to do it! Blaze a trail for handicap, disabled women!

5:54 Carepages

Jenny is resting very peacefully right now following surgery. The family just met with the doctors and they are pleased with how she handled the surgery and how her vitals are now. They are beginning to talk about the future (which we have not her much about yet). We are very blessed to have the doctors that we have here. They have been great and the Lord has moved through them. They believe Jenny will rest through the night due to the anesthesia.

For me personally (Jonathan) I viewed this day similar to that of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I believe that God could heal her feet, but even if He did not, we will not bow down to any other god. He is good! He is faithful!

Here are the things that the doctors have told us we need to be in prayer for:

1. For her hands. The doctors are very hopeful that she will not lose much of her hands (probably only fingertips) but we want to pray against infection setting into her hands.
2. For her liver to begin fully functioning.
3. For the pneumonia to be healed.
4. For no other infection to be allowed into Jenny’s body.
5. For Malaya as she receives the news about her mommy.

David is planning to tell Malaya tonight. If you are friends with Malaya or know Malaya, please be sensitive to her as she begins this transition.

Thank you once again for joining us in prayer and walking with us through this road of suffering.

He is mighty to save!

6:08 Jessie: U still there? U Okay? I have a feeling we r feeling the same types of emotions. I'm so sad for Jenny and sorta at a loss and numb

Me: No. We took B home to Decatur. We r eating here. I am so sad for her. I KNOW she will overcome ALL of this, but I don't want her to have to. I feel for her and Malaya. David. Work. Financial. Just everything for them. I want to get to the good stuff!

Jessie: ME TOO!

7:47 pm Jessie: Do you know if David told Malaya yet?

8:19 Me: I think so

8:55 Kimberly Blake: Just thinking and praying for you and Jenny. I am praying for you to sleep good. Do you want me to take in the morning?

8:19 Me to Bev: How is she doing tonight?

Bev: In pain, but they not upped her pain med since before surgery. They have now and they plan on her sleeping well tonight.

Me: good. Thx

Bev: Love you girlfriend

Me: U too, we love yall.

Peptalk 2

Friend, it has been a long day. I am sure you are laughing deep inside that sweet body. You are probably thinking, "YOU THINK YOUR DAY WAS LONG!" Well, I know it was for you. Lots of changes today, but Jenny, 'greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city!' To quote Chris Tomlin, or a...tleast I think that is who sings that song. Stacey put it on my phone so that I can listen to it all the time. I mostly just sing that part, but you know who sings louder than me...Emaline and Parker. OH, I know you have been very busy, but guess who has a birthday tomorrow? YEP! PARKER! Can you believe he will be 6? Okay, back to your peptalk. Jenny, FOCUS ON THE LIVER! WE need that liver to do exactly what it is made to do! You tell it to get with the program! We need everything to work the right way NOW! And your hands. BLOOD to the fingers! Just, you know...get well. We all miss you.

Oh yeah, the quote from Chris Tomlin, I do think you have greater things to be done! I can't wait to be in your audience! I love you. Have I told you that today? YES I HAVE, in your ear! Did you hear me? It was kind of soft, I didn't want to wake you. Emaline told me today that she doesn't like you in the hospital. ME EITHER! SO GET OUT! TELL THOSE LUNGS, LIVER, and FINGERS to get to moving! IS there an 'L' word that means finger? That would have been perfect. Okay, I need to rest too. HHHHUUUUGGGGS!

February 16, 2010, Tuesday

2011-02-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

9:06 am me TO David: How are BOTH my girls doing?

9:35 Kim Q: from Bev Ross: cat is at 10: keep praying

10:28 am Stacey: What is up with the CAT scan?

10:28 me: Trying to find out

10:32 Me: I did. Keep praying is what Bev said to do.

10:38 Stacey: David said they are just trying to find the other infection

Me : okay

11:46 Me TO stacey: Any news on Cat scan yet?

Stacey: Not yet

Me: ok

12:04 Jami: Any news?!? How are u holding up?

12:05 Me: Waiting on Cat scan report to find infection

12:05 Jami: K. Was just anxious to hear...

Me: Me too

Jami: U still didn't answer my question about how u r holding up???

12:26 me: I'm at school, and I have a headache I'm tired and I'm impatient and I'm worried. I actually have a great story about a girl who offered to work for me for free!!!

Jami: I wondered if u were working this week... girl take her up on the offer! NOW!!!

Me: Amy is going to Disney next week so I kind of need to be here.

12:30 Me to Kim Q: Any news

12:30 Jami: Oh Yuck- that makes sense. Well... I'm praying for u too u know! I know u r so exhausted, physically and emotionally. Love you! Let me know when you hear something

12:40 David: Still waiting for results no news yet

12:40 me: Thank you for letting me know! Been praying!

1:03 pm Stephanie: Any update 2day?

Me: Still waiting on cat scan results. Did u have a good birthday?

Stephanie: Is that 2 find bleeding? I had a good bday dinner and some good finds with my gift card.

1:44 Stacey: No results yet.

4:24 Stacey: what is our plan tonight? Anything special?

Me: No, maybe salmon croquettes

Stacey: AWESOME

Me: I have dr appoint for 2 kids in the morning

4:29 Stacey: Waiting for 1 more opinion, but it will require surgery whether keep feet or not: either to amputate or multiple surgery to reconstruct. Keep info n house 4 now. (meaning don't send to girls)

5:58 Kim Q: DOc coming at 8-8:30 is stp there with you.

Me: Yes

6:05 pm Jessie: Hey girl have u heard anything new lately?

Me: STP JUST now talking to david. U heard anything?

Jessie: No

8:55 Jessie: Hey girl, I guess nothing new today? I'm gonna go up tomorrow. Its hard to stay way too long.

Some of the texts here I am leaving off... Just too much....

9:44 KimQ: well what the heck is the news??? He hasn't text me anything else. I'm on pins and needles... I didn't even know about the surgery for 9:30 tomorrow but Laura did!! SHE TOLD ME!!!(Laura is in Abilene) Craziness. (Stacey and Joel are at hospital together with family)

Stacey and I are calling each other at this point. Who wants to text this....

9:49 Me to KQ: I think its on carepages now

9:53 Me to girls: Make sure you read carepages

Kimberly Holmes: Was just checking

9:54 Stacey: Were in discussion with the family now. I'll give all the info soon. This is so tough.

9:57 Kimberly Holmes: There is nothing yet. I don't have a good feeling

Me:Not good. Keep checking

9:59 Jami: Have they posted yet because its not pulling up on mine if they have.

Me: Maybe not but people on FB r talking

I need to say here, once Carepages was established I always referred to Carepages on FB. We decided it was best that way to get the info out. People would all get the same message at the same time. So it was puzzling that people on FB were talking about stuff that wasn't public.

10:00 Carepages

We have been with doctors almost all afternoon discussing Jenny's hands and feet. We hate to keep you all waiting, but we'll have a detailed update here within the next 30-45 minutes.

10:02 Julie: Thank you Paige, Jenny is in our prayers

Jami: People with correct info? Or just speculations?

Me: It sounded right on almost insider stuff. B is asleep on me. Let me put him down and go investigate.

Stephanie: Still nothing

Kimberly Holmes: My refresh button is worn out! Is she going to lose legs?

10:26 pm Me to Stacey: This has been forever! Let me know! I am trying to process! I know David is glad u r there. Carepages? People are blowing up my facebook!

Stacey: They are trying to figure out how to word the carepages. They r posting right now!

Me: K, when u gonna let me know!

Stacey: They r posting right now.

Me: So when are you gonna let me KNOW!

I knew what was going to happen, but I didn't know all the details. That is what I was referring to..

10:30 Carepages

Today has been like a punch in the gut. It has been a long day of talking with doctors for extended periods of time. Dr. Kollipara and Dr. Lester are now two of our favorite people in the world. They genuinely care about Jenny.

Before reading any further, we are asking that all of those who know Malaya or have children who know her, please refrain from sharing the following to people who might pass this on to Malaya. We trust you to keep this from those who might pass it on.

After hours of discussion, we are left with only one option—they are going to have to perform an amputation below Jenny’s knees. Basically, the medicine that had to be used to treat the Strep A and sepsis focused primarily on the organs. The doctors didn’t have a choice. They had to protect the essentials—the organs and the brain. Because of this, blood was not able to flow to the fingertips and toes. The tissue in her feet is dead and it will not grow back. There is a probable concern that a secondary infection has developed in the feet, and this could work its way up the leg causes serious consequences; notably, death.

We are begging God to:
-Save Jenny’s hands. They are looking good today and we want it to stay that way.
-Protect Jenny from all of the negative emotions that could come with the realization that life will now be different.
-Bless David with the words to say as he communicates this to Jenny.
-That everything in this surgery will go smoothly. This is a complicated procedure, so please pray for the doctors to be on their “A” game.
-Protect Malaya’s heart.
-Help Jenny to experience healing and grace so that she can be made whole.

There is some good news:
Jenny has been able to communicate some today. The only word she has muttered is, “Help.” Other than that, it has been a lot of head nods. Talking with Jenny made our day. She confirmed that she misses American Idol.
All of her numbers are improving. Her white blood cell count is still very high, which most likely means there is a secondary infection.

Thank God for the incarnation of Jesus. He chose to enter into pain so that he could love it and redeem it. We are experiencing this power today.
We are still praying for a miracle in Jenny’s physical feet. The time of surgery is set for 9:30am. May the same power that was able to lift up Jesus from the grave be upon her.

10:46 pm Me to Kimberly Holmes: yes. It is up now. I wasn't suppose to share until they published. I just thought they had earlier. Sorry.

Kimberly: It's okay. My heart is breaking for her.

Peptalk part 1

I love you!

Me to KimQ: It is ON carepages! 9:30! I know! I can't imagine telling Jenny! That is what broke me! No don't tell her! Don't tell her!

11:04 Me to Amy: As you can imagine, I don't plan on being at school on Thursday. I'm whipped. Going to bed.

11:11 Stacey: On the way home

11:23 Julie: I just read carepages again. Jenny is in my thoughts and in my prayers. Please let me know if you need anything Paige. I am hear to listen if you want to talk.

11:25 Me to Jessie:I tried to call you. I'm sure you have read by now...

Peptalk part 2!

pep talk... for you, my friend. I understand you were communicating with your hubby today. You go girl. I bet tubes in me would be bothering me as well. Don't you worry though. Those will be coming out very soon. I just know it. Can you even count how many times Sonny and Jason have been shot, and they don't even have ...scars!? Just think what kind of hero you would be in Port Charles! You could probably lead your very own mob. BUT I would ask that you not go into that line of work, it is very dangerous! I can't take much more Jenny Bizaillion, you are an amazing woman. AMAZING! I cannot wait to see what is in store for you! I can't wait to walk along side of you and hold your hand. Now, you get some rest, you need it. Not that you have any dark circles under your eyes or anything, just that your body needs to rest. I am sure of it. Even though i didn't see you today, I am sure of it. By the way, do you know how amazing your husband and daughter are? We are so ready to go out to eat with you guys. I'll check your calendar...oh look your free! GREAT! I will pencil you in.

OH What a Banquet it will be!!!

I remembering crying my eyes out this night.... I still completely thought that Jenny was going to make it.... but this surgery would make my friend different. I wanted COMPLETE healing. I wanted a miracle. I didn't want Malaya to have a 'different' mommy. I wanted Jenny to be complete.